WLS and Marriage

I am pretty much a hot mess of confusion. I have lost a lot of weight... I am changing, physically, emotionally and spiritually. Having said that.. my relationship, my marriage is in jeopardy.

I feel like the most selfish human being ever born. I feel such guilt about wanting 'more' in my marriage. 

Have you been through this? Did your marriage last? Did your marriage fall apart? Are you currently happy with your decision?

I am in need of some really good advise.

Sadly after 20 years of marriage, him calling me fat. I had the WLS. He left me. He then got remarried to a plus size girl. I am much happier than i have ever been~ Best thing that ever happened to me. I met a wonderful guy, he saw pictures of me when I was fluffy. He said he would of dated me then. We have been together for 5 years. He makes me laugh, and loves me for me~

I am so very sorry for the loss of your marriage. Having said that I am so very happy that you have found true happiness!!

My husband is NOT going to leave me... it would be the other way around.

Thanks for your reply!!!

I dont even have a surgery date yet and I am in the same boat as you. Though not married we have been together for 7 years now. Theres been hard times and a lot of drama surrounding my weight. It was never really an issue for me until I got with this guy. I am almost sure that once I have the surgery and start my journey and gain my self esteem back that we are not going to make it. I know his amount of physical attention towards me will increase and I am liable to resent him for how miserable I have been all these years lonely but stuck. Sometimes I believe that when we are with someone and then change as drastically as this process makes us change it not only changes us physically but mentally you can essentially become a new person and the new you with the old him may not be a good match. I wish you the best of luck in being happy, however that may come to you.

You dont have to be sorry for me~ I am in a much better place~I look at it this way~ Good luck to you. Hope it all works out :)

Jill - I haven't been through this but wanted to offer my sympathy for what you're feeling and going through right now.  My husband and I have been together for 12 (2nd marriages for both of us).  When we started dating he was at a healthy weight and I was heavier than him by a few pounds.  It never bothered him.  Even when I yo-yo-ed up and down and gained more weight it never bothered him.  

He wasn't super-comfortable with me getting the surgery but ended up supporting it.  By that time he was 100 lbs. overweight too.  Once he saw my success he decided to get the surgeyr a year later.  

Both of us agree that if one of us had stayed fat and the other had gotten healthy that it would have been a horrible strain on the marriage.  I've read from others that WLS will make a good marriage better and a bad marriage worse.  You are NOT selfish for wanting to be your best and healthiest self.  And you're not selfish for wanting to be in a relationship with someone who supports you in those goals and cheers you on.  

My advice would be to seek out marriage counseling.  If he won't go then go yourself so you can make sure that any decision you make is made from a place of love and integrity.  

Good luck! 

I am single, but from my years of observation in the bariatric world, good marriages seem to get better and bad marriages seem to get worse. I have never seen a great marriage ruined by one person losing weight. When people lose weight and get their self-esteem back, they no longer want to stay in crappy marriages and get out.

Good luck.

Exactly how I feel!  Like we were already having issues and this just put a stake in the coffin!

Laura, I noticed you had brachioplasty.  I wanted to know how long it took for your arms to be the way you wanted after the surgery and if it was painful. I'm considering it myself now. 

Thanks so much! 

omģ! I didn't read the replies Yet but I had to Comment!  This is exactly what I am going through righr now!  I had my surgery In oct. To date I've lost over 100 lbs. My husband started getting very jealous and insecure and I found myself wanting MORE As well, confused about the jealousy as I was this size when we first met!  It got so bad he moved out and moved to another state and left me with 5 kids!   I can't deny that I am enjoying this ME time now but it's getting so hard oN me emotionally and especially with the kids. .. idk.. I've told hI'm what I want and how things needed to change and he is just not willing.... I'm scared as I'm gonna be 40 and with 5 kids... who the heck would ever want me!? Is this all worth it...is this just how it goes after so many years and so many changes? Do we just suck it up and deal with it??