Update to my previous post
***UPDATE*** For those of you that didn't read my first post here is the link - www.obesityhelp.com/forums/rny/4432243/Can-anyone-help-me-de cipher/
First let me say THANK YOU to all of you that commented with your suggestions, kind words and support, it really makes me feel good that I have a place to come and vent to people who understand what I've been through.
Now onto my update....(kinda long)
After my cousins comment last night, my mom posted this on her fb status this morning - " Jealousy and a lack of self-confidence can make people say some pretty horrible things they can never take back. They only hurt themselves in the end."
Cousin posts these comments - (to my mom) "if u havent noticed aunt tina i been the fat kid in the family my whole like n been up to 275 at one point i know hard work to get my wieght down. I had/have health issues but i dont go runnin out n getting that done. Being big runs in our family or are you blind to that fact? How bout everyone try to be happy with who they are for once?"
(to the family friend) "mrs X (name removed) there is no jealousy or self confidence issue. Im perfectly happy being the fat ***** that i am. I also dont live in the northern everyone has to be a size to n perfect state anymore. The sooner people realize they dont have to be perfect the better off everyone would be."
Then she proceeds to posts this status on her fb - ""
So back to the comments on my mother's status, I decide that it's time for me to chime in and stick up for myself and put her in her place - "Yeah, and what's wrong with making a decision to do something that's going to better MY life and MY health? It's not your life, so what do you care? Just because being "big" runs in the family, doesn't mean that I have to choose to stay big for the rest of my life. And for your information, I have tried dieting and going to the gym to loose weight, but nothing worked for me, so I made a choice to have the surgery to better myself and get healthier. It hasn't been an easy journey, it's been very hard, it's a daily struggle for me, but I don't expect you to understand that because you haven't been through it. And until you have, you have no right to judge me and say such hurtful things, so why don't you just put a sock in it."
Her response - "no sorry wont put a sock in it. Im entitled to speak my mind and say whatever i want to. Its an OPINION guess they didnt teach u that in school. Everyone has one get over it i spoke my mind. Cry me a river build a bridge and get over it."
And me again - "OK now you're just being nasty and insulting and you need to knock it off. Speaking your opinion is one thing, but doing it in a mean and condescending matter is another and I don't appreciate being called lazy or being told that what I've been through isn't hard work. How can you judge that having never been through it? You can't."
Then she goes on her fb and posts this status - "Speaking your opinion is one thing, but doing it in a mean and condescending matter is another and I don't appreciate being called lazy or being told that what I've been through isn't hard work. How can you judge that having never been through it? You can't."
And that's where we are right now. If she posts again, I probably won't even comment, and I will definitely be removing her as a friend in the next few days. Family or not, I don't have room for people like that in my life, I have plenty of family and friends that love and support me. And like my mother always told me, people who insult or make fun of others aren't happy with themselves, so screw her!
(again I apologize for the long post!)
First let me say THANK YOU to all of you that commented with your suggestions, kind words and support, it really makes me feel good that I have a place to come and vent to people who understand what I've been through.
Now onto my update....(kinda long)
After my cousins comment last night, my mom posted this on her fb status this morning - " Jealousy and a lack of self-confidence can make people say some pretty horrible things they can never take back. They only hurt themselves in the end."
Cousin posts these comments - (to my mom) "if u havent noticed aunt tina i been the fat kid in the family my whole like n been up to 275 at one point i know hard work to get my wieght down. I had/have health issues but i dont go runnin out n getting that done. Being big runs in our family or are you blind to that fact? How bout everyone try to be happy with who they are for once?"
(to the family friend) "mrs X (name removed) there is no jealousy or self confidence issue. Im perfectly happy being the fat ***** that i am. I also dont live in the northern everyone has to be a size to n perfect state anymore. The sooner people realize they dont have to be perfect the better off everyone would be."
Then she proceeds to posts this status on her fb - ""
So back to the comments on my mother's status, I decide that it's time for me to chime in and stick up for myself and put her in her place - "Yeah, and what's wrong with making a decision to do something that's going to better MY life and MY health? It's not your life, so what do you care? Just because being "big" runs in the family, doesn't mean that I have to choose to stay big for the rest of my life. And for your information, I have tried dieting and going to the gym to loose weight, but nothing worked for me, so I made a choice to have the surgery to better myself and get healthier. It hasn't been an easy journey, it's been very hard, it's a daily struggle for me, but I don't expect you to understand that because you haven't been through it. And until you have, you have no right to judge me and say such hurtful things, so why don't you just put a sock in it."
Her response - "no sorry wont put a sock in it. Im entitled to speak my mind and say whatever i want to. Its an OPINION guess they didnt teach u that in school. Everyone has one get over it i spoke my mind. Cry me a river build a bridge and get over it."
And me again - "OK now you're just being nasty and insulting and you need to knock it off. Speaking your opinion is one thing, but doing it in a mean and condescending matter is another and I don't appreciate being called lazy or being told that what I've been through isn't hard work. How can you judge that having never been through it? You can't."
Then she goes on her fb and posts this status - "Speaking your opinion is one thing, but doing it in a mean and condescending matter is another and I don't appreciate being called lazy or being told that what I've been through isn't hard work. How can you judge that having never been through it? You can't."
And that's where we are right now. If she posts again, I probably won't even comment, and I will definitely be removing her as a friend in the next few days. Family or not, I don't have room for people like that in my life, I have plenty of family and friends that love and support me. And like my mother always told me, people who insult or make fun of others aren't happy with themselves, so screw her!
