In control or binge behavior again?

Hi, all-
   I am having a strange day and a bit uncomfortable with how I am relating to food today.  Please bear with me for a minute while I try to explain how I am feeling.  I could really use a reality check about whether or not I am having trouble.
      I firmly believe that my obesity was due to binge eating and emotional eating, so since my surgery, I have been trying to do all of the head work that I need to do.  I am working hard to determine why I have always used food, and what needs I was trying to meet.  I am 6.5 months out from surgery and so far, I have been LOVING how in control I have felt, how "easy" it has been to make appropriate choices because I have chosen to be 100% strict about my "rules".  I have found comfort in the structure and rules, and have enjoyed the freedom from the compulsion to binge eat. I track every bite and sip, and keep within my personal limits every day.  I have celebrated several holidays and special events, and have been comfortable navigating those situations because I simply followed my rules.  
     I have also noticed that I still have obsessive thoughts about food, but now I have been using that to teach myself all about new foods (especially fruits and veggies I have never cooked with), and about new ingredients.  I have found that I love to cook, and am truly enjoying learning about how food can be healthy, delicious, and effective fuel for my body. 
   BUT....today I have been having a tough time and I am a bit nervous.  I have been having the urge to eat all day long, and am not feeling full with the same amount that I always do.  I honestly feel like I could just keep eating and eating.  Do other people have these days, and then go back to normal and back in control?
   Now, here is the interesting part.......I am eating veggies and my greek yogurt dip, which is high protein and fat free.  So, I am not eating anything that is not within my plan, but I am definitely eating more at once than I usually do per meal/snack.  (I just ate 10 asparagus spears and dip!!)   However, my totals for the day are still within my limits for protein, carbs, fat, and calories.  
   So, I guess my question is am I "bingeing" on asparagus and greek yogurt dip?  Is this the same old behavior or am I just having what I see folks on here referring to as a "bottomless pouch day"?    I am thrilled that I didn't eat a large pizza or a bag of chips, but I want to be aware and eat "mindfully". 
   Please feel free to tell me if I am just over thinking this.....or being a pain in the butt.  Like I said, I having a strange day.....

 If I'd been brave enough the last couple of weeks, I would have liked to have written what you are describing here...I've been in therapy for a long time before surgery and now, and the last two weeks have been torture...I have some sense of what my trigger was, but there is nothing I can do to make it go away right now,,,i thought i'd learned all these great new habits, and feel like the binge and emotional eating demons were just waiting patiently to take over again...i also find it hard to know whether if i am still within plan limits, whther a binge is more about the feelings which are the same pre post op, or the food...i am trying so hard to make the right choices that i know i can make, to do the next right thing and not waste too much time with beating myself up but it is SO hard...

Thank you so much for your response,   Yes, that is what I am struggling with.  I am within my plans, and choosing foods that are good for me and that support my health and weight loss goals.....but I am eating differently and urgently, and it feels a bit like a binge. 

On the other hand,when I binged, I felt a lot of numbness and was aware that I was using the food to push true feelings and emotions away,  I did NOT feel that way today, which is good.

Again, thanks for writing and best wishes for your own journey!

I think your answer is in this response.
You are not hiding from anything.  You are laying it out on the table and examining your behavior. That is such a good thing.  Acknowledge that, ok.

I am at six months and some days I can eat more than others.  I had a few days where I noticed I was eating more so I went back to (really) eating carefully and slowly and not allowing myself to be in situations where I wasn't paying attention (this is MY burden).  And making sure that I had good choices.  I think mine was related to working out.  And if you eat good, it is all good.... you know.  You walked past the chips and cookies and cake and at 10 asparragas with yoghurt.  FOR real. 

I think...personally... that I need to be worried.  But not beat myself up for new behaviors.  We are like 16 year olds again.  We are going to fall as we develop this new life.  And learn to pick ourselves up and start the next day fresh again.

I wish you the best on YOUR journey!

Holly

Thanks, Holly.  Your word are so very helpful and exactly what I needed today!

You are at a point where your capacity for food is greater.  Sometimes it is hard to trust ourselves and our body, especially when it says we are hungry or need more food.  It is perfectly natural as we move along to add in more food or bigger amounts.  I think as long as it is planned out it is OK.  It is those times when I eat spontaneously or unplanned that I am in trouble.  If I notice that I feel the need to eat a bigger portion of something that is appropriate for me I can add that to my plan.
I do know what you mean, though.  I have binged on vegetables in the past.  It doesn't have to be something that is a refined carb.  I think it has more to do with what my emotions are when I am eating the type of food I am eating.

Thanks, Ladytazz.  I am so grateful that people here "get" me and understand exactly what I am worried about.

I am trying to keep a perspective here.....and the info you shared is really helpful.  While the asparagus and dip wasn't planned for the day, I did stop and enter the info into my tracker before I ate to make sure that it fit within my limits.  If I was truly having an out of control binge, I wouldn't have had the presence of mind to check the stats before I ate.

I am trying to recognize the progress I have made, and yes, it is hard to trust myself.  After all, up until my surgery, I had a pretty crappy track record of making choices in my own best interest!

Hi Melissa,

You are not alone, we all have "bottomless pouch days", and you did great to track it and keep within your limits, good job! Did you get much water today? I know sometimes for me when I think I am hungry I am really thirsty, and it helps to drink more water.

Helen

I know that as my activity increases.. I really eat more too.. I try to focus on calories and protein.

I think you are overthinking this.

It's pretty normal at this point to be able to eat more. It's normal. It's expected.
You keep following the rules and eating protein.
You get to eat.
Deb T.