Sometimes you just have to vent.

I am so sick of going to my surgeons support group and feeling like a minority. Lets start with I am the only guy. The day I decided to have my lap band surgery was the say I decided all my **** would have to change I would eat right; I would exercise etc. which I have done. But what I am just tired and frustrated by is going to this meeting and the woman folk cry and complain that they have had the surgery and lost only 15 ponds in 6 months. While on the same hand they are complaining about how little they have lost and how they expected the weight to just fall off, they are talking about how they can not go a day without ice cream, or how easy cookies go down etc. I just do not F$##$# get it. Then they hold me up as a shining example (and i do not like or think that at all) and wonder how I have lost as much as I have in so short a period a time. (70 lbs in 3 months with the LapBand) Then they will start on their 'Well, you know, Guys loose weight so much faster then women do!" True, guys do loose weight faster but, I have lost the weight I have because I have busted my ass- because I have not had Ice Cream or cakes or cookies etc, since my surgery. I just walkd out of that meeting so frustrated and not saying a word. Thanks all for letting me vent, it really does make me feel a lot better! Chris

Chris - first of all great job on your loss. Socond, I could have written that post. You said exactly how I feel at times. I to made the decision to get my *s* together the day I had surgery. I have not had a bite of bread, fried foods, sweets, high carb or high fat foods since I had surgery in May and am down 148 pounds in 9 months. I have a lot of friends and co-workers that have had WLS (some of both). I see them eating all kinds of crap and then wonder why they haven't done as well as me. To the point of I see them hiding food when I come around because they they feel guilty around me. Makes me feel bad for them. I don't get it either. But I know it works when we work the band. Again great job!

Neal...My Texas Brother.. go to the Texas Board for the Texas Tally...we are adding up how much people in Texas ahve lost... Russ

Chris, Sorry you've got a sucky group there.... It is infuriating to listen to some of the bizarre logic sometimes. There's a gal that had her surgery within a few months of mine. She's lost about halfway to goal in over 3 years, And claims- "Tracking her intake on fitday, staying below 800 calories, getting all of her water, protein etc... Claims to exercise 5 days a week by walking 4 miles each time. And still gaining back a few pounds a month." She has gone on and on about 'depressed metabolic rate' but even if she were sleeping like Rip Van Winkle, at 5' 10" and 275 at 800 Calories? For 3 years? Come On!! In one meeting she did 'mention' that she really liked the Chocolate Covered Almonds and that they had beneficial Essential Fatty Acids.... I wanted to yell out--"There's Your Freakin' 'Depressed Metabolic Rate!!!!!' Chocolate Covered Nuts!!!???!!!! But, -------not my child to raise...... I don't let the odd and mis-guided voices drowned out the rest of the folks. If you can find at least one other person at your group to connect with And tune out the babble of the confused/self-deluded, then you can get something out of it. Perhaps use the Ice-Cream sneakers as good examples of what to avoid? Find "The Best Bad Example" and find out exactly what they are doing, Then do the opposite..... My best recommendation is to use your support group "celebrity status" To re-direct the conversation as often as possible. Take over and run the show! The more you bring to the group, the more you'll get out of it.... Don't hold your tongue. Speak your mind...Just in a way that re-focuses the group toward success. If you weren't engaging the group, Your time was wasted, not theirs...Yes? Just my thoughts... Your Mileage May Vary... Best wishes- Dx

I hate being the minority at my surgeons support group. First of all it's 90 pecent women, the couple of guys that do come are pretty "subdued"...or "whipped" depending on how you look at it. 99 percent of the group has had the RNY, which makes me the only DSer....so I often feel like I have to "defend" myself. Unfortuantely, the group really doesn't offer me much, so I just don't go, and I come here instead. All the talk of strictures, late term weight regain, low fat diets, and worst of all droopy boob talk ....just don't apply to me. I say if you don't like your support group go to another one. Most surgeons support groups are open to anyone....find one where you'll feel da' love. Scott

Wow man. I can relate. I can remember, before my surgeries, my wife and I helping someone out who was having the surgery. Just kind of keeping tabs on her while she was in the hospital, that sort of thing. After she had the surgery, she would come around our online community and talk about how she would - not even three weeks out from the surgery - chew up and "spit out" a fast-food taco. Or how she would eat "just the cheese" from a piece of pizza. It amazes me how people can agonize over having this surgery. They agonize over the risk and about the other issues that come up from having the surgery. They make the decision to have it, and then they go and **** it away like so many gallons of used beer. I just don't understand it. You risk your life for this, you bust your ass to try and lose the weight. And then you go out and pull this stuff?? To me, that's like someone going through chemotherapy and getting thier lung cancer in remission, then stepping outside the hospital and lighting a cigarette. People just need to suck it up. If you're going to risk your life, and get this second chance at life, you need to follow through. And if you don't, don't cry to everyone else about it - stand up and take responsibility.

Hey Chris, you hit it right on the head. My experience has been the same and why this board is so valuable to me. I put this in another post, but I want to recommend this book to all of you. It's designed more as a career enhancing book, but I've found it far more valuable in life change - which is exactly what we need here. Here is the link. It's called "What Got You Here Won't Get You There" by Marshall Goldsmith. Just came out mid-January. http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/men/postdetail/50082.html?vc=0 Vent here any time. I'm so thankful for the men in this group....I get the support AND accountability I need to make this journey and life change. Thanks Guys.

Hey Chris... i hear you... The whinning has to go.... there was some really good info on the filmed talks that DXE gave at the last convention...they are about 1 hour each...and he talks about groups, and the social make op of them...I don;t have the site now, but one of these guys can give it to you.... very informative Russ

Chris, This dialogue makes me realize how lucky I am to have a surgical program that has a men's only support group meeting once a month. I have never been to a general support group meeting so I can't comment on it. I do know it is worth it to me to drive 200 miles once a month to receive and hopefully give support and knowledge to each other. Life is good, Rick

Lets back up a step- I go to 3 Support Groups a month- 2 are local in Ocean County NJ and they are great, and I go to one in Princeton NJ at my sugeons office 1 x a month- The only reason I make the trip each month to the Surgeons office for this support meeting is to have an ongoing rapport with him as to my medical conditons. Even though I have an appointment 1x a month for a fill, in the Support Center arena there is a bit more time to 'chat' With that being said, I do stand behind what I previously stated. Let me tell you about when I first came to this support group- It was a month before I had surgery and they were so down on it- that I almost backed out- they were still talking about food- The ice Creams, the cookies the cakes and still complaining that they were not loosing weight. Not the best advertisement for me going into this. I am fine and have plenty of ongoing support- I just do get real pissed (lets face it what I am saying is stupid people) that go into this sugery with total blinders on- Have not done 1 bit of research and expect this to be nothing short of a miracle. I also get pissed (am I on a roll or what?) at this Insurance company that approve and pay for these folks. Really there should be an IQ test before you have any of these surgeries. I truly am in awe of so many on this web page of what you go through and what you have accomplished. I just left that meeting feeling so empty and pissed. I guess the one lesson I learned is that you can not help people unless they want to be helped. I guess this group of ladies really do not want to be helped, sadly. Thanks again for listening- The gospel according to Me is now over. Thanks! Chris