I need a new life
Lora,
I have read so many posts where you have helped other people, always giving wonderful advice in a kind, straightforward way. You are so, so valued here and you have helped so many people on their journeys. I hope that things get better for your quickly; I'm so sorry you are having to go through this!
I have read so many posts where you have helped other people, always giving wonderful advice in a kind, straightforward way. You are so, so valued here and you have helped so many people on their journeys. I hope that things get better for your quickly; I'm so sorry you are having to go through this!
For days like that ...I do have my cat. She is a blessing ... she came to my house one day... looked around and decided to stay.. I spoiled her rotten, she ... makes me smile, laugh, get frustrated at times at her... and overall - make s me feel like I do matter, and if nothing else- she really wants me and needs me.
Crazy? maybe... but when I am sad or hurt (like after my many surgeries) She comes to me.. makes me relax and falls asleep on me. Not beside me-- she HAS to be on top of me. No matter how, no matter what or who is trying to prevent her from doing that. I do call her my little gift from God.
(((HUGS))).. One day shall get better... I do hope...
BTW: when I got into a real deep depression - and increased my meds dosage- the though of suicide got worse, not better... you do not have to be a teenager to get that when you start increasing the dosage. Please watch for that.
Crazy? maybe... but when I am sad or hurt (like after my many surgeries) She comes to me.. makes me relax and falls asleep on me. Not beside me-- she HAS to be on top of me. No matter how, no matter what or who is trying to prevent her from doing that. I do call her my little gift from God.
(((HUGS))).. One day shall get better... I do hope...
BTW: when I got into a real deep depression - and increased my meds dosage- the though of suicide got worse, not better... you do not have to be a teenager to get that when you start increasing the dosage. Please watch for that.
Hala. RNY 5/14/2008; Happy At Goal =HAG
"I can eat or do anything I want to - as long as I am willing to deal with the consequences"
"Failure is not falling down, It is not getting up once you fell... So pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again...."
Yes, my doggies are a great source of comfort... especially Khan. It's hard not to feel at least a little bit better (even if only temporarily) with your arms wrapped around 58 pounds of soft fluff!
Lora
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Lora,
Call me crazy (because I probably am) but a lot of what you are going through sounds as if it might be another one of those wonky offsets of this process. I am starting to go through what I have tentatively termed "the let down." It used to be I was the Energizer bunny. It used to be I kept that endorphin high going by working out to the max. Hell, it used to be I didn't even need to sleep. It used to be that my body was burning fuel so efficiently that I felt invincible.
It used to be.
I still work out, but it's more of a struggle to convince myself to be active every day. And with that came a domino effect. No exercise = no endorphin high. No endorphin high = depression = lack of energy = feelings of hopelessness = who the eff cares anyway = really stupid decisions that I know are sabotaging me.
So believe me when I say I get it. I've struggled with depression this whole way through, it just took on different forms. In the beginning the transition in my relationship with food (not understanding it) had me damn near suicidal. It seemed I had a mental plateau for a hot minute and now I'm back in free fall most of the time.
I agree that it is a red flag that you are not concerned about your behavior. I'll spare you the soap box sermon about it. What I find helpful in this situation is to then go to my default "superego," which is called "what will the neighbors think?"
That's a bit different than it sounds. I try to think about my girls and what I want to show them in my behavior. Do I want them to act as I've been acting. And what about all those people I bragged to about WLS being a highly effective tool to combat obesity. What impression will they get from my behavior. Sometimes when I can't care for myself I can care for others sake. It's a "fake it till you make it" failsafe. I don't know that it works for everyone. Just speaking for me.
Hugs. I wish I could give you one in person cuz this is truly hell and I know what it feels like. All I can say is hang in there and please keep talking to us. We love and treasure you!
Call me crazy (because I probably am) but a lot of what you are going through sounds as if it might be another one of those wonky offsets of this process. I am starting to go through what I have tentatively termed "the let down." It used to be I was the Energizer bunny. It used to be I kept that endorphin high going by working out to the max. Hell, it used to be I didn't even need to sleep. It used to be that my body was burning fuel so efficiently that I felt invincible.
It used to be.
I still work out, but it's more of a struggle to convince myself to be active every day. And with that came a domino effect. No exercise = no endorphin high. No endorphin high = depression = lack of energy = feelings of hopelessness = who the eff cares anyway = really stupid decisions that I know are sabotaging me.
So believe me when I say I get it. I've struggled with depression this whole way through, it just took on different forms. In the beginning the transition in my relationship with food (not understanding it) had me damn near suicidal. It seemed I had a mental plateau for a hot minute and now I'm back in free fall most of the time.
