How can you lose 130 pounds and feel fatter than ever before? Worried I'm done losing. ...

Believe me, the irony wasn't lost on me even as I was typing my vent. LOL!  But, this feels different because I am anonymous online.  I'm always anonymous online, and I don't even have a facebook account or any other social media account.  I'm kind of a cyber-hermit in that way, I guess.  So, anyway, venting anonymous online to anonymous friends (because I don't know anyone here IRL) feels much different than the idea of sitting in front of a therapist and letting it all hang out.  

Thanks for your words of encouragement.  I wish I could feel proud right now, but I don't.  But your kind words were still nice to read. :)

In June, at 9 months post op, I lost a grand total of 0 lbs. Needless to say I was ******g pissed. I did say screw it for a coule of weeks because I went on vacation for 2 weeks at the end of June and I didn't want that crap looming over me. Since June, I've lost 6 entire pounds. Nothing momentous. But, the scale is still going down.

Things I realized from my June experience (sorry, I'm a list person):

*Saying **** it didn't change how I ate. I still ate protein first, and my carbs stayed low most of the time I was on vacation.
*Ask yourself what "fuck it" looks like. What, exactly, are you going to do differently? Are you Jonesing for a glass of wine? What will stopping right now mean?
*I weigh everyday, so I can't tell you to stop. But, I can say that when the scale starts driving me nuts, I "forget" to weigh for a few days.
*Water retention is a ***** The only way to fight it is with more water.
*Your protein is low. Find a way to add more. Get it over 80 grams. Plug your nose and drink a protein shake if needed. I stopped them for awhile and I noticed the scale slow down. Now I do a protein shake every morning.

Put on your favorite outfit, or run to Plato's CLoset (if you have one) and buy a super cute outfit. Take lots of pics. I picture journal and it absolutely the best thing in the world for seeing the progress.

You got this. Don't give up.

This has not be spell checked because I'm too afraid to try it and get knocked out of OH for the millionth ******g time.

All these lame "upgrades" to the system, and they didn't give us a "like" button.  I'd be using it right now -- thank you. 

You've given me a lot of think about... including what "fuck it" looks like.  Which, honestly, isn't probably a dietary change so much as a 'step away from the scale and into big-girl panties' change.  My body's going to do what it's going to do when it wants to do it.  I just need to keep eating right and exercising and let whatever will be, be.  (So says the woman who currently weighs herself five or more times a day.  Yea.... I'm a bit obessive.)

There are a few people losing slower than me, not many, but there are a few.

Perserverance is the word for me. I'm a *****y, opinionated, tenacious, woman and I'll be damned if any mutha******g scale is gonna beat me. Oh, hell no.

That said, I give up at least a couple of days a week. Ask edelu, she has to listen to me ***** and whine more than anyone else on this board.

Then, I hike up my baggy-in-the-butt big girl panties and I grab some protein, sit in my chair, ignore my work for awhile and mouth expletives at the wall while I gag down a shake.

The road to goal isn't pretty for me. But, you can bet your shrinking ass, I will make my goal.

There's flight or fight.

I fight.

Hey Girly, Im right there with you.  And just about everyone else on this site can totally relate. This may help you feel a little better knowing you are not alone but it doesnt change the numbers on the scale or the body you see in the mirror. I recently just got through the hump of despair as my boyfriend called it. All i could think about, talk about was how frustrating it is not to lose weight, how i feel like a failure, etc, etc. i went on and on like that for about 5 weeks. Then one day i realized, i can change my set point, the 5 pounds up or the stall i was dealing with that was messing with my head is just a little block, its not the end of the world. I have control, i can make changes in my life if i want them. I was able to change my set point from 280 to 240 to 220 and now to 200. I can then change my set point to 180 and 160 or less! :) I can win this war, i can be the general and be in charge! So can you!

Someone on here told me, about 6 months ago, when i was freaking out about a stall and my lack of will power and eating improperly. She said 'There is usually something underlying, something that is causing the stall, something i need to work on' Its hard to realize or accept that i have a direct impact on my weight but reminding myself that there is not some greater being controlling my weight or stall or regain i can then make better choices, whether that be changing what i am taking in or just accepting it and allowing it to happen in its time. I feel less like a failure this way.

To figure out or deal with whats going on underneath you dont need a counselor, some people do, i think they are very useful but cant afford to go see my counselor. I write things down alot or rant to my friends or pray. Anything that allows you to meditate on what is going on. Look past the scale, the surface things and deal with the underlying issues.

Good luck! You are not done until YOU say so!

Thanks for your response!

The idea of a set point does freak me out a bit.  I'm worried that I'm at a set point.  I'm at a weight I was at for years and years before I gained a lot of weight with cushing's disease.  I had to struggle to stay at this weight back then too (of course, that might have been because of the cushings, which made weight loss difficult).    I'm worried my body thinks this is the weight I'm supposed to be.  

The funny thing is, I'm a smaller size than the last time I was at this weight.  I don't just mean dress sizes, because we all know those have changed in recent years.  But also measurements.  

So... how did you change your set point? Are you saying it was merely a psychological hurdle and not a physiological one?

For me it was psychological, getting below a certain weight scared me, i worried who i would be. So i was slowly sabotaging myself and eating crap food, not alot but just enough to stall the weight loss. Standing up to myself and saying i am not done, my weight and food do not control me. I felt more powerful and stopped eating bad food. I havent eaten fast food in 3 weeks and chips/candy/soda are the same, before i was eating this stuff on the daily.

I dont care what my body thinks my set point is because im in charge, i just have to stick with the plan and all the excess will come off.

 I don't have anything to add that hasn't already been said, just wanted to send some hugs to you.

Thanks - hugs are always good. 

Geezuz, do I have feeling fat days too... all the time.  I even freak myself out when I eat something with a little bit of carbs; I get afraid to look in the mirror... afraid I am gonna see the 280 pound person I once was.  It's hard to wrap our heads around this.  I still struggle with this on a daily basis but I am getting better.
I was beating myself ragged for not meeting my 2nd and what I hoped would be my last personal goal.  I decided to take a deep breath and say screw this sh**.... I am just living day by day... making better food choices than I ever have.  It's all I can really do right now to stay sane.  I wish I was like those before me who raced to goal and got there in 6 months but that's not me.  I've accepted that I've had to slow down at times & just let it ride on it's own.  I'd be pulling my hair out if it was any other way.
I still have low calorie days and weeks when the scale doesn't move.  Sometimes I also feel like this is where I am supposed to be.  If that is the case, OK fine.. I accept it because I have come a long way but I'm still going to try to reach my goal, however long that may take.
Heck, I may post next June 2013 saying, "Hey everyone, I finally lost those last 10 pounds"!!!  and people might be like, WTH????  Whatever...
Just try to remember how far you've come because my gurl, you have come a long way.  You should be very proud of yourself!!!!