I look sick?

So, I know I haven't posted much over the last 2 months, but I have been reading all the wonderful posts from everyone. My one word of encouragement is that surgery is hard, but it will pay off in the end, so Keep With It! :)

Here's my issue though and I am interested in reading your thoughts on how I should handle this for the holidays.

Over Thanksgiving, I visited my sister-in-law's and spent a few days there with my husband. Apparently, SIL was extremely surprised with my weight loss and thought that I looked ill. She even asked my better half if there was something wrong with me. Through that discussion and the fact that I moved to Florida and the husband still lives in AZ, he hasn't seen me in 5 months and decided to agree with her, that I don't look right. Some comments that were told to me: "I should stop losing and start bulking up," "Your bones are poking through your clothes," "You lost too quickly and don't look healthy."

When I heard all of this, I just shrugged it off and basically said "whatever" mentally, but it did take a toll on my self-esteem a bit and not I'm worried about heading home for the holidays. I have to visit the mother & father in-laws, who haven't seen me since last Christmas and friends and other family that haven't seen me in the same time period. 

I'm not sure I can handle the comments once again and could use some advice on what to say to them in response. Anything would be a great help.

As always, I wish everyone the very best in the journey. 

Take care!

-jeff-

I would just say that my doctor is keeping a close eye on my health and I am fine. People are not used to seeing you at this weight, especially if they have not seen you in a while. Also, we tend to lose weight like a candle- from the top down, so sometimes our faces do look gaunt. Weight tends to redistribute by the 2nd year and our faces look better. The comments do stop, I promise (unless of course you start to gain and then the negative comments start back up again).

Hang in there!!

Hi Jeff
I heard that early on too and it always came from people who hadn't seen me in awhile. Your response would be dependent on the who's and where's.

It is easy to reply with snappy come-backs but often times those can be alienating and makes us sound defensive or unhappy. Which is not fair to those who may be saying that because they are concerned about you. Excessive weightloss is a visual shock to those who don't witness your journey daily. My best friend from high school and college walked RIGHT past me at the airport 9 months after surgery. She didn't even recognize me and we had been roommates for almost 6 years.

I am assuming you are following your doctor's plan, still under his care and monitoring your labs? My reply was always "relax, I'm ok. I just look very different than the mental image you have of me. I'm under doctor's care - my labs are healthy. I eat good, sleep good, and poo good. I'm really good!" And laugh with them. The few I had persisted that persisted in telling me I was 'gaunt' and tired looking, I finally had to explain again, I am under professional care and if they believe they know better than my professional team, then they need to be earning more money. They shut up.

Best wishes to you and don't give anyone else the power to decide your happiness or acceptance of yourself.

Pam

I know I didn't look my best during the rapid weight loss.  As long as you aren't underweight then let it go.  I heard comments like that after I had leveled out  (from my mom and sister), it was out of concern and it was something to the affect "glad you gained some weight back you were looking sick".  I actually had not gained anything.  Tell them you and your doctor are ok with what you are weighing and you are healthy.  Remember not only is the weight loss an adjustment for us but others that have seen us large for so many years.

What the previous posters said.  MANY people have a gaunt (or sickly, or old) look to them after massive weight loss, but it does fade away once the weight loss stops and the body recovers from the shock a bit.  

Lora 

I had complete strangers asking if I was sick.  I'll never forget running into someone I hadn't seen in a while and she grabbed me and hugged me tight, almost in tears and said "Oh my god, what is wrong with you?"  There was a period of time that we were going to a lot of funerals of people we knew and I think she was afraid I had cancer.  I even put on my signature here at OH that my goal weight was when people stopped asking if I was sick.  This too shall pass.

Try not to let it get under your skin. You see you every day, so the changes don't seem as dramatic. But to them, it probably seems very pronounced. My stepdad is tactless as all get out and a terrible blurter. He recently told me I was getting 'scrawny'. I just shrugged it off because I know I am not scrawny; he just remembers when I looked like a defensive tackle

I think a lot of times that have to look at themselves and that is when negative comments come out of their mouths. I still haven't told my family but that is a whole other topic. I think they may miss the way you where before carefree with food I am sure just laughing and putting more food on your plate.And now you are aware of what to eat and not to eat.Also I would tell them my doctor doesn't have a problem with my weight loss.I am glad a man posted about this topic. It shows that we are different but the same in some ways.You never know your in-laws may be better than your own family.Best wishes to you and I hope you have a wonderful holiday.

Don't let it bother you. My mother asked me the other day if I was still losing. I said I had not lost any weight in a couple of weeks. She said good, but then admonished herself for bringing it up. 

i lost from the top down as someone ales said. I still have some weight on my legs to lose, but not much. Everything else is skin, bone, or muscle. People are just worried because they are not used to seeing you that weight, and they don't understand that you're no longer losing 2-4 pounds a week. 

If you were female I would say makeup helps, but since I doubt you will try that I would say tanning, I was shocked when I went tanning this past summer when the staff at the tanning salon told me it was probably equal number of males and females tanning in the spring.  I guess guys like to get their tans started before working outside.  So I think a trip to the tanning salon is in order, it will not only make you look better but the light will make you feel better.  I know its not perfectly healthy but you aren't gonna do it forever just until you get a little color.  New clothes that fit properly help also.  And be real with yourself, sometimes the magic number on the scale isn't the right number for us.  I know for me I like to be really thin, but really thin equates to looking older, so it is a delicate balance.