(again I apologize for the long post!)
Ok do not even wait for her to post anything. Quit saying anything to her because you are feeding her ego. People like that thrive off negatvity. She will either have to rethink her outlook or lose the ability to talk to those she is being pissy towards. Sounds to me like she has a "My **** don't stink" complex.
Take her off your list and cut off contact. I know that saounds very harsh and yes it is harsh but I havent talked to a bunch of my family in years because of their holier than thou attitudes. If you didn't agree with them and if you told them how you felt, it was a joke to them.
Just remember- we do not choose our family but we can choose who in our family we want anything to do with.
Take her off your list and cut off contact. I know that saounds very harsh and yes it is harsh but I havent talked to a bunch of my family in years because of their holier than thou attitudes. If you didn't agree with them and if you told them how you felt, it was a joke to them.
Just remember- we do not choose our family but we can choose who in our family we want anything to do with.
As a single person we make but a whisper, as a crowd we make a roar. A friend.
"I never claimed to be an expert at such matters, but I am an expert at giving my opinion."- My dad
I don't have time for family like this.. a family member of mine said some horrible stuff to me on FB (Not about RNY) and I said nothing.. just deleted and blocked her that was 2 yrs ago.. haven't spoken to her since and never will nor do I ever even think of her. What's the point? she will never change and there is no benefit to having her in my life! Hope you do the same.. get rid of the toxic crap, you don't need it or her. Jealousy brings out the worst in people.
I encourage you to de-friend her now, rather than in "a few days". Keeping this running drama serves no useful purpose, most of all not to you. You've said what you had to say and others have stood up for you. Let her go lick her wounds or focus on her self-righteous indignation and you move on with taking care of yourself. Just my opinion, of course.
Joyce
Life is just a stage I'm going through...
HW:253 SW: 230 CW: 170 GW: 140
Thanks everybody, I just deleted her, and thankfully she lives in TN and I am in NJ so I don't see or speak to her that often anyway. I think she finally got the point because right up until I deleted her, she hadn't commented back on anything I said. It just boggles my mind how disrespectful and ignorant some people can be.
Speaking from experience here from issues with my own mother Let me make a few reccommendations. 1. block her from your facebook immediately. 2. do NOT respond at ALL to her hurtful, vile comments. 3. Ignore any calls until you are at a place in your life and health to deal with her. 4. Appoint another family member to pass messages to and from. Message of IMPORTANCE, not argumentative ones.
I have not spoken to my mother in 3 years and althought that sounds bad let me assure you I feel much healthier without her vileness shooting me everytime I turn around. If there are IMPORTANT things for her to know ie graduations, major hospital illnesses, kid things then I send her a message thru my aunt. Maybe one day she will learn but for now I am happy and content.
I did what I needed to do for ME. Just because she thinks one way I think another does NOT mean its right for her to be so provaking and attackive (is that a word? lol
If you ever need a shoulder please do not hesitate to contact me. It wont be an easy decision for you to make. I am here if you need to vent!
I have not spoken to my mother in 3 years and althought that sounds bad let me assure you I feel much healthier without her vileness shooting me everytime I turn around. If there are IMPORTANT things for her to know ie graduations, major hospital illnesses, kid things then I send her a message thru my aunt. Maybe one day she will learn but for now I am happy and content.
I did what I needed to do for ME. Just because she thinks one way I think another does NOT mean its right for her to be so provaking and attackive (is that a word? lol
If you ever need a shoulder please do not hesitate to contact me. It wont be an easy decision for you to make. I am here if you need to vent!
Sarah 
Living for the moment. Living for me. Loving the moment. Loving me!!!
Living for the moment. Living for me. Loving the moment. Loving me!!!
She sounds like my mother and I had no problem cutting her out of my life. Mother or not I refuse to have people like that in my life cutting me down.
She is not the kind of person you need in your life. I applaude you for being able to cut off the negativity.
Sadly some people just feed off drama.
She is not the kind of person you need in your life. I applaude you for being able to cut off the negativity.
Sadly some people just feed off drama.
Proud army wife and mom of 2 ♥ 
I think we alll have those ignorant people in our family... I have a cousin like that, and since she lives close, I have to deal with her once a year - Xmas eve at my parents house. Seeing her this year (after I have my surgery) will be met with a whole lot of comments... I already have a plan in place for her - I will ignore her, and plan to leave if she makes me feel uncomfortable.
Sometimes, those kinds of people have to make everyone around them feel worse in order for themselves to feel better.
Sometimes, those kinds of people have to make everyone around them feel worse in order for themselves to feel better.
Thanks Sarah 
Not to sound mean, but thankfully she is only my cousin and we were not really close to begin with, not like my mom, dad, sister or a cousin that I am close with, so de-friending her was an easy decision. And I totally agree with you that I did what I did for ME and ME only. I understand that everyone has their opinions and may not agree with the choice that i made, but that does not give them the right to be so judgemental and down right rude.
Not to sound mean, but thankfully she is only my cousin and we were not really close to begin with, not like my mom, dad, sister or a cousin that I am close with, so de-friending her was an easy decision. And I totally agree with you that I did what I did for ME and ME only. I understand that everyone has their opinions and may not agree with the choice that i made, but that does not give them the right to be so judgemental and down right rude.
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