After a little over two years after the surgery, I think the most important piece of advice I can give is this: ask the person who had the surgery if you can be part of the process of keeping track of the ESSENTIALS of post-op and longterm care. I say this because it is something, I believe, that involves BOTH of you, in the sense that you love each other enough to go through it together, and at many points, you need both of you to get through it. Simply, the "postie" may feel that it is all "their business" and, in fact, not be doing very important things like taking iron, getting dexascans or whatever test your doctor orders to check bone density, drinking water to guard the overworked kidneys that are so because of the surgery, etc. Finally, this whole issue only comes up because you love your spouse and should not have to lose him/her sooner or even watch him/her suffer with NEEDLESS problems, due to lack of following directions, if you will. I feel this is a time that a spouse should, at the least, be able to speak up and express their not wanting to lose their spouse and know that the "postie" is involved in proper follow-up care and has a doctor or nurse who will give the fundamental information, as many people have no clue as to even what questions to ASK, let alone that this is a big change of life. Well, enough out of me. I appreciate any input and responses. Signed, Crazy in love with my husband and very happy together. Want to stay that way. Katy

I, too, want to be supportive in every way I can, and I hope that I have been. It has really been an emotional rollercoaster for the both of us, but I continue to make myself available to help in any way I can. My husband had the surgery on 1/23/04, and so far has lost about 60 lbs. So I think one of the most supportive things a spouse or mate can do is make sure that he or she is getting in all of the protein and fluids that is needed on a daily basis. Along with that, make sure that your mate is getting in enough calorie intake, which is also important. Other than that, just be there for the bad days as well as the good ones. You will both be better off in the long run when the biggest of the suffering is over.

Hi Carrie: Mine has also expressed concerns, but he realizes that I am not healthy at this weight and want the surgery primarily to improve my overall health. He felt much better after he went with me to a couple of support group meetings and met the Doctor. Now, he is very supportive and has actually booked a cruise for us both for Feb 2005 as both a reward and incentive to help me along. Good luck to you in your journey, and just keep reassuring hubby that everything will be even better than it is now. You'll do fine. Faye

Hi Carrie, My mom has the same reservations esp since I have a little girl that could be left behind. I have gotten a little scared myself. B

My husband has some slight reservations about me having this surgery....He says he loves me just the way that I am and will always love me no matter what I look like.....But it isn't so much about my appearance at this point, I am not doing this for vanity........(well maybe just a little) but for my health and my overall physical condition. I was just wondering if anyone elses spouses, had given them any inclinations toward this??