Who Am I?

I have been asking myself this question alot lately. I am starting this journey and it is so hard to focus on fixing me when I have spent my life helping others and putting them ahead of me. I was told today that I need to think of myself as a warrior and that I need to fight to the finish that this is not gonna be hard and yes right now it is so very confusing and overwhelming. I need to take one day at a time, instead of thinking so far ahead, its hard when u look in the mirror and all u wanna see is instant results, I suffer from very bad self esteem and self worth so even looking in the mirror or complimenting myself is so hard. I thought I did good getting some groceries today even opting for the lighter of some of the brands I normally get and then I read the labels and it has  more sugar and sodium, things like this are frustrating but its all part of this learning experience I just need to embrace it instead of trying to figure out an easy way or looking for an easy button!!! I however am making slow strides, I have started wearing my sleep apnea mask again, which is a plus I felt alot more rested today, still cannot get myself to keep it on all night I don't know if that will ever happen....anyway I hope to know who I am by the end of this journey and to understand why I was sent on this path and where I am supposed to b...thanks for listening to my rant I really appreciate it!!!

Sara, I'm 84 pounds down since last fall and no one notices.   Ignore the mirrors.  What WILL happen is you will start to physically FEEL better way, way , wayyyyy  long before you start to see the physical changes.  The NSVs, not getting winded, not getting sweaty , noticing it's not as tight a fit in XXX seat.   the surgery is worth it.  We are too far gone for the weigh****cher thing and the ability to "put our dietting off for a day, weekend, etc" for  "uncle joe's wedding" or  "Sally's communion"  or mom's birthday dinner and cake.  

Surgery will change your life.  I hope you get it soon.

Hi Sarah!

I totally get what you're feeling.  I felt like this at the end of last summer, living in a new city and feeling isolated and horrible about myself.  That's when I started the process again to get my surgery.  I also had to take back focus onto myself and start doing things that were good for me not just convenient for everyone else.  I HATED looking in the mirror and was never nice to myself. The person I saw in the mirror wasn't me. I knew what I looked like in my head and the mirror didn't reflect that... it was a really painful time for me.

But you are on the right path! Like the previous poster said, we are too far gone to just start another diet on Monday.  I literally can't count how many diets I have tried.  Weigh****chers should have a frequent joiner club cus I would have been in it. Every medical weight loss program in my old city has a file on me. I hit rock bottom and I couldn't do it by myself anymore. But with the surgery, I have been able to stick with it and I am trying desperately to change my whole attitude about food and weight.  I like who I see in the mirror now and you will start to see who you really are.

It is definitely a process but a really worthwhile one.  It goes faster than you think it will if you really dedicate yourself.  Congrats on taking the steps to get this done and become healthier.  I really hope you keep going and can get the surgery to help you reset and start to figure out who you really are are the inside. Take care!

Karin

I started asking this question a few years ago, when a friend suggested I should maybe see a therapist about my food issues. I knew what to do, how to do it, yet I WASN'T DOING IT. (In my mind that qualified as an eating disorder). For all that I hadn't tried much to lose weight, when I did try, it failed.

One of the things I realized was that I had labelled myself as 'a fat person'. Not my defining characteristic - I had & still have good self-esteem, but that had become an immutable characteristic - as fixed as my quirky sense of humour or my skepticism.

But it wasn't. I refused to accept the label of 'disabled' (I prefer 'handicapped', but that's a different rant), but I'd accepted 'fat', even though neither of those were immutable. Once I realized that, and changed my mindset, EVERYTHING ELSE CHANGED. Not overnight, but wow, did things change.

Not saying this necessarily, absolutely applies to you, but it was an epiphany. I think it's helpful to explore who we really think we are, deep down.