Referral setback

Hey all,

So, I had some confusion with my GP. I had a voicemail last week saying that they had been in touch with my gastroenterologist and I thought they said they were okay to go ahead with a referral with the Bariatric Registry. That was last Tuesday and I was so excited! I even telephoned TWH yesterday to see if they had it yet (I may have been a little overzealous). Then I got an email from my GP's office letting me know i had an appointment now booked with my GE for August 27th. I was confused so I emailed and asked why I was seeing him, didn't my referral go out?

THEY HAD SENT A REFERRAL TO SEE MY GE. The one I have had since 2004 when I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease! I am happily in remission since surgery in 2005, so I thought they were just calling the GE to consult him before my bariatric referral, and then going ahead. Turns out my GP refuses to do the bariatric referral and insists that the GE be the one to do it due to my past. 

It's not that I think they are wrong... my GE knows a lot more about what my insides are like and my history (I've only had my GP since January), but this feels like a huge timing setback. They recommended I get in touch with the GE office to be put on a cancellation list. I feel like camping out in his office! 

Now, I've been posting here for about a month, and I have neglected to say that beyond the most important reasons, being my long term health and lifestyle, future fertility, etc, I have had a shallow desire as well. My partner and I are talking about getting married in early fall next year, and I guess I had a dream that I could have surgery far enough out, not to be at goal perhaps but down a good amount, so that it would feel like the perfect day. I know it is 0.000001X less important than my health, but I have the image, you know? I didn't know that surgery was an option until very recently (VSG for Crohn's patients) and now that I know I likely can have it, the idea of having a wedding while still pre-surgery seems stupid. I may get flamed for this, but I can't help it. Now I am considering that maybe we shouldn't plan a date until I have a surgery date. Practically speaking, I definitely won't want to be in heavy planning mode in recovery! That would be awful.

Anyway, this is more of a vent session than anything. I'm prepared for everyone thinking I am super shallow and getting flames. But I'm hoping there may be a few voices out there who understand!

Well hopefully your GE does the referral quickly - my doctor did it same day and within 5 days I e-mailed the registry and was told which center I was referred to... I called HRRH(where i was referred) and for a date for the orientation within a week - a week after orientation I called for an appointment to see the surgeon - Got one who works out of St.Joe's so I am not sure of the timeline from here....

But anyways - the process seems to go pretty quickly in Toronto which it looks like you're from.  Fall next year may be fine - you may not be your smallest but my guess is if you get into one of the local hospitals then you should be post surgery by then (depending on your medical history etc).

Just remember to call for cancelations and it can go quickly (a lot of people seem to drop out at all stages)

We all have our reasons for the surgery and they include both health reasons and personal reasons -  It would be a lie for anyone to say that hadn't thought about the non-health benefits before undergoing surgery.

Maybe try to hold off on a date until you know more - there are a lot of changes to lifestyle that come with this and it may hinder more than help to be stressed about planning a wedding while trying to recover and use your new tool properly.

Hope this helps,

Katie

Thanks Katie, this does help a lot! You are right, things do go quickly in Toronto it seems, but not with my GE! Hehe. I can remember back in '04, I had to wait about four months to see him my first time, and I was super sick, so I guess I should count my blessings, eh? 

I think you are right about holding out on setting a date, too. My guy may be a little bummed to hear this. But then again... he still hasn't proposed! Yeah, I know. We're hitting our six-year anniversary on the 15th and I guess the mystery of "will he/won't he" is a bit done. He hasn't got the ring yet because we are putting all our money into debt. Bleh! Anyway, OT much? Hehe

I guess I was really frustrated to hear the referral hadn't actually happened, and then watched a really stupid movie tonight where all these skinny "friends" of a "fat" bride-to-be (Rebel Wilson) are incredulous that a "fat girl could marry a hot, successful guy" when they were all still single! It was total BS but it made me really self-conscious. I too have a slim, good looking and good-job-having partner who loves me as is (though he worries about the co-morbidites in the future) but I often feel people are judging us similarly. So I guess that amped up my desire to be smaller before the big W.

Oh that sucks. I understand why your GP doesn't want to send the referral to the bariatric registry but it's too bad they weren't more clear with you from the very start that the GP didn't want to make the referral. At least then you would have been more prepared for the wait, or could have been calling the GE for cancelations all this time! It's so hard to wait when you feel like you finally have something that might work for you. I know lots of people have had to wait years for the surgery, they've had tons of setbacks and timing issues and referrals they thought were sent but weren't etc etc, but that doesn't mitigate the fact that you were excited thinking the process was well on it's way, to find out you're still on step one. Fingers crossed you will be able to get in on a canceled appointment with the GE and get things moving! 

I am definitely with you on the issue of vanity! I am really lucky that I have had very few health complications from my weight, aside from some arthritis pain and asthma (which I had anyway) I have gotten off scott free health wise. But mental health wise... not so much. So for me, the idea of doing this for vanity's sake is just as important as doing it to lessen or prevent any physical health issues. I'm doing the surgery so that I'll lose weight and stop isolating myself from others, maybe I'll finally meet a guy, maybe I'll feel comfortable enough to go out and have fun in life instead of just going from home to work and to my brother and sister in law's. I feel like for me, and I think this can be said for others, those reasons are just as important. So anyway, the whole point of that rant was to say definitely don't feel bad for feeling shallow. You're not the only one!

