I feel guilty - My sister in law thinks I lost 90 lbs 'naturally'

Well it seems like your sister-in-law and your relationship is not that close.  If so, then you have every right to keep your surgery a secret.  If she is a trusted person and you see that her struggle is really causing her anguish, you should cop to surgery.  But also let her know the decision wasn't made lightly, and that there were struggles and that it is definitely not the easy way out.  Let her also know that she is not to share your private business with anyone else in the family and that you will tell them if and when you want to. 

Also let her know what the criteria are for qualifying for surgery and that she probably doesn't meet them (I don't know what her medical history is).  If you are close with her you may also choose to help her with dieting and exercise.  I don't know if she lives close to you, but you could maybe think of doing a buddy system for exercise.

All the best w/ whatever your decision is.

NYCVSG

Height: 5’ 11” (180 cm) HW: 359; SW: 350.4; CW: 303.

GW: 200 for now (forgot what my Doctor's GW for me is.  I think he had more of a goal BMI of about 30 or a little below. Starting BMI was 50)

This is why I told everyone once I hit 100 pounds lost. I felt it wasn't fair to not be honest. At that point, when someone asked me point-blank how I was losing weight, I was honest. But at a certain point, my weight loss was becoming VERY obvious. I mean, I started at 375. I got to 150 (157 right now, and dealing with the fall out from THAT pity party LOL).

I actually chose to tell the whole world in a blog post. I decided that *I* wanted to tell the whole story without people interrupting or making comments. So I did that at beauchampfamily.com (look for December 2011 if you're curious as to what I said).

At the end of the day, people took my words and were very supportive. I've had a few little comments, but honestly... I don't care. I'm healthy and happy and I'm 38 years old. Life has never been better and I'm okay with other's having their own issues. This is not about them. It's about you.

If you aren't comfortable telling people, that's your decision. If you have a need to let people know, that your decision. For me, I knew the guilt would kill me. I always felt like a complete failure when people would say they lost weight with diet and exercise because I'd been fat my entire life and no matter what I did, I couldn't lose it. It's a risk for sure and It's allowing people into a very personal side of your life, but being overweight is a very public problem so I decided to beat them to it.

At the end of the day, it's about you and your life. Do what makes you feel best.

Me? I would probably send her an email and just be honest and bring her into your confidence. It doesn't have to be a competition. You had surgery. So what? I see people on here all the time that don't lose weight with surgery or lose very little or gain it back. You didn't JUST have surgery, honey. You had to learn strategies to deal with your eating. Yes, you have an extra tool, but that tool is only going to do too much. There ARE things you can do to help her help herself. I'd look at it as a chance to heal old wounds with her.

Having said that... only YOU know the situation and YOU have to do what is best for... well... YOU.

(((HUGS)))

Dont feel guilty!.. I was going through the same thing. Before I had surgery, I was set on only letting a few people know of it. mainly my mother then of course it got out and my auntie found out.. Than she told my grandma, who has the BIGGEST MOUTH EVER!!!  I'm pretty sure she told my uncle who told his wife whom I don't care for like that.  I'am consistent on not sharing my wls with people I just tell them the truth but i leave out the wls part. it's just one of those things where we as past obese people have struggled and struggled with weight and dieting and all but now we "found" something tht has canged our life and everybody dont need to know esp. Who we dont want to know.. O well..

So dont be guilty be graceful!=)