Grateful!
I am filled with such gratitude today that I had to share. A lot of the times when I post, it is to get the bad information my head tries to tell me that I feel like it may seem that I focus only on that. If I shared my journal, I think you would see how truly joyful my life is these days. I wanted to share that today.
I am grateful today that I am able to work the jobs that I have. I would not have been able to do this before surgery...was not able to do this! As much as I sometimes wish I didnt have to work as much, I am grateful that I CAN work. My children and I no longer have to worry about where the money for the bills will come from. Things are still tight, but I know that the bills will be paid. What a relief! I dont rely on state aid to get us by. We still have health coverage for the kids but it is a great feeling to know that I am doing the rest by myself with very minimal child support from the ex husband. I am doing it! I am strong and I am capable and that makes me feel so grateful and good inside.
I had a most excellent last minute Halloween night out with a really good friend. I had to work at my second job so I wasnt planning on going out. I hadnt even bothered with a costume this year though Halloween is my favorite time of the year next to Christmas. I ended up getting off work early and the kids had opted to spend the night with my folks. I was able to borrow a costume and have it fit! Like a glove in fact! This was a first for me. I ended up in a floor length witch costume that was sexy for what it didnt reveal as much as for what it did. I felt beautiful in it and it was a real joy to be out dancing and just having fun without worrying how i looked. Dancing. me. I danced the rest of the night away and though i was sweaty and tired at the end, I danced the whole time and had a blast. Could it get any better than that??
I kept up with the kids the whole time treat or treating and I went myself. I didnt have to send them with someone because i couldnt walk with them. They were ready to stop before I was! Another moment with my kids that I could have missed, wont ever get back, and I was there for. Rock on i say!
I am getting to know myself more and more. I discovered that I like to crochet, fix up old furniture, repurpose things that most would have just gotten rid of and then re-sell it, and other undiscovered talents. I discovered that I dont have to settle for the first wink and smile someone throws me. I am okay all by myself. Holy cow! That is huge for me. I actually enjoy my own company most of the time. To feel "whole" without having a guy in my life was a huge deal for me as I dont think I have ever allowed myself that gift. Not to say that allowing someone in my life doesnt appeal to me, just that for once in my life, it isnt top priority. My kids and I are doing great, all on our own. Cool beans!
Lastly, my 9 year old daughter thinks she is a rock star. (you remember being a rock star? that time in your childhood where you were AWESOME and you didnt even THINK about what others thought of you.) This is the age when the girls especially start nit-picking each other. I see it happening in her class. I see it happening with her best friend and the girls in her section. And there is my daughter, feeling proud of who she is and the way her body is. There is my kid, accepting others as they are. I heard the two girls talking about another girl in their class. Her friend mentioned that the girl was chubby. My daughter said, I think she is beautiful and she is smart in science. lol. Rock on. I hope she keeps seeing the beauty in everyone and in herself. I hope that I can show her the difference in vanity and healthy. I want her to make healthy choices for her body, not because of what some guy thinks she should do or be or say. And she shows me everyday how to be a rock star again. She thinks I am awesome. One day, the neighbor kid said, youre mom used to be fat as a hog and my mom said she will be fat again once the surgery wears off. My daughter said, my mom used to be unhealthy and now she makes healthier choices. and she is beautiful on the inside so i dont care how she looks on the outside. Another time she was showing off her room that I had just redone for her. Her friend said, wow your mom is so talented. I wish my mom would be as nice as yours. Now I was expecting emily to brag or do some other kid expected thing. Instead my wonderful girl says, Your mom is super talented just like my mom. She takes really good pictures of you guys and puts them all over your house! She didnt put anyone down. Didnt put one over the other. just pointed out the beauty in both moms. How cool is that?
There are so many other really cool things going on in my life that I think i missed before the surgery. I think I have always had the life I wanted, surgery just woke me up and made me realize it. We are happy and we are healthy. Isnt that the dream?? have a great day!!
What a wonderful post! Thanks for sharing. It sounds like you have taken the tool you have been given, worked very hard, and have become successful in in so so many aspects of your life. You should be so proud of your accomplishments including raising an incredibly sensitive independent young daughter. Congratulations!
Batwingsman · 5 replies · 1811 views