Wish I had the hubby's support

My husband does not support me getting and type of surgery whatsoever.  He's going to be there when I have the surgery but he is against it. Yesterday I was asking him what he thought of the two surgeries that I have been debating between (RNY and VSG) and he was not helpful at all and gave me an attitude. and said that  "give me 2 years and i"ll have you in the shape you want to be!"  He just doesn't get it.  He's never been overweight a day in his life and doesn't get it. I've been overweight most of my life.  I was thin for a few years in my teens but that was it.  I've been overweight now for the past 23 years and I'm sick of it.  I can eat all the right food and for the most part I do but I eat way too much of it.  The most I have able to lose on my own was 15 pound and I ALWAYS gain it right back.  

I'm doing this for me.  Thank God my mom, sister and my kids are all supportive.  Just sucks when you want your husband to be also and he isn't

He may be scared of you having surgery and it's coming out in this non-supportive way..

don't worry he will be your biggest cheerleader once he sees

your weigh dropping and you becoming happier and healthier...

good luck on your surgery!

Tell him 2 years won't make a difference.  The food industry is way better than his best effort, and they're tons more of them than him.

Most of the time this journey is about food control more than exercise.  However, you need perfect food control for 2+ years to maintain the calorie deficit needed to loose 100 pounds.  In the meantime, while you're striving for perfect control, the food industry, and your stomach, is working against you.  They are way more invested in keeping you spending money of their products than you can ever hope to overcome.  Plus many (processed) foods are actually engineered to keep you hooked.

Some people just don't get that surgery is the only option to save some of us.

I'm sorry that your husband is not being supportive. Sometimes it is more the fear of the unknown. He has only known you as overweight, fell in love with you the way you are so he is probably afraid of what would happen if you lost weight and changed. My husband was the opposite he said go for it and was very supportive  but after I lost the weight he became insecure until we talked about how much we love each other and that I need him to be there for me to maintain my weight loss. My mom on the other hand was not supportive until she saw that I lost weight and am now healthier. It's a change for everyone not just us so it can take time. Open up the lines of communication and explain it's going to be a process of ups and downs and really need him to be there, maybe address why he feels the way he does. He may just open up and tell you, my husband finally did. Now that I am more confident I plan more one on one time with husband and we get out by ourselves, something  I wouldn't do before and he likes that. A change for the better. I wish you the best and hope it all works out well for you!

My husband is an MMA fighter and is always at or near his 145 fighting weight. He is always in excellent shape. For a long time before I told him I wanted surgery I was working out at the gym and on and off crazy diets. He and I never worked out togeather though because the type of gym training he does is way differenet then what i need. So, I was nervous that he wouldn't be supportive of my decision to have VSG. When I first brought it up, he laughed...like I was joking. The more I talked to him about it, and educated him on it more he became more supportive. He has become my rock and my #1 support person now from the 1st appt I had with my surgeon up to now (2 1/2 weeks after surgery)

Its been my experience that the people in my life who are unsupportive are generally those who are uneducated about the procedure and how beneficial it can be. When I told my aunt about it, she actually said, "what?! Its like the people on My 600 lb life! But your not anywhere near 600 lbs. I think you just need to go to the gym more"

I hope your hubs comes around. Im glad you have your other families support....but I can understand how important the support of your husband is too. Good luck.

My wife has been nothing but supportive, but she was fearful of the surgery.  I think part of her support came from knowing what the struggle has been for the last 10 years and know what I have tried and haven't tried.  She's been a little overweight, but not morbidly obese.

What really calmed her was meeting my doc.  It was an extra expense, but it really allowed her to understand it and meet the person who was helping us.  Has he met your doctor?  That may help.

I have had a few friends "frown" on it.  Like you mentioned, they have always been in shape.  I would assume the popular opinion in those circles is that we are short cutting it and that we show no restraint.

Being on the other side of this, I can tell you it is no cakewalk.  You will have change like nobody's business and have to be prepared to adjust to a new lifestyle.

There may be other things going on... fearful that he will lose you when you lose weight..... dealing with other people showing you more attention..... or just the fear of the unknown.

It may be worth counseling to get this squared away.  I am thankful for my family's support daily.  I am sure things will change after surgery, but in the lobg run, you are doing this for you and for your family to lead a more fulfilled life.

Good luck with your journey.

He has met the doctor at my preop this past Friday. I was hoping that would help him understand but it didn't.  When we met 24 years ago I was thin.  After 4 kids the weight pilled on.  He could be fearful but I think it's more of his not understanding how it is to be overweight since he never has.

And that may be a key difference. My wife met me when I was thinner, but not as thin as I am now.

I think the results he'll see and the change in habits/diet/lifestyle will make him see the light.  It may even inspire him to be healthier than he is.

Keep your chin up!!

Scott

Ah try to hang in there. I know that can't be easy! 

Do you have a support group available to you that he would be willing to come with you to? The spouses in my support group are all pretty dang fabulous. It might benefit him to see how other people handle things. 

It took a long time for my husband to get on board with my choice; but even if he never became supportive it was something that I had to do for myself.  I was really fit when we met 10 years ago but only because I was starved & taking ephedrine-not healthy!  over the past 10 years my weight shot up drastically even worse after thyroid problems, hysterectomy & kidney issues.  He was worried at first, then got the notion that I was "gonna get skinny & leave him" - his exact words.  Maybe your husband is feeling insecure too, I don't know...but I know now that my husband is finally one of my biggest supporters & has been so kind & helpful during my recovery.  I'm thankful that you already have some supportive family, but I know not having a supportive/understanding spouse makes things hard; just be sure you don't let him talk you down or out of your decision.  Surgery was/is the only thing that I know will work for me long term, make the best choice for yourself.  Good luck with everything.