WLS and Divorce; I want to know...

...how many marriages or relationships were honestly dissolved because of WLS in one way or another. This is just for my own personal curiosity. I've read so many wonderful profiles of people that have wonderful, supportive spouses or partners in the BEGINNING, but I wonder how many are being honest AFTERWARDS, on the LOSING side of WLS? Were your spouses/partners being supportive when you got admiring looks from others or were compliments on your weight loss threatening? I know my own husband used to be very jealous of admirers or of my male friends before I gained over 120 lbs. I am pre-op right now and he says he's not scared of my results if I were to have WLS. I believe him for now, but am very nervous about post-op. Are we mature enough and secure enough in our relationship to weather this storm also? We will be married 22 years in April. We have suffered through emotional and physical affairs in the past. I'm praying this will just help make our marriage stronger and more loving. We deserve this chance, considering everything we've been through. Thanks for listening and for your replies in advance. Sandy PS if you don't want to post your replies here on the message board, please email me at [email protected]

mine just did. I relized that I no longer had to settle for the abuse and lack of help from him. My heart is broken because I truly love him but I need some piece in my life. just some quiet for a change.

i wish i could help, WLS made my marriage stronger. My hubby is supportive but i'm not a yr out yet so i don't know what the future holds, but i would hope it only continues to be better.

My Dh is beyond jealous. Be afriad, be very afraid. Its just going to get worse. Now mine is on the boards all the time looking at my post reading my email, going through my cell phone, ect. Its miserable. Mine was extremely jealous in the first place. Mine also isn't crazy about me going to school like I've been wanting to for over 15yrs for EMT/Paramedic when before pre-op he was now he says he was because he knew I couldn't do it fat. Now that I have lost 110lbs I can and he not happy he's afraid I'll have an affair with my partner. WLS didn't do this he's got issues beyond that he's so insecure that he can't see right. Just be aware of whats to come.. Marti

Hey I am three years post op. My spouse was supportive before surgery. I have lost 160 pounds. Now that I have had my boobs done he is obsessed. He is insecure. He even thinks my female friends want to sleep with me. I am planning on getting out while I am still young.

Hey, Marti C's Husband....Back the hell of and be a real man. If she loves you she won't leave you. If you are a freaky snoop, she'll stop trusting you...and probably bolt. Try support for once. (This was written just in case he reads your posts)

Sandy: I am also very interested in this subject, as I am going through some marital difficulties following WLS. My husband was very supportive pre op. We were much closer emotionally, and physically things were better. Since I have lost 130 lbs, things have changed in our relationship. I am almost two years post op. i know I have changed as a person since surgery. I am more energetic, want to be active, and feel as though I'm growing and changing. My husband if anything is indifferent to me. I thought maybe being a happier healthier person would affect our relationship for the better. I also feel so much more attractive, and want acknowledgement from him, which I don't get. I have tried to alk to him, but haven't gotten far. We tried counseling a few years back, for other issues, and it was a disaster!! He is content to sit and watch TV in his spare time. I want to get out, do things, try things, find new experiences and opportunities. I feel our relationship is at an impasse, and am sad to say, I'm restless and bored!! I do love my husband, but don't know if that's enough at this point. I don't want to break up the marriage, but yet feel stifled and unfufilled at the same time. I wonder if I can ever find what I feel I'm missing in this relationship. Do I just live with it, or try to move on?? I would appreciate any imput. Thanks, DeeAnn R

I am five years post, at goal and going through a divorce. Even though it would appear I should have some "wisdom" on the topic, I dont. What I can tell you (from my experience) is WLS does not fix anything. Just as the weight loss is not magic - you have to work at it, relationships take the same (more, actually) work. I gained a feeling of control in my life with the weight loss and I think that control crossed over into other areas of my life. As I took control for my own happiness and expectations that caused problems in my marriage. My ex was supportive through the process. He is happy for my health and well being (Lord knows he didnt want to raise these kids alone) I am sorry, very sorry, my marriage did not survive. But I am happy, extremely happy in life. I do not mind being alone and I continue working every day to be healthy - physically, emotionally, spiritually. Post WLS work at your relationship, like the wise man said - talk, talk, talk, but you can not be happy with anyone until you are happy with youself. Dont be swayed by attention from physical appearances, look for supportive people that support only the external changes. Good luck, and welcome to the journey. PS 5 years post I remain on a high protien die****ch my carbs, "try" to stay surgar free, water and excercise are my friends now. It use to be work - now it is a lifestyle.

Hi ya'll - I have the other side for you to look at. I am the spouse whose husband had the surgery, he is looking mighty fine these days, but how would you all like it if your spouse said they wanted a divorce, it was nothing you did they still love you, but they wanted to see what they have been missing after "being trapped in the obese body for so long". This is both our second marriages, I am devistated, I have stood beside him through every step, even the upcoming tummy tuck. How do you explain that one to your family and kids. My heart hurts more then one could understand.

I was against my wife getting WLS. She did anyway. The only reason I didn't leave was due to the fact that we have kids and I could not bear the thought of them being raised by another man. I love my kids but have lost the love of my life to an unecessary surgery. The relationship was great before the WLS. It is now my slow death. I now wish I had never met her.