Conflicted after OH Conference

First I would like to mention how great it was to meet all of you that I have been following on the Sleeve forum and all those that share in the journey to health. A big thank you to Alison who graciously picked me, a total stranger,  up at the airport and introduced me to several conference attendees. For someone who suffers from social anxiety, this was a great way to begin the conference. I hope your back is getting better Alison, take care. Another thank you goes to Debra, my Disney buddy, for a fun filled day on the rides!

Conflicted after the OH conference - I had a good time meeting others who are also on the journey to health after WLS, and felt more comfortable in my own skin, sags and all, in this crowd of people suffering with obesity. I gathered useful information and  built connections to help me in the future. Meeting all the generous, fun and interesting attendees at the conference was truly worth the three planes to get there.  But, I came back more depressed than when I went. Confession time - I snuck a chocolate bar the first night in my hotel room, ice cream  the second and chocolate cookies on the plane home. Let's not even talk about the extra huge cinnamon bun I inhaled on my first day back to work!

I often feel that I am starting this journey even though I have already lost 130 lbs, 75% weight lost to my first goal. WTF? I have slipped back into many of my bad habits and although I am still losing slowly, my head is not in a good place. I don't want to re-gain. Since I went to Mexico for surgery and live in the middle of no-where, I only have the internet and books  for information and support. Thank-you to all those who post on the forums, your help is really appreciated. I am on meds for depression and have low iron but the fatigue is all encompassing. Hard to get things done at home and work when all I want to do is sleep.

I have tried to get back to journaling my food intake, and getting back to the basics but with limited success. I want to start over and do it right. Any ideas? I think I have a problem with "fear of success" because I had tough times when I was near the 100 lb loss mark, the 6 month "honeymoon" period and prior to attending the conference. Now I am closing in on my first year surgery date of Nov 5th and again it is difficult.  Anyone know of any good books to read to address the "Head" stuff?

For my fellow Canadians, have a great Thanksgiving weekend. I do feel thankful for this past year and the changes that have occurred.  Onwards...

I wish I had some words of wisdom for you.  Since you are meds, I hope you are also talking to someone.  You need to get to the bottom of what is holding you back.  Take out a piece of paper and write down all of the good things that have happened because of your weight loss so far.  Then make a list of all of the bad things and the things you are scared of.  You might find that list enlightening and it might open your eyes to what is really bothering you.  I hope you start feeling better soon.  You can do this, go back to basics and even you slip up, that does not mean you are a failure. Stay on these boards and ask for help when you need it.  I am sure you are not the only one that is struggling, we all have our issues.

I dont think I met you at the conference, did I???  Sorry, if I am suffering from a severe brain fart.

I also was fearing success and even the attention I was getting that came along with being smaller.  I liked my comfort zone of being less visible to most people.  I don't like attention at all and still suffer from being able to accept a decent compliment.  I have been thinking long and hard to myself on what my issues are because I was winning my own war on obesity but with my weight creeping back up it is & was scaring the crap out of me.

Do you take comfort in food like I do?  That can be part of our problem.  Food taste good obviously but even I know that I need to draw the line somewhere.  There are plenty of VSG friendly foods that we can eat that are yummy & satisfying but I know chocolate bars, ice cream & cinnamon buns don't fit in that equation.  We need to find a happy medium.

I still wake up every morning wondering how I am going to start my day when it comes to food.  It erks me to the 10th power that I make such a big deal about it.  I need to just plan my meals & run with it but it's not always easy for some people to stay on track and I am one of them. 

I also would love to get some feedback on good books that address the "head" issues some of us have. 

Like you said, "Onwards"... 1 day at a time, 1 meal at a time, 1 more chance at becoming the people we want & need to be.

Hey Sweetie! I had a great time with you at Disney! From visiting with you that day, my only thought is that you may want to plan a little better.  Plan your work and work your plan.  You can do this....just think about what we did that day.  We were out and about at 9:00 am and we walked until 10:30 that night.  What a HUGE NSV that is....you are a trooper!  Take it one day at a time and you'll get there.  I promise you. Try to be compliant as much as you can. It's a marathon, not a sprint.  Who cares how long it takes you to get there, as long as you get there...Wow! I'm full of homilies today, but I mean them and they are really true.  I think the list from the previous poster above is a great idea.  I'm in your corner and it was GREAT to get to know you!  Who knew three former fat chicks could fit on the Haunted House Ride?  We rock!

Deb

Sometimes you have to spend some time finding that fire that you first had. It's hard to rekindle it but I've managed to do it a couple times over the years. You e opened the door to the carb monster and the head hunger...if you want to get off of it - it's going to be painful and uncomfortable and you might have to white knuckle it and cry a few times. 

There is no magic solution though. I need to get my butt back to whole 30 - if you want, later today, let's chat about it and see if we can come up with a plan together!

I'm glad I had the opportunity to meet you and it was my pleasure to pick you up. You are so sweet so I'm the lucky one! 

There was a post on here just a couple of days from one of the "Vets"... that said something about deleting the words "get back on track" from their vocabulary. They said it much better than I can so u might try to look 4 that post.

But don't beat urself up over small indiscretions. Ur trip probably included lots of walking / exercise / fun (with a tad of anxiety from all the new experiences). You recognize how you handled the anxiety --- search for other solutions to handle anxiety in future. No gain = success! Focus on your positive moves to create more positive.

Be kind to yourself.

(BTW, I am the kettle calling the pot black :-) I should listen to this advise as well :-))

The fatigue may be symptomatic of increased depression. Your anti-depressant (if you are taking one) may not be working effectively since your surgery or you may need to change dosage or meds. If you are not taking a med, you should discuss the advisability of taking one with your doctor.

sounds like you had a fab time out there!!  maybe I'll be able to make the next conference and meet all these wonderful people in person :)

I found/find this book very helpful....on kindle it's much less $....

http://www.amazon.com/The-Emotional-First-Aid-Kit/dp/0976852659/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1381524446&sr=8-1&keywords=first+aid+kit+weight

best of luck to you, keep on keeping on!!

Sophie

Hi,

just remember you are walking on a path, there are always going to be obstacles and stumbling blocks, how you learn to deal with them is what will help you feel in more control of your life.  The book I am reading, that was recommended by Kairk  on this site is "The Beck Diet Solution, by Judith Beck PhD .  It has a lot of great information to help with head hunger.  I bought mine at amazon and there is also a seperated workbook u can buy, total was under  twenty.  You could try to see if  you could get it as a e book, they are usually cheaper.......don't lose faith, things will work out........

take care of you,

Smiles:),

Lisa

To be honest, I think it's somewhat normal for some of us to stall and screw up and sabotage ourselves. I know I did during the times that I was just about to hit a major milestone. It took forever to lose the last five pounds because the scale would go down a little and I'd get excited and freak out and go through a week or two of being off the reservation. The key, I think, is to just dust yourself off and get back on the horse. I dunno, I tried hard to not beat myself up and just go with the flow. The good thing is that I was never head-in-the-sand about it and was always very aware of what I was doing. It's hard. Truly, no matter what. It's hard.