Relationships after WLS

Good morning everyone!

So my husband and I had an interesting talk about relationships (ours and our relationship with friends, etc.) and how they would be effected by me (and eventually us) having WLS.  We have a great relationship now -and have the whole time we've been together and I've read that if a relationship is good it could get better - and if it's bad it'll get worse.  Has anyone found that to be true?

What has been your experience with:

your significant other who is not going through surgery? 

friends who find out you've had the surgery?

co-workers and/or employers? 

family members?

Were there any unforseen difficulties that came up?  How did you get around them?  Did anyone surprise you in how they responded?

p.s. - feel free to add me as a friend since I'm always looking for any and all input on various aspects of WLS. :)

From what I've seen good marriages get stronger, the weak tend to fall apart. Be careful with your new found confidence, if that's what you find after your weight loss, always being considerate of your spouse. The rule my husband and I have is this- if theres ever a question as to whats appropriate ask yourself this- would I do this in front of my spouse???
As for friends and family, you'll find out whos true. Some will surprise you! I imagine everyone that's gone through WLS has some kind of story.
For me it's all been worth it! It's great you are thinking about this now.
Best wishes!
Lisa

I heard the same thing if they are good they get great if they are bad they get worst.  I hope this is wrong though.  My husband and I have had a rocky pass, always stayed together but very rocky.  Lately our relationship has gotten better, so I hope we work out everything, but it is a big concern of mine
 Jenny

I wasn't particularly big when we got married 20 years ago, but he never said a word during the weight gain over the years.  I'm not sure how things will change.  The other night he rubbed my belly and said, "I'm going to miss this". hmmmm...  I thought, "well I'm not!". 

I think he will be supportive because last night at dinner he was telling our 14 year old not to rush his food because I won't be rushing after surgery and he said " we will all have to take our time because your mom will have to eat slow and chew lots."

It will take a bit of adjustment I'm sure, but I expect things will be fine. 

Many of us 'eat' our feelings/emotions for most of our lives. When that outlet is removed it's not uncommon to see changing dynamics with those you are in close relationships with. I was married for 14 years....and had what I thought was a strong marriage. It did not survive. He was normal weight, not a 'chubby chaser' with a preference for my fat body, and supportive of my surgery. As I focused on regaining my health and strength he withdrew. When all the energy of the relationship was on my shoulders I found I no longer had enough for us both. I chose me. First time in my life. I did so with a great therapist and a lot of clarity. No regrets. Susan

Yes,

I had a bad relationship and it got worst. I found that I stop taking BS from people around me. I do not know why, but people close to me say I am not nice anymore.  Ohhhhh too da#@ bad. Tired of those......

M

I am in the "good got better" group.

I adore my husband -- and love him even more for all of his support of my choice and my changes.

I have had nothing but positive, encouraging responses from everyone I have shared my experience with.

 I don't tell everyone I know that I had WLS --- but everyone has supported my weight loss and my exercise and life goals (if they don't support it, at least they are kind enough to not let me hear it).

My enhanced confidence has all gone into my career --- I am so much more outgoing in client meetings and presentations.  I got a 'double promotion' this year and have recently applied for a management position.

I'm in the good still good category though I'm not sure when most people's problems come up. I think bad relationships tend to fall apart with wls new found confidence. Also a good marriage can fall apart when someone doesn't know how to handle 'attention'. You'd be surprised at the men that will come on to you in your life. You will be surprised. I am very happy at home so that wasn't a problem for me, but someone who's never had attention might succumb .

I believe you have a fantastic start; eyes wide open, informed, and aware.. Having a good relationship and keeping the lines of communication open is the most important part of any big change.
  Some people that have bad reactions to WLS are either uninformed or, in some of my experiences, jealoous that it actually worked for me, but once I told them that it was not the EASY fix that they thought and informed them, their attitudes changed some.
  As for my relationship, which is over, it was bad from the beginning and as I gained confidence in myself it got worse because I began to realize just how wrong it had been from the beginning. I am now in the best relationship of my life because I gained the confidence to know the difference!!
 Long story short, it all depends on you and how you react to the changes in yourself. This is ONLY my opinion and did not even realize that it was my belief until I started writing this!!
 p.s.- maybe if you keep your husband informed of your changes and how you feel about those changes and care about his feelings, that will help him too!?

I too am in the good got better group.
After being married for 12 years I had mine. My husbend and I have been though so much though out the years and I tell you If I knew it would get this much better I would have done it years ago.
Our lives are so much more then it was. We have always been close. He supported me no matter what I looked like. Now I know I look good.
I guess I would have to say all the undesireables as far as my personal feelings were more my falt then his. I guess it was my low self-worth.
Friends seem to be closer to me. I dont know if it was shame or what. I know that these friends are superficial. I do have some really close friends who have not changed. I also have some that treat me differant. I think its because they are ashamed of their weight.
Family members changed some feel scared for me because they feel that I am gonna get too thin others feel jellice because the once fat girl is smaller then they are and they can no longer put me down.
Coworkers are shocked and a little uneasy... but accepting.
I knew that people would treat me differant. I feel that as long as Im good with me then that all that matters. If they truely care about you then they will be proud and not see that you changed inside. You just changed outside.