Oh, no she didn't! Oh yes, my MOTHER did...

Hello!

Since my RNY I have been trying to lead my family to healthier lifestyle options. I am met with a LOT of resistance but I keep trying. My 9 year old says stuff like"You had to have surgery to lose weight" or "You would still be really fat if you didn't have surgery."  While his comments are wrong and mean, I let him make it because he is a kid and just ignorant like that.

So, today, my mother says, "You had surgery to lose weight. You took the easy way out."  Y'all know that sparks were flying off my head. After a heated "debate" about the easy way, she says that maybe easy was the wrong word. She should have said, "COWARDICE".

I love and respect my mother more than anyone in the world but, them be's fighting words! This is was the worst thing she could say and I honestly never thought I would hear that from her. It pissed me off a lot but hurt even more. I feel betrayed. And, she is the one who has been with me every step of the way. I am mad and sad.

kk, this is said gently. I suspect your mother's words are reaching your son, and teaching him to disrespect you. For your own sanity, that needs to stop.

Those of us here know that this is far from an easy or cowardly way out, and the only way the rest of the world will know it is if we are upfront about what we needed to do and why.

Best wishes - and hugs, it has to be SO hard to be met with that attitude from both generations!

Hello!

You are so right, it is hard. I never thought my mom would say stuff like that. She lost most of her sight to Diabetic Retinopathy caused by obesity. She has other co-mobidities related to weight. She even talked about having it done, if she was a candidate. You would think she would really understand. To add more fuel to the fire, I just remembered that she said that those that have surgery don't elect to have surgery but are desperate to lose weight.

I will survive, thanks to people like you and the other good folks here. Thank you for your encouraging words.

kk (Lisa)

The best thing I can offer is dont argue with people that have so little compassion. Any major surgery is certainly not the easy way out. Since you mentioned her own weight issues I would have a tendency so suspect some minor jealousy on her part. It takes great courage to make a life altering decision to do what we have done.  Since she has been there every step of the way, I know she has to have seen the struggles that have been in your way all along.  This is hard work and a not an easy route by any means.

Be proud of your effort and decision. I would certainly set down with your son and be honest with him about all that you have gone through and the positives for doing it for his benefit as well as your own,.

Take care
Nance

I am so sorry you had to hear that- (my parents are divorced 30yrs now) My father's side of my family are extremely critical- They do not know I had surgery (May 1st) because I would have had those comments made- Everyone on that side is over weight except 2.. They saw me for the first time since my surgery and no one noticed I lost 30 pounds- typical!

This surgery was not the easy way out- it is a HUGE lifestyle change.. this upset me- I understand why you are mad and sad! If loosing weight was easy none of us would have done this surgery. For a mother to say this is not fair- I am sorry. Sometimes our mother's do not think before they speak. Give her a few days and maybe she will understand how she hurt you. 

Suze,

So sorry you have to go through stuff like this too. No one should have to, ever.  I will give us both some time before we bring this up again. Might be easier said than done, the old bird lives with me.:) Thanks for your support!

Wow - I can't beleive she said that.  Is she jealous or something?

Hi!

Honestly, sometimes, I really think she is. I am sure, as her child, she is happy to see my health and well-being improve but, she needs to lose weight, too. It might be kind of a double-edged sword for her. I have no idea.

Well - I'd explain the decision to your son when you're Mom is not there - then I'd be really choosy about when I invite my Mom over.  You did this for your health and it was by no means easy.  You will definitely get support here because we KNOW it isn't easy and it take a brave person to go under the knife.

been there, done that with my mother......I have been married to my DH for 17 years and we have 10 children together, my mother was an only child and she only had 2, me and my sister who are as distant as the sun and the moon...I am the oldest by 10 years.....

I invited my mother to the birth of my third child while I was in the hospital in premature labor and she told me that "the next one is going to take you out of here, having all those babies back to back"

Well, listen girl, I had 7 more kids after that, she only knew after they were born, she didn't know I had my gallbladder removed, she didn't know I had 3 c-sections, she didn't know I had gastric bypass, she didn't know I had an abdomnioplasty, she didn't know I had a breast reduction, and now since I live in another state, we are even further apart.

But when my DH sent her a pic of me by cellphone this year......hahaha, NOW SHE KNOW!................

see, I come from an old folks generation of "HATERS", always something bad to say, nothing good......my mother could not even hold on to a husband, and I am not talking about my father......nobody could stand her bull**** and to this day I cringe at the fact that one day, it might be me and my DH and my 10 kids taking care of her or wiping her ass after years of verbal and emotional abuse and food abuse that led to childhood obesity, self esteem issues, and the list goes on

But be encouraged....having wls is definitely not "the easy way out"......your mother has not walked a mile in your shoes, some people are just set in their ways.....My kids follow my lifestyle...not one of my kids have ever been obese, thank God.....I believe they all inherited their father's genes