Weight Loss and Marriage

Weight loss surgery and divorce is a big topic. Many people have weight loss surgery, all for different reasons. Same with divorce after WLS. A lot depends on several factors. How much you have to lose, how long you've been overweight, what your relationship was like before your surgery, what your spouse is like, etc. I'll give you several examples:

Karen met Roger when she was 26 and extremly active. The got married, had kids, she got a desk job and the weight started piling on...fast forward 10 years and she wants WLS to lose 100 pounds. Chances are they WON'T get divorced. Why? A. she was "normal" weight when they got married B. She is probably more or less the same person she has always been just heavier. She isn't all of a sudden going to "discover" a new person because she has been thin before most likely she won't have a drastic personality change.

Mandy met David when she was 32, she was SMO and had been her whole life. David and Mandy have a good relationship. David is a "couch potato" and is SMO as well. Mandy finds she is now a type 2 diabetic and decides to have WLS. She loses 200 pounds and is now "thin". Most likely they will get divorced. Why? David is still the person he has always been. but now Mandy is active, getting attention from other people and wants to go out and socialize all the time. David is still a couch potato and wants to spend his evenings at home. David starts getting jealous because Mandy is now getting all kinds of attention from other guys, is always going out with friends and wants to do things David physically can't do. Mandy starts feeling resentment because David never wants to do things with her, she starts thinking that a divorce might be best so she can find someone more "social" and "active" than David.

Kelly met Steve when she was 32. Kelly was MO and had 80 (more or less) pounds to lose but always planned on trying to lose the weight although it wasn't a huge issue for her. Steve was active, a rock climber, hiker, rollerblader, snowboarder, skier, world traveler etc. Kelly was an occasional hiker, liked car camping, loved road trips, spending time with friends and family and trying new things. They got married, hiked when they had time, went camping in the summer etc. 8  years later, Kelly finds she is a type 2 diabetic although she still weighs the same amount she did before they got married. She decides WLS would be a great idea to help curb MO related medical issues. She loses 100 pounds and is now a "normal BMI". Their relationship a year and a half later is great. They still go hiking, camping (when time permits and now that the kids are older), they work in the yard together, go do things together and she doesn't notice any changes in how others treat her because she is totally clueless and always has been when it comes to things like that. Chances are they will remain married (at least I hope so. LOL) They have always been active together, she never felt like she "settled" for Steve, He never felt Kelly's weight restricted their relationship and while Kelly can now keep up with Steve better, Steve doesn't feel like Kelly is trying to "move on" without him.  Steve also doesn't notice a drastic change in Kelly's post WLS personality (or so he says. LOL).


OK. LOL. Yes the last story is mine (names changed to protect the guilty). These are just a couple of examples of how people interact. Your story may be different. For many people WLS is a step to life changing cir****tances, they may have a poor marriage and this is a way for them to get healthy before leaving their husbands and living the life they've always wanted. For others it truly is because of medical problems and they find their great marriage is better than ever before. WLS is a lot like pregnancy and life with kids. It will NOT save your marriage if your marriage already sucks. If your marriage is already rocky, chances are you'll end up in divorce. If you have a strong relationship, are secure in yourself and your spouse chances are you'll stay married. WLS doesn't SAVE or RUIN marriages. It DOES give you an alternate VIEW of said relationship. That view after WLS may say "divorce" it may not. No one has a crystal ball to see what will happen to your marriage.  Okay, enough said...I do tend to run at the mouth. LOL.

Katie,
I liked the examples especially yours. You have a GREAT personal story! Thanks for sharing!

Thanks! I'm glad the examples helped. LOL. I do tend to get going on some subjects and I guess this is one of them.

 Wow, I've never seen it detailed like that. I completely agree with you. I was a size 14 when I met my husband and felt great about my look. I gained after that and now down to a size 10. He loved me all along the way and we are doing great.

Thanks for taking the time to write that out. I think itsvery helpful.

Thanks. I'm glad someone found it helpful. Sounds like your doing FANTASTIC! Congrats!!

  Katie, that was so thouhgtful of you to take the time to illetrate That. Your right, if the  marriage is bad nothing will save it., like mine.

Sorry to hear about your marriage, a bad marriage is never a good thing. I hope you new life is everything you dream it can be!

And, sadly, there are a lot of MO women who are married to the only guy who ever showed any interest in them.  (These are like Mandy, usually.)  But it isn't always about being active.  It's about she was more in love with the idea of HAVING  husband than she was with the real life guy...she "took what she could get." And HE, btw, took what HE could get, given his slovenly habits or booze problem or employment difficulties or abusive nature.

When one factor in that trade-off changes, the whole deal is off because one partner now has the bargaining chips to "move up."

Unfortunate, but human nature nonetheless.

All good points and you are right it is unfortunate but definitely human nature.

I totally agree. I just didn't include that one as I though people would get tired of reading my "book" LOL. Unfortunately I see way to many women (skinny or not) who have low self-esteem and "settle" for a relationship because they think that is the best they can ever expect. I also see some women who's total identity seems to be based on if they have a boyfriend/fiance/husband or not. I had a sister-in-law like that once. She wasn't happy unless she had a boyfriend. Heck she married a guy after knowing him for a week and ended up with a husband who couldn't keep a job, drank to excess, flirted with women and ended up abadoning her and her two (or was it three) kids. She was in love with the idea of being in love.