Crap! It IS me! (bit of a rant about dating)

I always thought that I attracted turds because I was feeling so crappy about being overweight.  I settled for bad behavior when I should have told them to get bent.  I always thought about "when i lose the weight" how differently I would be treated and what I would expect from relationships.

Then I lost the weight.  And figured out, I'm still a turd magnent!  Oh sure, I recognize it sooner.  I avoid the obvious cases of turdiness.  But nonetheless, if there are 10 great guys in a room, I will be attracted to the turd.  UGH!  When did I become one of those girls that puts up with this crap??  That needs to change NOW.

So what to do about this?  Well hell.  First of all, I need to apparently work harder on my self esteem and sense of worth.  I have been working hard on this in therapy and thought I had come so far.  But there is work to be done.  I need to even watch this in the language I use when I am talking to people.  "I kinda felt hurt when you said that."  NO.  You hurt my feelings with your insensitive comments and that isnt okay. 

I havent been dating for a while to just find my feet.  And speaking of that subject, doesnt anyone just date anymore??  Why the hell does it have to go from having supper and a movie to let's have sex and move in together?  Am I the last one to think this is a BAD idea?  What happened to the whole process of dating and falling in love and making it mean something?  ugh.  Everyone seems to be in such a hurry.  So you want to label me a prude?  I am totally okay with that.  Cuz sleeping with someone I dont have feelings for just isnt me.  At least I know that much about myself.

I like the dating and the talking.  Walks, flowers, getting to know each other.  Yeah.  I LIKE THAT.  So THAT'S what I am sticking with.  I guess that's part of fixing the situation too.  Deciding what I am and am not okay with.  It is SOOO much easier for me to say that this is the guys fault.  But the evidence is CLEAR that its ME that needs to change.  AWW HELL.  I hate when I have to admit it.  grin*  Hey, it is getting better.  I attract a better class of turds at least.  lol.  TEASING. 

I never thought I would be back in the dating pool at 36 years old.  I thought I would stay married once I got married.  Lots of work to do.  But I feel better after the vent.  LOL! 

I think you are doing GREAT! Its easy to get caught up in the moment of "He likes me, he really likes me" and not see the "he's a total ****waffle" lurking just below the surface.

Someone *****ally truly likes you will take it slow, will want to get to know you, will understand. And you deserve no less then that.

I find that if you date the guy who you would normally classify in the "friend zone" you are getting a good guy....

good luck.

Oooh boy, I attracted the idiots too. I was always so self-conscious that I'd think "Well, he treats you okay, and that's the best you can do as a fat girl." That made it hard to set boundaries, because I just wanted people to like me so badly.

When my now-husband and I started dating, admittedly we were pretty inseparable after the first date. We moved in together after a year, and that's quick when you're only 20 and 21.

I was so suspicious of his compliments back then. Looking back on it, the beginning of our relationship had to be difficult for him. He was constantly proving that he wasn't in this for the physical perks and that he genuinely cared for me.

My self-esteem still isn't the greatest, but I work hard at being honest about when something is hurtful and I try to speak up when I don't want to do something and feel guilty about it. It's difficult to let go of years of bad habits and attitudes.

We got married last month after 7.5 wonderful years of dating, learning to live with one another, and doing our best to improve as individuals. It was not easy when our apartment flooded, or we were both in limbo after college graduation, or when his mother was diagnosed with cancer. But we worked/work through those things together and it strengthens our relationship. I knew I was sure of Joe when I saw how gentle he is with animals (melts my heart!) and how much he cares about family.

Believe me I've been there. Here is what helped me. Go to the library or a bookstore and get "Getting the Love you Want", by Harville Hendrix, PhD. (ISbn:13: 978-0-8050-8700).

Read the whole book and try to put the tools into action. I truly believe it helped me to discover who I was, why I did the things I did, why I kept attracting the same kind of person, and how to change what I wanted so I could get what I wanted.

Good luck to you,

It's never too late for change.

There are nice guys out there. But a lot of jerks are are there and they will remain single.   Tha's why they are single.
And some of us - when we find a nice guy - and we like him - we do try to keep him - so he is not available for the rest of the girls.

I do feel that for every nice single guy - there is at leats 5-10 jerks (or more) so finding the right one for you (not every nice guy will be right for you) is a very tricky task.

Good luck in your search.

 Dating takes practice, I did a lot of it when I got divorced at 35 and it was really a learning experience about myself.  I learned self respect and the fact that I can choose whoever I want to be with and I never have to just settle.  My bf and I just celebrated 10 years together, and I still love him today as much as when we first met.

Good luck.

You're preaching to the choir here, honey!  I've been in a couple of long-term relationships but have never been married.  I'm 58 years old (or will be at the end of next week).  Yes, I do get lonely every now and then, but every time I find a man, he's a bum who expects me to take care of him.  What a joke!  I've taken care of myself all my life.  I'm not the best financial manager, etc., but I've always taken care of myself.  I didn't have children, and I don't want to start taking care of one now, even if they are my own age!  I bought myself a dog -- unconditional love and no back talk.

Sorry your post made me laugh, if only I was that smart when I was young and had a small dog instead of a baby, hmmmm how much more stress free my life would be.  No one said I would be worried for eternity once he was born.  Today I had to watch him go around the block twice before he found a parking spot, once he came into our lobby I asked him what happened with the parking, I said really you are still afraid to parallel park, he said well it wasn't on the driving test.  The ladies I work with burst out laughing.  lol  And dogs don't beg for money either.

Although it's a bit violent, there is an old Bruce Willis movie called "The Last Boyscout."  It has a lot of very funny stuff in it, but Bruce plays a detective who finds out his wife is cheating.  When he confronts her, she tells him she was lonely.  He tells her, "buy a dog!"  Wiser words were never spoken.