Family with selective hearing..

So thanks to my brother (my mom told him before she realized I didn't want her telling anyone else in the family) my aunts know. That's right the sicilian aunt brigade is now on high alert!
I just spent nearly the last 45 minutes on the phone explaining to one of  them, the research I have done as well as my surgery only for her to go on about how I will get kidnapped or my kidneys will get stolen because I am going to Tijuana.  *facepalm*  Also every example of complications or regain after surgery was in reference to RNY surgery (not to knock that surgery because I have seen plenty of successes on here. al rocher  and randy (off of american idol) however, I guess were not. She also went on about malabsorption. Why does family develop such selective hearing about the actual procedure?  Instead of talking with me she was basically talking at me.

Then the guilt card was played (as it is in most italian families) In reference to me not telling them about the surgery. "i undersand you may not care about us, but we care about you and would want to know where you are"  really? I didn't tell them because it is my choice to do this and I trust that I have done as much research as I can ( i still look up and learn stuff everyday).

She told me too that i am not getting enough pre-op care. that there are reasons i need to go through so many doctors before surgery. Yes in the US there are many more hoops to jump through if your insurance covers it (it makes it easier for them to deny you afterall). I explained that my insurance does not cover wls and this was ultimately the reason I chose to do what I am doing. I told her my i have researched my surgeon as well as others and spoken to his patients that have previously gotten sleeved.

She asked if i would be able to follow the pre op and post op diet. I said yes. She was concerned also that my pre-op diet is not 2 full months of only liquids.  (seriously) and  told me if i can follow a post op diet then i should just diet and not get the surgery.  that is afterall working So well for my other aunt (note heavy sarcasm...also I love my aunts but the one that is SMO is very ill... if diets had worked she wouldnt be so sick).

I love that while I am old enough to drink, old enough to hold down a steady job, old enough to pay my own bills, drive a car, own my own home, ... i am apparently still not capable of making sound decisions regarding my own health.


Easter sunday is going to be ****** fantastic....

blah... 2 weeks 4 days to go...  thanks for letting me vent OH.

 

I know how you feel. I had the same trouble with my Mom. She is a surgical nurse and was very against it. For no other reason than the horror stories that she had heard. She is in a very small town in Montana and they only do basic surgical procedures at her hospital. I finally just confronted her and told her I needed her support and if she couldn't give it then I would no longer discuss it with her. Like you I had done tons of research and had made a informed and confident decision about MY health. I'm almost 2 weeks out down 21lbs. And certain I made the best decision for ME. And at the end of the day that's all that matters. Mom finally came around and so will your family. Until then smile and know you are changing your life for you and at the end if the day that's all that matters. Good luck to you. Happy Easter!

thanks for sharing about what dealing with your mom! It really helps to know I am not the only one dealing with this kind of stuff and I am so glad to have OH to share with and vent with others when needed.  :)  

I could have written this post!! 

Thank goodness my italian family, except mom and bro, didn't find out until a week after surgery.

My gram surprised me with being happy!! :)

My aunt...oh holy H*LL! I can't believe you didn't tell me...Do you know you can never have dairy again? *as i'm drinking a protein MILK shake* ....blah blah blah.....


Wait till the others find out...then I can add "You told her before me??" to the list...I try to just grin and love them the way they are...I empathize with you!

My mom was surprisingly the most supportive and she is a worry wart! lol 

My aunt just got me so upset on the phone. She acted like I was not even understanding why she was worried or that this was some thought I had stuck in my head and I was just being hardheaded and not listening to anyone when it was actually quite the opposite.

I talked to my mother afterwards and she said take it with a grain of salt. Of course though my mom does admit that she is just ready for the surgery to be done and me to be home and recovering well. But honestly I am ready for that too.  Im glad she is being supportive anyways.  

Consider your aunts as your Pre-surgery hoops. But don't forget everyone knows someone who knows someone that had a type of baritatric surgery and they had complications. (shocking). And why do people tell pregnant women horror stories of child birth? Who knows why people who supposedly love us do the things they do. Just keep your mouth shut and I would not discuss it anymore with anyone who was not supportive. You don't need any added stress right now.
When I told my husband  I didn't want his family knowing he didn't realize I meant his family! So they know and I do not talk to them about how I lost my weight. He can discuss his weight all he wants, this was and is my business. People who have never had a weight problem really don't understand, nor do some of them want to understand. Its like that aunt in My big fat Greek wedding"what you don't eat meat?! that's ok I will make Lamb". They don't want to get it.
Yes they LOVE you, and family is wonderful. Just don't let them stress you out.

Best of luck for Easter
Dani

LOL at the big fat greek wedding reference! It really is like that. Thankfully my hubby hasnt said a word to his side of the family. His brother knows (and is super supportive) but he will not go tell his mom (i talk to her more than he does lol).

Luckily the aunt that called will NOT be there tomorrow, but the other will (though she seems to play the more passive aggressive one and make sidecomments,so I can ignore those). I emailed the one aunt a TON of info on not only the actual surgery but stuff on my dr, beliteweight, patient reviews off of here, a YOUTUBE video of HIM doing the surgery. Just tons of info. I doubt that will satisfy her though as she is convinced I can get surgery here for near the same cost (NOPE!)

She said "People on medicaid can get it, your insurance coverage shoudl cover it!" 

I said: "nope they dont. medicaid has better coverage than my insurance!"

She is still convinced I am coming back without one of my kidneys. I could have been a smart ass like with one of my friends and said "well then thats just a few more pounds less to lose!" 

Don't think that would have helped though...  

Oh dear. If I were in your shoes, I would develop a sudden inability to show up for Easter dinner, and I'd turn off my voice mail and screen my calls. Of course, I'm snarky that way. :-)

Hubby and I have already decided that if crap starts we are leaving. If they don't like it, tough *****!

Either choose not to talk about it, and respect that I have made my mind (think what you want on your own, dont say it to my face) or just not see me for the next two weeks!


Funny however that in a year or so my cousin (my aunts daughter and she is a military wife) will see ive lost and probably want to go get surgery (more than likely with only going to a seminar and not researching ANYTHING on her own) and everyone will be in FULL support of her for the simple fact that she will do it in the USA since she has the insurance to. 

I research my butt off  but for the simple fact its in Mexico I am being completely irrational and crazy.  Fine, I choose crazy :P  

DISCLAIMER!!!! I tend to be blunt so take it with a grain of salt!!!

SCREW THEM!!! I had mine done in the Middle East. Tell them that they are so right and you have decided to go to Kuwait instead. Then sit back and watch their heads spin.

I can guarantee that they will absolutely support this cousin. Both my mother and my sister had WLS after me and neither of them did a whole lot of research. My mother went over to Kuwait to have it with the same surgeon that I had mine done with. There was the added bonus that I was there at the time and she just told everyone that she was going over to visit her daughter.

My sister started talking to me about the DS. While I think it's a fantastic surgery she would not take the vitamins required. She chose the lap band which I would have advised her against. I think the VSG would have been much better for her just due to not having to have fills.