I agree that maybe it would be better to hold off on any concrete wedding plans until you are a little clearer about what your timeline might be. Once you get the referral in and get through orientation things might move pretty quickly, but you don't want to set a date and book a venue and then find out you have to go for extra appointments, or you have to wait three months for certain appointments etc. I am with you - if and when I am lucky enough to get married, I don't want it to be while I look like I do now. I want to look and feel my best. And I think unless there is some other pressing issue, that feeling is worth waiting for :) I know we should learn to love ourselves at every weight, I totally respect and love that idea. But it's easier said than done! So yeah, maybe start planning aspects of the wedding, but hold off on any concrete dates :)

Thanks Katie, you are so right, it's the feeling that I've had wasted time! I could have just called my GE myself, is the silly thing. I am his patient already, no referral needed. Ah well. He's been very accommodating to me in the past, especially when I've had any complications from my past surgery (scar tissue) so I have hope that if I call the office... or heck, maybe even go there in person, that I can see him sooner.

Thanks, too, for understanding my shallow desires! It is a mental thing for me too, but I also know I am just lucky to not have all the related diseases at this point. I actually feel like my body is about to take a turn for the worst, so this really is about that first and foremost. BUT, the body image issues and the just plain MEANNESS of strangers is affecting my life in a huge way. If you read my response above to the other Katie *****plied, you can get a sense of what I mean. I feel like summer is the worst. Its the nicest weather of the year, but the heat and the crowds actually keep me from wanting to go out and enjoy it! I worry about the physical discomfort, but also the judging glances (or at night, when people are rowdy, saying things to my face if you can believe it) and I know that that is bumming John out. He is so supportive, but when he is 100% "normal" looking (more like 100% hot!) he can't completely understand why I would rather stay inside where I feel safe than go out into the sun. Sigh.

Now, I know we have just recently been chatting, but if you are ever in town for appointments (like today! How was your first one?!?!) and want to grab a coffee and a chat with a friendly face, gimme a PM! I have started talking to a few close friends and family about this journey I'm starting, but it would be amazing to chat with someone *****ally gets it!

Glad to hear you managed to squeeze in to an earlier appointment with the GE! The waiting is the worst, but hopefully being on the cancelation list will help and they can get you in even sooner ;)

That's so funny - I feel like my body is about to take a turn for the worse too. I have a nagging feeling in the back of my mind that diabetes is lurking :\ But at least we are both being proactive in that regard :) I totally agree, the meanness of strangers is one of the worst parts. I watched that movie with Kirsten Dunst too, on advice from a friend who thought it was hilarious... I didn't get the humour and thought it was just mean! And I can totally relate - I want to go out and enjoy things in the summer, there is so much going on in the city that I'd love to do with friends. But the thought of people judging me, of having to endure that... No way. And I believe you when you say a rowdy bunch can be particularly cruel, I have been down that road as well. It's only happened to me twice, but both times I was out and feeling like I really looked great. It's easier to just stay tucked up at home in the air conditioning where it's safe and comfortable. You're a lucky girl to have a supportive partner, even thought not carrying extra weight himself makes it harder for him to understand how you're feeling. But if you don't feel your best, no amount of compliments from a partner will help - so we just have to keep calling for those cancelations and get going! ;) But it definitely always makes me feel better when I hear that someone who isn't a size 6 has a supportive partner, it helps to know that there are guys out there who take women as they are instead of always looking for perfection!

Anyway yes, we should definitely get together for a coffee chat next time I'm in the city! My next appointment isn't until August 19th (unless I luck out and get something sooner!) but if you'd like to get together then I am definitely interested in talking to someone else who gets where I'm coming from, and who I can help support as well :) So I will definitely send you a PM in advance of my next trip, and we can see if getting together works out!

(My appointment on Wed was pretty basic, just with the nurse. She took a family history, asked about any health issues, I got some blood taken and an EKG and that was it! Pretty easy :) Thanks for asking!!) 

I dont think its shallow at all......good health also involves our image of ourselves......so I cant imagine anyone "flaming" you....its perfectly natural

I got married at my heaviest.....my loving husband said he would take me anyway he could get me....lol....and I know how lucky I am to have him......BUT....if I knew I was going to have surgery.....and also thinking of getting married....I would have waited so I would feel and look my best on my big day.....

Good Luck

Thanks so much, Birdie. I guess it's human nature and self-awareness that we're bound to care how we look on a day when we're centre of attention. I'm sure you still looked beautiful on your big day - I always think everyone does, because they are so happy! I guess that should be a lesson to myself... but... nope, I'm going to hold out on date planning until surgery ;)

hmmm.. maybe call your GP, ask him to put the referral in, because there is such a long waiting list, and say that you WILL see the GE, and get his go ahead for the surgery?

Shallow, maybe, but i think its ok to have some shallow desires as well as wanting to be healthy.

Thanks Monica. I did try that, alas no dice. They are being sticklers. I bet you it comes down to covering their backs? I dunno.

Anyhoo, the GREAT news is that I called the GE this morning and was able to get an appointment on July 29, when I explained why I was seeing him! I am also on a cancellation list, but I'm not holding my breath with all the vacation the GE is supposedly taking. Man, why didn't I become a doctor? ;D