UGH!!! 6 month meltdown...

I haven't given in, but my gosh, the fight is so much harder.  Vets kept saying it.  And it's only been 6 months!!! 

Yesterday was my checkup w/ the doctor's office and the nutritionist and they treated me like a rock star.  Both said I'd be nominated for their hall of fame if I continued as I have been, blah, blah, blah.  I left w/ a pretty big head...and it was a head full of justifying poor choices.  I didn't make any of them.  I stayed clean.  But seriously, am I STILL the person that will celebrate success w/ failure?!  I didn't sob myself to sleep but there were tears as the enormity of this reality struck me.  I don't just have to change my lifestyle, I have to change WHO I AM, because if I don't, I will fail.  I am a person who thinks crap food is a "treat" for an accomplishment.  I can't be this person.  I have to be the person that knows food is fuel, not feelings.

Thank you to the people here who have done this and share with us how it was, how it is, and how it will be.  If I didn't know that you all had done this, too, I might have given in.  But your changes have allowed me to see my need for changes, permanent changes, not temporary fixes.

Good for you. Awareness like this is invaluable as the months roll on.

Thank you.  I have no doubt that it was a realization that needed to come but it sure was a slap in the face.  Your support means a lot.

Tricia and this is exactly why you have done a great job with your sleeve... you know there's no such thing as perfection and that we all have our faults ... that's awesome!!! :-)

♡ Kelly

Thanks Kelly.  I have discovered that I tend to be a bit obsessive.  I can't strive for perfection.  I need to come to grips that striving for success doesn't mean that there won't be struggles!

I get it. Not being able to fundamentally change who I am is my biggest fear.

I don't know that the cravings and the tendency for an unhealthy relationship with food will ever really go away. I know that sounds scary but it could actually help free us from some anxiety. Like drug addicts and alcoholics we aren't recovered food addicts, we are recovering. (Don't know if you think of yourself that way but I thought I got that from your post). It will be a lifelong struggle, but as long as we balance the mistakes with real effort and commitment I think it is possible!!!

I DO consider myself an addict.  This is one reason I'm considering a break with my therapist and finding someone new.  She doesn't think food addiction is a "thing".  She has helped me in many, many areas but I started going to her when I started the WLS process and if we disagree on something so fundamental to my weight loss then I'm not sure it's a relationship that should continue. 

Tricia, you are speaking to a person who used to go weigh in at Weigh****chers meetings and celebrate a loss by getting a pizza from Little Caesars!

I still find myself doing that and I used to do it with my kids too. I have since tried to let them know that this behavior isn't healthy. Thank God they are athletes or they would be in the same predicament as I am.

I am trying my hardest to celebrate accomplishments with things like manicures, buying new shoes or new clothes. It is a struggle, that is for sure.

Dawn - You mentioned something I hadn't thought of…I've done the same of rewarding myself with food. Hadn't thought about how to change that til you mentioned it….I'm thinking getting a new tool/harley piece/boat supply as my reward :-)

Yes, yes yes!  I'm trying to find new rewards - and I'm even working to make them not material rewards - because clothes right now aren't fun when I know I won't wear them long.  haha  My best rewards tend to be an hour at the reading room in the library, or a hike, or a baseball game or something - by myself!  I'm an introvert and my husband is excellent in knowing that my desire for alone time does not mean that I don't also value time with him and the family.  But time alone is a real treat for me!