Bad day and want to eat. Can't eat, but still want to.

My dad has been struggling with health issues since March. He is an alcoholic and had cirrhosis but he still had some limited liver function. Then, they discovered he had colon cancer. Thankfully it was stage 1 and had not spread, but the surgery to remove the cancer pushed his liver over the brink. His liver is failing.

My mom shared this info with me yesterday. I knew it was bad, but not that a transplant was necessary. We did get some good news today and it's that they're thinking they can hold off a transplant for longer than they previously thought.

When I found out about the cancer, I was pre-op and I went on a good old fashioned comfort food binge. Obviously that is not an option. So I'm just crying at my computer. 

Alcohol is a toxic killer and I hate it. And I am frustrated with my father that it took him getting to death's door to give it up, but there's no use in dwelling on that.

I'm so sorry about your dad. I saw your stats and you are doing an amazing job. You are absolutely right, comfort food is not an option and its  alright to cry your heart out. I hope that whatever helped you get this far continues to work with you through your journey.  Unfortunately sometimes it takes something tragic to happen to make the ultimate change. I wish the best for you and your dad through both of your journeys. 

Thank you. I have a lot of empathy for my dad because I know how hard it is to deal with these things. I definitely have some addictive tendencies (and if it is genetic I am sooooo screwed) and it's one of the hardest things to cope with. I also know that there was only so much I could do because he was his own person making his own choices. He also promised to me (while drunk) that other things would get him first! Boy, he was wrong!

Eliza I'm soooooooo sorry for you and you Dad and the whole family!!!! Remember it's not over ... they have extended the time for a transplant and that will give him more time to find one!!!! Think positive! !!! He will make this and life for all of you will be soooooo much better think of all the long walks you and he will take!!!  I'm sure your Dad is sooooo proud of you with how well your doing keep up the great work for both you and him!!! :-)

You he and your family are in my thoughts and prayers!!!

♡ Kelly

I thought I posted a reply but it didn't seem to take. Thank you for your kind words. I did a lot of crying today and I was restless. I found some quiet time to read because I needed to distract myself with something other than food. 

I'm going to try to be hopeful. I just keep playing out the worst case scenario in my head until my dad is dead and I have to give a eulogy.

Ughhhhhhhh eliza your like me a pessimist ...it's easier to set your self up for the worst so your not shocked !!! But please please for your sake this one time DON'T.... you need to think positive be an optimists! !! For your sake as well as your dad's ... he needs that more then anything right now sweetie!!! Listen PM  me anytime I'll always be here for you I'll help you in any way I can!! This is a horrible time but you can and will get through it so will he!!! 💙💚💛💜💙💚💛💜💙💚💛💜

💖 Kelly

I want to encourage you to continue to find new ways to deal with your stress. I thought of myself more as a pleasure binge eater than an emotional one, but I have to say, I have learned that I do have strong emotional cues to eat when I am under stress now. I don't drink and I quit smoking years ago, but I have had the occasional strong urge to do both when under periods of intense stress simply because food is no longer my safe haven. I had to learn new ways to deal with that stress. I found that jumping on my elliptical or doing some weed pulling/yard work has been therapeutic. Reading used to be one of my go-to stress reducers, but my concentration level during stress has really gone down. 

I'm sorry to hear about your dad. He's fighting for his life and it sounds like alcohol abuse really took it's toll not only on him, but the rest of the family, too. Be good to yourself. Nurture yourself. Find a positive way of dealing with the stress for your sake and your dad's. You and yours are in my thoughts.

Peace be with you

Colleen 

When I had my binge at his first diagnosis, I was sort of shocked because I really thought I had whipped that kind of emotional eating. I hadn't done it in a really long time and it took me by surprise. But I think the intensity of the stress has a lot to do with it. Also, things that stressed me out in my early 20s no longer get to me as much (thank God). 

Today I went for a long walk in the woods. I think walking helps, but walking in nature helps x1000. 

Eliza,

Yes keep up the nature walks. Thats a real life saver. Bless you once again.

Robin

I also have a close family member who is an alcoholic and can relate to how you are feeling.  My heart goes out to you and your Dad.