I agree that it is a red flag that you are not concerned about your behavior. I'll spare you the soap box sermon about it. What I find helpful in this situation is to then go to my default "superego," which is called "what will the neighbors think?"
That's a bit different than it sounds. I try to think about my girls and what I want to show them in my behavior. Do I want them to act as I've been acting. And what about all those people I bragged to about WLS being a highly effective tool to combat obesity. What impression will they get from my behavior. Sometimes when I can't care for myself I can care for others sake. It's a "fake it till you make it" failsafe. I don't know that it works for everyone. Just speaking for me.
Hugs. I wish I could give you one in person cuz this is truly hell and I know what it feels like. All I can say is hang in there and please keep talking to us. We love and treasure you!
You raise an interesting point in your post here. While I'm not clinically depressed, I have been feeling depressed lately.
Part of it, I attribute to my tail hurting just as much without the bone as with it. Part of it is how I'm still trying to get my stamina and muscle tone back after my recuperation. Before my TB surgery, I was very energetic,a nd while I didn't formally exercise, I walked with excessive verve everywhere. Now I sort of mope along and I don't have the get-up-and-go because I think mine got-up-and-went.
But it is a vicious cycle. I'm less enthusiastic about a lot of things because it feels less important just now, but then I don't do what I used to do, and feel even less enthusiastic, full circle.
Part of it, I attribute to my tail hurting just as much without the bone as with it. Part of it is how I'm still trying to get my stamina and muscle tone back after my recuperation. Before my TB surgery, I was very energetic,a nd while I didn't formally exercise, I walked with excessive verve everywhere. Now I sort of mope along and I don't have the get-up-and-go because I think mine got-up-and-went.
But it is a vicious cycle. I'm less enthusiastic about a lot of things because it feels less important just now, but then I don't do what I used to do, and feel even less enthusiastic, full circle.
~Lady Lithia~ 200 lbs lost!
March 9, 2011 - Coccygectomy!
I chased my dreams, and my dreams, they caught me!
Precisely!!!
That's why I am increasingly encouraging newer folks: do what you can do in your "window" but also keep an eye on what is sustainable. I think I set the bar way high for myself. I was going to the gym EVERY DAY. First off, that wasn't sustainable from the get-go, secondly, when you fall from that kind of chemical dependency on exercise, you fall HARD.
And I think part of it, as you pointed out, is just a natural progression. We don't have hyper-metabolism on our side anymore and so it's sort of a struggle. I used to think further outs were the biggest drag that way. But now I understand. Oh yes...I understand.
That's why I am increasingly encouraging newer folks: do what you can do in your "window" but also keep an eye on what is sustainable. I think I set the bar way high for myself. I was going to the gym EVERY DAY. First off, that wasn't sustainable from the get-go, secondly, when you fall from that kind of chemical dependency on exercise, you fall HARD.
And I think part of it, as you pointed out, is just a natural progression. We don't have hyper-metabolism on our side anymore and so it's sort of a struggle. I used to think further outs were the biggest drag that way. But now I understand. Oh yes...I understand.
RNY Gastric Bypass 1-8-08 350/327/200 (HW/SW/CW). I spend most of my time playing with my food over at Bariatric Foodie - check me out!
Even though there is a LOT of stuff contributing to the depression, your reply and Penny's have me wondering about how much the "this is REAL life post-RNY... life once the weight loss and compliments and NSVs stop" is contributing to the depression. Will have to ponder it some more. Would appreciate any thoughts you (or the other vets) have on my response to Penny, below....
Although I DO want to be a good RNY ambassador, having been raised by a Marine, I don't think I really care nearly enough what the neighbors might think for that to be motivational. Now, disappointing myself.... or being able to prove someone wrong if they say "you can't...", well, that's another matter entirely, LOL.
Lora
Although I DO want to be a good RNY ambassador, having been raised by a Marine, I don't think I really care nearly enough what the neighbors might think for that to be motivational. Now, disappointing myself.... or being able to prove someone wrong if they say "you can't...", well, that's another matter entirely, LOL.
Lora
14 years out; 190 pounds lost, 165 pound loss maintained
You don't drown by falling in the water. You drown by staying there.
Don't have anything to say to help. That evil voice has an insidious influence, and loves to whisper stuff in our ear.
I know that it's not much, but I do believe that you enhance this place a LOT and that your posting here more lately has been an improvement on the tenor of this forum. I, for one, really enjoy your posts. Since I've bee here a lot LESS lately, when I do come on, I tend to find your posts and read those... sometimes that's all I get to, yours and Kelly's.
Your difficulty is, at least, having a profound positive impact on the lives of many individuals on this forum. I hope that you find a better balance.
~Lady Lithia~ 200 lbs lost!
March 9, 2011 - Coccygectomy!
I chased my dreams, and my dreams, they caught me!
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