Hubby not supportive

Well, after researching revisions surgery for months now, I had a heart-to-heart with my husband today about the DS. He doesn't want me to do it. He wants me to stop spending so much time on the boards and to spend my time "productively" researching other tools that don't involve surgery. He said a flat NO to the $4000 program fee I would have to pay if I ever get approved for a DS. I have a good job and I will get around that one! I am just sad...I explained that if I could do this myself I would have done it in 1979 when I was 12! I am going to keep pursuing the DS and I am going to keep seeing my weight loss doc for the band. I am just barely functioning right now and I don't think hubby understands. Anyone else have to fight the husband (or wife or sig. other) too?

I think when it comes to your health it should be your decision .. you would never think about saying no to your husband if he needed surgery...

I can understand after one weight loss surgery not working him having doubts nd being unsure but unfortunatly the band really does fail alot of people and is not your fault...

I would keep going forward with your plans for a revision and when you get a consult with a ds surgeon take him along with you so he can have any concern he may have answered by the surgeon..

Maybe he is not aware that the success rate of dieting and exercise alone in less then 5% so  im not sure what tool he thinks is going to help  you more than surgery,,,

I am really sorry to hear that. Looking back I really dont think I 'asked' my husband. I guess I didn't think it was necessary.

I just said the doctor said my band slipped and it isnt working they submitted to insurance and i was approved to revise to RNY in 2 weeks...

We really kind of just went on with life from there. I think this is where you have to say... I am doing this for me not you... You're either with me or against me. Write him out a list of pros and cons... You cannot just go on living how you are if you're unhappy with your weight and you health condition...

You have to take a stand for a healthier you to be around for your family.

You're right- I should not have even asked. Good point. I am going to go ahead with this...it's just hard to have the husband doubting me like everyone else. Thanks for your support!

Just remember that Divorce is a serious side effect to weight loss. Not that you will be a statistic just that it concerns me that if he isn't supportive now he probably wont be in the future.

Make sure that when you go into this you go in strong together. It requires a united front or the walls can crumble.

I know about the divorce stats... if I'm dead, though, we won't be together either! I'm just so physically miserable... I'll keep working on him. Thanks for the pep talk!

Hi Lori-I am sorry you do not have a support line.  Perhaps your husband has fears about surgery that he has not disclosed to you?  Are there any support groups that you can go to and bring your husband along to help enlighten him? Has he spoken with your physicians to get a better understanding?  I am fortunate that I had the support of my husband and family when I had the lap band, and now have their support again for the RNY.  I have also found a lot of strength in God and His guidance.  He will always be there to support me.  You also may be experiencing a period of depression based on your last sentence, which might need to be addressed.   You are doing this for yourself and your health, and while you want to have your husband's support it might not happen, so I would definitely be looking for a support group to attend.  Best of luck to you.

I second the "Fear" from the hubby as well, as the other poster stated.  My husband is fearful for me too -- going from RNY to DS (If I ever get insurance approval).  But IT IS MY HEALTH & BODY.  So, I have just not really talked to him about it.  His stance is that he does not 'understand' the surgery, but wants me to be happy.... but this last-go-around- he told me he would not support me.

Hubby actually told me to DIET....... YA, Can you believe that one?

I understand where you are coming from.

I SAY GO. FOR. IT.!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Jamie in Alaska

Jamie- My husband told me to DIET too! He thinks I should "work harder." ????????????? My weight has consumed my entire life since my pediatrician announced I was 5 lbs. overweight at age 10! That's what my husband meant by looking for other "tools.'" He meant another diet. I am the expert dieter- WW, Jenny, Nutri-System, Medi- Fast, Opti-Fast, Hi Protein, Low Fat, No carbs, Sugar Busters, Atkins, South Beach, No S.... I don't need another diet, thank you. Wow- I've been following your journey and your wait is almost over. I hope you hear soon.

Thanks for the support everyone!!! I liked the praying suggestions too- thanks for reminding me that He is also there for me!

Have you read this thread? www.obesityhelp.com/forums/amos/4416773/quotDoes-the-Patient -Fail-the-Procedure-or-Does-the/

Read it to your husband.