Who did you tell and when?

So far, the only people in my life that are aware of what I am doing are my boyfriend and my mom (both of whom have been incredibly supportive and loving). I've very hesitant to talk about it to anyone else outside of OH. Partly because I don't want to explain everything to people who have no knowledge and partly because I don't want the "why don't you just eat better and exercise" bs.

However, post-op I realize people will certainly ask questions as I lose weight. I don't necessarily want to lie but there's a big part of me that doesn't want to have the conversation with people. Whether we like it or not, there is a huge stigma in our society regarding weight and even more so regarding WLS. Do I really want people judging me yet again for my body and my choices? I'm not sure. At the same time, I'm normally an outspoken person and don't normally care what others think. So, I'm torn.

How did the vets handle this as it came up? Were people ultimately accepting and supportive? What did you tell people? Did you feel that it was really no one's business? Or did you use the opportunity to educate people?

Norma

 

do what ever you feel is right for you.

For me, I only told a few family and friends before, then afterwards, only a few more and now 2 years later, I told a couple more friends.  It is no ones business and yes you will get questions.  So the answer is only something you can decide on.

you can still be a champion at this without having to tell everyone what is involved and give specific details.  I told those that had to know and were persistent on how I did it ----  I am eating small amounts, watching the type of food I eat and the end goal was to become a healthier version of me.  It was not a lie. 

 

When I was explaining to my daughter that I didn't want people judging me... to which she said "oh Dad, they're going to judge you anyway!".  From the mouths of babes!  She was right, they're going to judge you anyway, I just began telling anyone who asked, don't care.  And after doing that for many months, I don't care.   I am over a hundred pounds lighter and all the exercise and dieting I have done previously didn't add up to a hill of bean comparatively.  If you don't tell them the same story, what did you tell to whom, etc.  Its just easier to tell the truth and let the haters hate!  

That is exactly how i feel. I tell people who ask. I am in the early stages still and i dont care what other people think. Everybody has an opinion. Some good some bad. Some people are open minded and are very curious about the process. I find some of the biggest critics are over weight people .I tell them that its fine if they choose to live life large , I dont. If you think about it we all have been judged for most of our lives for being over weight.. And some people will judge us for trying to get healthy.You cant please everybody. We can sure as hell try and please our self though....Do what ever is going to make YOU happy...Cheers Krsita..

"let the haters hate' - probably the best advice ever :-)

Thanks!

I only told my sister (and as a result she ended up getting the surgery as well), my daughter and my friend who was my ride. All three have been on board and supportive from the beginning. This is why I chose to tell only them, because I knew they wouldn't judge me and had my best interest at heart. I do not intend to tell anybody else, ever. I am working my ass off and making wise food choices, regardless of the size of my stomach, so there is no reason for anybody to know that I had surgery. I just tell anybody who pries for information that I am following a semi-Paleo diet and restricting my calories to less than 900/day. It's all the truth!

I think the answer to the question of who and what to tell depends mostly on your own comfort levels and your own attitude. 

For example, everyone in my family knows.    Initially I only told a couple of associates at work - more to gauge their reaction and comments. They were supportive.  As I got closer to surgery date, and because my presence would be missed at work, I told more and more people.  Probably about 10 know now.  

However my personal attitude is I will tell anyone who asks.   It is my decision and my business. It is between my doctor/surgeon and myself as to whether this the best decision.   I haven't had anyone give the "so why don't you just exercise and eat less" story.  Even if they are thinking it, I don't care.     And if anyone dared to say it to my face, then my response will be "thanks for your concern, but the decision was made between my phsycian and surgeon and myself as to what is best for me". 

Not everyone needs to know all the details of your life.  Even if they compliment you on weight loss and say "how are you doing it", you can choose to give them the whole story or you can simply say with a lot of hard work and leave it at that.    That will depend on how close they are to or not.

I have seen postings where family members don't support people and that has to be the hardest place to deal with.  But sounds like you have good support.  So pick and choose your family and friends for support as you go through the process and the rest of the world can think what they like!  

I should add I had the added blessing of having my gall bladder removed at the same time. For those who dared to ask why I was going off work and what surgery, I simply said my gall bladder if they weren't close to me or I didn't care for them to know. Others I told the whole story to.    

While waiting for your surgery date, reads lots on the forum and internet about changing relationships and issues about losing weight after WLS.    It will help prepare you in your mind.    But there will always be hurtful and mean people out there. That is a fact of life.  You just have to personally decide if you really care about their opinion or not.

Best of luck!

Dar

 

 

It's totally a personal decision.  I had a VBG in 2001 and only my mother, daughter, and best friend knew and after I met him, my husband.  Now that I'm having a revision, only my husband knows at this point. I will tell my daughter and best friend soon.  I will be telling work that I need time off for "surgery" and that's it.  I find people look at you like you have two heads if you tell them you are having WLS. I always get the feeling that they must be thinking "stop stuffing your face and you wouldn't be fat. I have enough things to deal with without putting up with people's attitudes. I think it's awesome that some people don't care what others think but unfortunately I'm not one of them.  Go with what your gut tells you.  You can keep it to yourself for now and tell others after you've lost a ton of weight and look fabulous :)

Hi. I have told any and everybody. Too excited to contain it!!! Like someone said when explaining to his daughter, people are going to talk. They talk about you when you are on top, down low, certainly while you are alive and you can bet your last dollar, when you die. Its the nature of the beast. You can't stop people from talking about you. The people that truly love you will celebrate your success. I wish you the very best!!!!

I am older having this. Except for a few people who annoyed before the surgery I have been up front with everyone. I have only had one negative response and frankly that is thewir problem. You have to find what your comfort level is. You will know as you go along what and who you want ot tell.