Does this sugery help or hinder your sex drive?

My wife and I both had this surgery (RNY) within two weeks of each other (Dec. 20, 2011 and Jan. 3, 2012). I was hoping that my wife would feel better about sex once she lost a good bit of weight (87 pounds lost so far) and she looks great. She always blamed her reluctance before on low self esteem and now I think she looks great and she feels good about herself also. The problem is, there is still very little interest on her part, and as for me (I have lost 155 pounds) I desire it as much or more than ever. I am not discounting the possibility that it is something I am doing, just not sure. Is there anything about this surgery that builds or lessens your desire? Have any women out there experienced this lack of desire more after their surgey? I just feel she is losing interest, in that part of our relationship anyway. Thanks for your honest comments.

For me it made my sex life soo much better:) Good luck to you both!

Mine has increased but I am very self consious about how my partner sees me.  I feel deflated and do not understand how he can be attracted to me this way (of course i felt worse when I was bigger) 
Give your wife lots of reassurance. My husband is constantly touching me now and while his motives may always be to have sex he does not always act on them.  It is nice to be touched with out further expectations.  :)  Good Luck

I can't answer this personally, as my husband has been gone for quite some time. Hopefully, I'll have an answer for you in June.

However, if she credits low self esteem to her lack of sex drive, it might not all be based on her weight. Low self esteem has many, many roots--she might be feeling badly about her looks, her weight, her life choices, her position in life, her abilities as wife/mother. It might stem from issues from her past or childhood. Old relationships and situations in which she was bullied or harassed could play a part.

Self esteem isn't just about losing weight and getting a miracle cure. Positive self esteem is something that is created through a long period of work on one's mind and heart. If she's got poor self esteem, losing weight is just one stepping stone to solving the underlying problems. Considering many morbidly obese people have underlying depressive issues to begin with, it's quite a lot to expect those feelings to all go away on its own just because she's lost the weight.

For many, many WLS patients who've identified as obese for a good chunk of their lives, they don't lose the weight and think, "Omg, look! I'm hot now!" They don't SEE the changes. They see the skin. And the scars. And the stretchmarks. And they still FEEL like a fat person.

I would really recommend encouraging her to see a therapist--either alone or with you. I wouldn't introduce the idea as, "Hey, there's something wrong with you, go get help" though. Instead, perhaps tell her that you love her and feel attracted to her, but you're concerned she doesn't love herself. And you know how important that is, so maybe you two could use a third party to help bring it out of her.

Best of luck--I hope you and your wife both get the resolution you want.

 Dang I knew I should have bought stock in battery companies last year!

 :D  Duracell sends me a birthday card every year, just to say thanks. 

 

 Paul, 

You crack me up!

Charlie, 

I personally use energizer batteries! Haven't you seen the commercials, they just keep going & going! Glad to know I'm not the only one who gets a birthday card, lol.

I've heard of people it increased interest, and those who it decreased interest.  Frankly, I would give your wife some time -- I had considerable fatigue for months after surgery.  Things should improve. 

Just remember for women sex doesn't start when you hit the bed, it starts when you do the dishes without being told or take out the garbage or give an unsolicited compliment...