What do i Say?

I went to a seminar and have an appointment on march 22nd to talk to the doctor more.. My insurance doesn't cover any weight loss surgeries. So me and the hubby are saving up  the money for it.. (So my surgery will be around September)

My question is... Im related to such judgemental people and i don't think my friends would like it either.. which it is my choice. But question...

I don't want the whole world and their brother to know I am having  the surgery (sleeve)
So anyone know what i can tell them about being in the hospital and the scars.. Or when im losing weight..

Im not ashamed but i feel its kind of personal..

thank you all

Im 5ft 2 and weigh 222... I was 105 in High School
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I felt the same way, but believe it or not, those that I thought would give me the most hassles ended up being very supportive and thrilled  for me.  Overall, they were concerned about my health and pleased that I was doing something to reverse my medical conditions.  I waited right up to almost my surgery date before I said anything though and reassurred them that I had been considering (the RNY) and researching for close to five years.

Most importantly, the one to please is yourself!

I am so happy I made this choice.  My self esteem is so high.  My joints no longer ache.  I am off my blood pressure medicine.  I possess so much self confidence that I feel I can do anything. Not a day goes by that someone is not telling me how great I look.  What a boost to the ego.  

I am happy for you and wish you the best.  You will not regret it.  

 I know people who told everyone they know and lots of people that they did not know.  My husband told everyone about my surgery, including waitresses, strangers at the movie theater, and check out people at the grocery store. He was excited and proud.   Some people were interested, some were not.  I remember one lady saying that all she had to do was go on a diet and her stomach would shrink to be just as small as mine.  I never corrected her, just smiled to myself.

Your journey can be as personal or as private as you please.  Family members close enough to know you are in the hospital can be told the truth or you can come up with a believable story.  Gall bladder surgery is a often used white lie.  The scars are pretty tiny and are only going to be seen in a two piece swimsuit.  If someone asks, they could also be explained as gall bladder or some other similar abdominal surgery scars.  You can avoid the whole discussion by wearing a one piece swimsuit and avoiding tops that expose your midsection.

At your weight the loss can be easily explained by diet and exercise.  I would run into people that I had not seen for a few years and they would not be able to figure out why I looked different.  They would ask if I had changed my hairdo.  I was exercising and dieting so had no guilt about telling people that I did that.  It is going on five years now and most people don't remember me as being heavy.  I am careful about what I eat, but many people who were always slim eat the same way that I do.

To tell or not tell is your personal decison.  If I had it to do over I would have kept it much more secret than I did.

You can say lots of things.

You can say "I will be having surgery next week."  If they ask what for, you can say, "It's kind of personal.  I'd rather not talk about it," and change the subject.

You can "I'm having stomach surgery," but not say exactly what kind.

Some people lie and say "I'm having my gall bladder removed" or something similar.

You don't have to tell people you're having surgery at all.  You can say "I'm having a medical procedure" and follow up with "It's personal, I'd rather not talk about it" if they ask for more information.  Or you can tell them you'll be away from a few days taking care of some personal business.

I don't think many people will see your scars, with they?  But if they do, you can say you had stomach surgery.

If people ask about your weight loss after surgery, you can just smile and say "Yes, I am losing weight.  Thanks for noticing" and then change the subject.

If they ask how you're doing it, you can say "Oh, it's hard work."  You can say "I'm working with a doctor that specializes in weight loss and a dietician."  You can say "I'm eating less and exercising more" which will be true, just not the whole story.

I tell people on a need to know basis, but pretty much everyone in my life knows and is very supportive. When I don't want to go into the details, I just say I'm taking better care of my health.

 I came right out and told everyone that I was having surgery...I did it for ME, not them...I felt that it would be more trouble telling stories than just telling the truth...Not one family member or friend has ever said anything that wasn't positive...It was so nice to get the praises and the support...Good luck in your decision.

I told my kids and one friend.  Even my own mother doesn`t know, as she will tell and discuss it with anyone, even the garbage men if she had a chance.  AND would get it wrong anyways or give lots of personal, unnecessary commentaries.  Even my siblings didn`t know until my kids accidentially told one of them (they thought I had shared it) and SHE told another sibling.  See how that works....

For people I see that comment on my weight loss, I tell them, truthfully, that I am eating smaller amounts, more frequently, doing low carb and eating proteins.  It`s all true; I just neglect to tell them I HAVE to eat this way due to surgery.

It`s your choice, but really, it`s no one else`s business, any more than you might tell them you are having a breast implant, or a tummy tuck, or anything else...........  Need to know is the key.   And really, who needs to know?

I went away for a couple of days, came back and continued on with life, albeit with a different food plan; no big deal to keep it unnoticable.  Still took a plate of food, pushed a lot around and then just said I wasn't hungry, or whatever worked.  The plate was definitely smaller than normal, but I still didn't force myself to eat it......

Does addiction run in your family?  A family of judgmental people is one of the hallmarks for addictive families.  If so, attending OA for yourself or an -Anon meeting (for those affected by someone's drinking, drug use, etc.) will be really helpful in teaching you boundaried communication.  As they say, attend at least SIX (6) yes, SIX :) Meetings before you decide if it is for you. 

Families with judgmental people lack boundaries.  While we can't change others, we can learn how to reinforce our own boundaries.  I wish you MUCH PEACE!

Best,

Chris.. you mean in my family?  Nope.  No drinking or drug use; parents barely drank, me - maybe 2 drinks per year.  No drugs around; never was.

I do boundaried communication... my boundaries are I don't need to tell everything to everyone; things can be on a need to know basis. 

I did what I felt was right for Linda I did not tell anyone other than my husband and daughter and when the weight came off I was honest and just did not give a crap what anyone had to say. Of course because I am such a open honest straight up person no one said anything to my face and I just didn't care what they did have to say. I did not and will not ever seek public re-enforcement nor approval from anyone. And what scars do you think they will "see" ? Just wondering.