Surgery 13 days....hard time with mom

My surgery is June 17th and I am excited for it my mother however is crying almost every time we talk about it. I love my mom dearly and we are very close and talk about everything but I feel like I can't be excited for my surgery around her or even talk about it with her. She has taken 2 weeks off work to help my 17 year old daughter with me right after my surgery and I appreciate her help but she isn't at all happy for me. Her mother passed away when she was 7 years old on June 23rd and because my surgery is a few days before that she feels that something may happen to me. I understand as a mom being worried about your children as I am about mine but she is really hurting me by not being supportive. It causes an argument between us when we talk about it. She tells me its an elective surgery and that i am basically paying someone to cut me up for no reason. I cant get her to understand. Sorry I guess I am just kind of venting! I just wish I could be happy around her concerning the surgery.

Sorry to hear that you are not getting the support you need.  My advice is to just get through the next 13 days without alienating mom.  It's hard, I know and going to be tough on you.  But she is just worried sick about losing you.  Once you get through the surgery, that stress should be gone for her and she can become the help and support you need.  Come on to this website and post when you need to vent.  We are here to support you the best we can.

I was in the same boat with my mother. We too are very close. She tried to talk me out of it and she was a nervous crying wreck. for 8 months leading up to my surgery.But, she was there the day I had surgery from start to finish and ever since I came through the surgery okay, she has been my biggest support system and cheerleader.

I hope the same will happen for you. She is just scared/afraid. She WILL be happy for you. But, unfortunately you will need to just accept the fact that she is scared (and her reaction that comes along with it****il she sees for herself that you come through the surgery okay. My first memory after surgery was waking up to see my mom's face above mine with tears in her eyes while holding my hand. Tears of relief, no doubt. She has been fine ever since.

I definitely understand that it can be so wearing, though. I got to where I would never bring the subject of my upcoming surgery up to my mom. I would just discuss it if she brought it up. And, of course, she usually brought it up to talk me out of it lol.

 

Although its frustrating, try to remember that she loves you more than anyone and is just scared.  I'm sure once the surgery is over and you're fine, she will become your number one supporter.  Keep reassuring her your confidence in your doctor and its a good thing for you to do. Best of luck to you and try to be patient.

Thanks everyone. I am certainly being patient about it and I understand that she is scared. I wish there a way I could reassure her. I have no doubt she will be a great support after the surgery. She told me that she and my daughter discusses it and they will not leave the hospital until I do even if they have to take time about sleeping in a chair so I know she wants to be there it's just so hard now. Thanks for listening everyone and for the support I always feel like I get here. This is the one place I can really talk about it and people understand and have been through it all.

Maybe try taking her to a bariatric support group or two. Might help.

UGH! I hate this for you. I regret telling my mom--BIG TIME, so I can relate!

When I was initially recovering, even though I had a REALLY GREAT experience, I could not have had a negative person around me. You might want to ask her not to come, you are going to need CHEERLEADERS, not naysayers. And the last thing you need is 2 weeks of negativity rubbing off on your daughter's view of things, either.

You might need to have a tough love conversation and tell her if she can't shut up about HER issues then you don't need her to be there as you go through this.

 

Oh how I can relate. I postponed my surgery for a year because my mom was not comfortable with the idea of me going for irreversible surgery. She insisted we diet together and do Zumba. Yeah ok mom.
In the end I finally had a heart to heart with her and explained how depressed I was and how much I need this not just for my physical health but for my mental health as well.
I basically told her you're either going to support me or not. Regardless, I can't sacrifice my happiness just to keep her happy. I made sure to make it clear that I was sick and tired of being unhappy and unhealthy. I needed this to save myself in so many ways more than anyone could comprehend and that no matter what she decided (to support me or not), this is saving my life.
I emphasized that it is VERY important to have her support and that if I didn't, yes I would crushed, but this is a step I need to make to secure my health.

I wish you luck and if you need someone to talk to or support from, send me a message!

I can relate to you 100%. Both my Father and Best friend are incredibly apprehensive (and mostly un-supportive) about my surgery. They have both lost their Mothers in their youth, so I believe that has a lot to do with it.

Its a lot to ask for their full support when they are wary of hospitals and Doctors and elective procedures. As your Mother, I'm sure she's just worried sick. I know how frustrating it is that you don't have her support (because I'm sure it would mean the world to you), but try to give her time. After all is said and done, she will see a healthier and happier you, and I'm sure she'll be more supportive then!

Don't push her away because it may cause an even bigger problem down the line. Just be firm about the subject, and maybe discuss it with her less so she doesn't feel so overwhelmed. My surgery is on the 19th, so we're about to embark on this journey a couple of days apart! Good luck with yours, things will get better I'm sure!

Thanks everyone. I am going to try to not talk about it much up until the surgery. I know the day of the surgery will be hard for her, My daughter is really happy for me so far so I hope that won't change and I do have a lot of other people that support me I just wish my mom could get on board. I know things will be fine after the surgery. I appreciate the support on here so much. i know she is just scared and that makes me sad for her I know how i would feel if it were my daughter so I try to be understanding. I have a friend that had RNY so I think I am going to have her talk to my mom and maybe that will give her some peace of mind.