Advice Needed - Telling your family....

I am 7 years post Lapband, headed for RNY in hopefully September.

I did not tell my children about the band because they were so young.  Now they are 10 and 13 and I am trying to figure out the best way to tell them about the RNY.  My youngest is skinny and my oldest is about 10 pounds overweight and super self-conscious about it.

Any suggestions?

Having raised 3 kids who managed to make it to adulthood in spite of themselves, I have always found that honesty is best when dealing with sensitive issues. Kids understand a lot more when you are honest, keep it simple and be ready to explain what is going to happen and that you are doing this for your health. (At least I presume that's why you are doing it!) If you are relaxed and calm in your explanations, they will be able to accept things as you explain them to them. I have a 13 year old granddaughter and she was very excited for me when I explained my surgery to her. So, set some time aside and be prepared for their questions! You will do fine!

My kids are 6, 4, and 10 months. My oldest particularly is who we talked to about it. We were pretty open and honest and really focused on the health benefits of it. I never talked about doing it to be skinnier. He also is a little overweight and I don't want him to get paranoid about it so I am sensitive yet honest - or at least that's what I shoot for! I kept my explanation short and then just let him lead the conversation with questions. Two weeks later and the questions haven't stopped! LOL - that's a 6 yr old for you!

Amy

You could bring up any issues you may have had with the band. Mention any comorbid conditions--sleep apnea, diabetes, high bp, etc.  Point out that "mommy will feel better" when these issue go away. I'll be able to do more things when I lose more wt.  Just be honest.  DAVE

"I'm going to have an operation on my tummy to help me lose weight and get healthy.  Probably a little while after school starts in the fall.  I'll hae to stay in the hospital for one or two nights and your dad will be here at home with you.   I'll be eating kind of weird things for a little while after the operation while my tummy heals, like a lot of really mushy food.  The doctor says I should start exercising, too.  Who wants to start going for walks with me to help me get started?"

Then answer any questions they have.  Give direct, honest answers but short answers.  Don't give them more info than they ask for.

If they ask if you will be OK, don't promise them you will because there is always that chance that something could go wrong.  Instead, tell them you have an excellent doctor who has done this operation hundreds of times  Tell them you are sure they will take very good care of you at the hospital.

I agree with the above. I have a 23, 15, 13, and an 8 year old. I have not told the 23 year old but he lives out of state and is buried in law school books at the moment. But, when I started considering the WLS, I told my kids that I was looking into it and have been open with them when they ask about it. All of my kids are athletic. I remind them of the importance of finding exercise that they enjoy and eating healthy the majority of the time. They are grateful for my honesty and keep telling me that they can't wait for me to be able to work out with them. This makes me feel good esp since they are all boys. I figured they would not want mom hanging with them at their work out.

My 15 and 13 year old were having weight issues for a little while. My 15 year old started walking/jogging around the block and he dropped those pounds so fast. My 13 year old participated in the Middle School's summer endurance camp and trimmed down significantly in about 6 weeks. It was amazing. Maybe if you exercise with your kids when you are released to do so, your 13 year old will get healthier along with you and you will have the bonus of developing good lifestyle habits and family bonding at the same time.

 

Good ideas.

Fortunately, I do not have any comorbid health issues. I am just plain too big. 
My kids are old enough to understand surgery - and I intend to be honest with them.

I just want to make sure they understand the decision - without having to get too deep into the psychology of it.  It is very personal. I am not even sure how I am going to tell the rest of the people around me.  Especially my patients at work.  I know that they will notice the extreme weight loss ... and I KNOW they will comment, and I am not a big fan of talking about myself in the first place, let alone my weight.