weight loss & relationships...

Many times I've heard of relationships ending after someone goes through weight loss surgery or excessive weight loss. In my case that's exactly what happened. Not only did I lose weight but I also lost my marriage, home, car, money, family & friends. But, without the weight loss, I would still be stuck in a miserable marriage where neither of us were happy. Some think it's because, once the person loses weight, they have a new found confidence & freedom. They have more choices and opportunities. That's not always the case. The person losing the weight isn't always the one to blame.

Many times the partner is the cause. In my case he took advantage of the fact that he could treat me however he wanted because he knew I'd never be able to leave him and take care of myself on my own. Once I was started losing weight I tried so hard to get him to see that we needed to work on our marriage. I begged him to talk to me, do counseling, anything. But he refused to change the way he treated me. After 17 years and a long struggle I made the choice to end the marriage. Of course everyone blames me. They said I should stay because  took care of me all those years that I was in bad health. They said after I lost weight and I left because I didn't need him anymore. They just didn't get it. No matter what someone does for you, it doesn't give them the right to treat you badly.

Holy crap!   You lost over 400 lbs?!?!  In my opinion, you can do whatever the hell you want to - you have earned it, lady!   We need to get rid of what we don't want in our life to make room for all the good stuff.  And no one should stay in a relationship because they feel they "owe" it to the other person.  If he didn't make you feel like a million bucks then it was time to end it.   

Kudos to you! 

You are exactly right.  It's not always the person losing the weight but the other people in their life that can't seem to accept it, especially in marriages.  Jealousy becomes very common when the partner thinks now you're slim and trim that you're going to start looking, etc.

Good for you for taking care of yourself - both physically and emotionally.  Perhaps one day the other people will see what you saw in your husband and acknowledge he treated you badly - but don't count on it.

Time to move on!

Yep. I agree with the others. You have your life back and now it is time to take care of YOU!! Do not let others make you feel bad about making the decision you needed to make. The mental part is the hardest. You will find your place in the world and be happy. Believe that!!

As one WLS statistic to another sorry to hear about the split but as Laura put it the mental part of this rodeo is the hard part.

Read your profile - Holy Weight Loss Success Story!

Your RIGHT, no one has the right to treat you badly.  Congratulations to you for taking the steps needed to take care of yourself.

It sounds like you are on the road to a healthy and happier life.  Here is an article that has some valuable information on relationships after wls.  Hope some of this helps.

http://www.obesityhelp.com/articles/relationships-after-weig ht-loss-surgery-for-better-or-worse/

Here's a tip on how to tell whether to use 'your' or 'you're'. If you mean 'you are', then use 'you're'. If you mean 'this belongs to you', then use 'your'.

you've done a wonderful, fabulous transformation!! I just looked at your pix...congratulations!!! 

hugs to you, so sorry for what it took to get to this point.  If people aren't on your side, then they are against you, and must be eliminated from your life for your survival.   It sounded like your marriage was in the toilet anyway, and it probably would have been harder to end it before you started this journey.  But know this to be true, you are where you should be, no matter how you got there.  and you should be having a much happier (well deserved) life.  I wish you all the best...and, I think you need a new name, you are NOT an airhead!! (unless that has a meaning I don't get :)

The loss of a relationship, any relationship no matter how unhealthy is hard. One person can not change or make better a relationship, it takes two and if your husband was unwilling to walk your path of growth and change with you then you have no choice but to walk forward without him.  You owe him nothing.  Each day is a new day and loving relationships don't count the deeds (good or bad).  We start each day anew giving 100% of our love and support to each other.  To live any other way is to invite hardships and disaster into our relationship.  I am all for people working to improve their relationships but if that is not happening or not possible there is no need to continue to live in a relationship that hurts.  

The people in your life that love you will see the truth.  Those that don't should be put on the shelf with your husband.  Don't let anybody take another happy day away from you. You have gone through a lot physically and emotionally to get your life back.  Go forward in confidence that you are a strong woman that is deserving of love and respect.  Anything else is not allowed into your life.

God bless.

wow, air head,so true. I know sense losing weight my marriage is changing too. But luckily my spouse it trying to change with me. You are valuable.. Even though it ended (the marriage )doesn't mean your done. Now you get a new beginning....