My experience with sharing with others about my WLS

When I was in the contemplative stage about having this surgery, I told absolutely NO ONE that I was even considering it - not even my husband (who is also my best friend).  I did not want to talk to anyone about it until I was pretty ready to seriously consider it.  Then, of course, I told my husband and the other couple of people that I really trust.  I have to say - none of them were big cheerleaders about the idea at first.  They all expressed concern about the risks and had the response of "Can't you just do it the "normal" way?"  That was the initial response.  Then, as I learned more and shared it with them, they were totally on board with me and have been so supportive.  As I have gone along, I have told more and more people, and now I am pretty much an open book about it.  I don't go around announcing that I have had weight loss surgery, but if anyone asks me what I'm doing to lose weight, I just give them an honest answer.  I have been so surprised that I have not had that dreaded terrible reaction that I've been expecting.  Granted, it is still early - I am almost 6 weeks out from surgery.  But, I have had people talk to me about it from the perspective that they themselves have been considering it, and I feel like that makes it worth the risk for me to tell people the truth.  Again, this is not something I've posted on Facebook or something, but if people in my circle of casual acquaintances ask me, I have no problem telling them.  I think it helps me stay accountable, too, and I have had some very interesting conversations with my friends about attitudes towards eating, etc. as a result.

Probably the oddest reaction I have had, though, was from a doctor I saw recently at Urgent Care who said "Are you saving your money for plastic surgery?"  He couldn't believe that I wasn't even ready to consider that concept yet - that's a decision down the road a ways!

Anyway, I know I read about this a LOT before I had my surgery, and thought a lot about it - how am I going to handle telling people?  I don't want people to judge me (like I have done in the past).  But, at the same time, I don't want to go around lying to everyone either.  Each of us has to handle this subject in the way that is best for us, and not all of us feel the same about others knowing our business, but if any of you out there are thinking about how to handle telling others, I thought it was worth sharing my perspective.  It has been a positive experience for me so far, even when people didn't get excited about it. 

I am a very private person and told very few people before surgery because I didn't want to listen to any crap.  I was very comfortable with my decision and knew it was the best thing for me to get down to a healthy weight.  It was funny the first few months people noticed something was different, but couldn't figure out what.  I was often asked "did you do something different with your hair?" LOL  As time went by and the weight came off, people would comment. If I felt comfortable with that person, I told them about the surgery.  I was pleasantly surprised at their responses.  I have only heard a few negative responses in the past few years.  If I didn't feel comfortable talking about it with the person, I would move on or change the conversation.  It's no one's business and if I choose to discuss it, I will.  

I told all my family and friends, and they were all supportive.  They has all been worried about how much weight I had put on, and were relieved that I was doing something positive to correct that situation.  I did NOT plan on telling my co-workers, but I think my husband, who also works with me, spilled the beans to one person, because as soon as I returned from the surgery, everyone wanted to know how the surgery went.  Either people kept their mouths shut or were interested and thought it was a good idea for me as they too were concerned with my weight.  They stayed very interested as the weight dropped off of me initially.  They still notice even though the weight loss has slowed.  I've been lucky.  I'm starting a new job today, and they will have never known that I was so very heavy just a few months ago.  Kind of nice to feel much more normal even though I still have 70 pounds that I plan on losing.  I just don't look huge anymore and I'm happy about that.

Jane

Jane

Jane - let me give you a little heads up about working at a new place where no one ever knew you as "fat".  I also started a new job, in December when I was just a few pounds away from maintenance.  What I found is that it was super easy for me to "pass" as a "normal eater".  Meaning that if I took a piece of that candy or a cookie or whatever was hanging around (and there was a LOT of it at the holidays!) that no one looked at me funny or with any judgment.  In fact, I got a lot of "you're lucky you can eat that and stay so skinny".   And I thought, "man, if only they knew!"

Not that you'll get sucked into that mind frame, but I thought I'd throw it out there.  I could never have imaged in a million years that I would have this issue...but boy, I do!  

Best of luck on your new job!  

Thanks.  I already saw lots of desks with all kinds of candy on them today.  I'm staying a mile away.

Jane

I only told one friend and of course my husband knows. I just decided I didn't want to deal with the judgement 

It took me a while to tell people...that's for sure.  My husband's first words were "that's taking the easy way out though...isn't it".  He is now eating those words.. lol.  My sister was the most supportive person and the one I told first.  She was very excited for me and was so supportive, it was so nice to have someone in my corner.  As I got closer to my surgery date, I posted it on Facebook that "February 19th will be the first day of the rest of my life" and I had a bunch of people ask what was going on.  So, I told them.  I was SHOCKED.  I had so many friends that were so on board with what I was doing, it was nice to know that I had so many people that cared about me.  It was a wonderful feeling, and no judgement whatsoever.  I was so happy.  So now, as I'm almost 3 weeks out from surgery, I have people asking me about the procedure, admitted they're considering doing it and it's just been very rewarding.  I, like all of you, was so scared of the judgement... but I realized that so many people were really supportive and helpful.. it was so awesome.  Now, they all ask me how I'm doing! :)

I believe strongly that we all should commit to being open champions of the WLS process.  This doesn't mean you have to shout from the mountain top or blab to every waiter who questions your food (and lack of beverage) choices.

Sure, the surgery option isn't for everyone.  However, somewhere out there in every one of our lives is someone who is considering this option.  As champions of the process we can set good examples and provide education that can be so beneficial to them.

I know my example has already helped a couple others make the same committment.  They were random work collegues who I didn't know were considering sleeves.  I'm happy to have paid it forward.

I could go on at great length in support of this route, but I'll stop here today.

Pre-op, I've told the people who should know I might die.  

Post-op?  We'll see.  I'm not one to lie by omission, but I'm perfectly happy to tell people it's none of their business or to call them on their rudeness by asking about my weight.  But I also want to tell everyone about this exciting awesome thing I've done :D