Crushed

We went to visit my husbands grandma and her husband this evening. They aren't close, I've only met them once before. We took our 9 year old son with us.

The grandma asked my husband how he'd lost so much weight and he explained the vsg to her. She proceeded to tell my 9 year old he needs to have it done then her husband looked at me and said 'your surgery must have not worked since you're still that big'. 

My heart broke into a million pieces. No one (except you guys) know how hard this is or what I've been through the past 6 months, then for someone you don't even know to say something like that..but what kills me most is my sons own great grandmother saying something so awful to him. People said mean things like that to me as a child and I still remember exactly how that feels. :(

I'm so sorry your little one had to hear that.  I believe that generation has no filters.  My 84 year Mother is the same way.  I am 62 and my entire life everyone called me Fats Baby.  It used to cut right through me.  I refuse to let it bother me anymore.  You have value and you have worth.  Never allow another human being to take that away from you.  You take care and be kind to yourself.  Your the only one that matters.  Have a wonderful Holiday ~ Kim

Thank you Kim. I told my parents about it and they said the same thing about people that age having no filters. It's just hard for me to grasp, although on my 16th birthday I vividly remember my own grandma telling me I was 'getting fatter than a pig' so I guess it's true. I just wish they knew how much it hurts.

Some people just need a filter on there mouth.  It is common courtesy not to say things like that to anyone never mind a child.  Maybe there is a good reason you have only met her once.  Just because she's family doesn't mean she can't be toxic.  Don't let it discourage you.  As for your son, I had 2 over weight kids myself.  The keys are healthy diet, portion control and exercise. Good luck. 

problem is, they dont CARE how much it hurts. My children's grandmother used to say the same kind of things tomy daughter though she was a normal size,go figure. Inow wish I had stood up for her,more than I did,and told my DH we would NOT be visiting her anymore. 

Ironically,we have actually broken all ties with her for the last 3 years and honestly,it has been some of the best 3 years of our married life. We had no idea how toxic she was to our marriage until she was no longer part of our lives.

I'm so sorry that happened, especially to your son. I heard comments like that as a child too. I hope it will be a very long time before you see them again. It sounds like there is a good reason you have only met them once before. Give your son some extra hugs tonight and let him know how perfect you think he is. Your opinion of him matters much more. 

Thanks for the kind words Erin, I agree 100 percent.

WOW. I really do think old people's brains start to deteriorate and they say things that they never would have earlier in their lives. I hope your son knows he is awesome! And you are awesome. Congratulations on your success.  You've got to have a thick skin to go on this journey. Know that there are people who understand and support you. Then never go back to see those awful people again!

There is no accounting for what some people say.  And its not just older people. You didn't mention your response but its not what matters.  I hope you have a talk with your son about how he has lots of growing to do and is doing just fine and sometimes when others say thoughtless things, we have to let it go and move on with the good things in life.  Yeah i remember some mean things people said to me about weight as a child. its awful.  so sorry this happened.  diane

You can't fix stupid. Or rude. Or condescending. I would never visit them again.