CHECK IN....support groups

Jan 12, 2014

Swoosh!   It's been a long time since I've a had an extremely productive and self-rewarding day.   3 major victories to pen down.   I mentioned my BFF wanted to spend some time together -OUT, and I declined because I didn't need the temptation.  So she called me and said well, at least come over and we can do girlie stuff like polish our nails and facials etc.   Totally fun evening spent.   I noticed she had some wine in the fridge - thank god is was red is all I could think about.  WATER WATER WATER WATER...all night.  WATER for me!  YEAH!  Saturday morning I got up early, went to the grocery store to buy more veggies for my morning drinks next week.   When I got home, I got ready for my first AA meeting.  I was fucking terrified.  I became nauseated, my mouth was watery and then my heart started beating fast for some reason.  I immediately thought to myself, I should just stay home.  I'm not feeling well.   But I didn't give up.  I got my ass in the car and drove there.  Soon as I parked the car - again, I started to gag.  My eyes are now watery, I'm consumed with fear.  I don't know why I thought about the fact that someone who knows me - might be in the room.  I was terribly distraught.  I finally take a deep breath and walk inside the room.  Everyone... and I do mean everyone, said good morning or acknowledge me in some way.  I felt a tad bit better.  To my utter surprise the format was not like I imagined.  I guess I was envisioning a format like you see on TV.  Hi, my name is xxx and I'm an alcoholic - here's my story.  Nope, this was more about reflections, living with a positive mindset and self forgiveness.  I was asked before hand if I wanted to contribute or if I just wanted to observe since this was my first meeting.  I elected to observe.  However when it was time to forgive, I joined in.  I needed that.  Boy, did I need that.  My heart and mind has been heavy for weeks, and yesterday was the first time in a long time, that I felt some reversal or progress if you will.  

About an hour after that meeting, I also went to a local bariatric group meeting which is sponsored by a WLS clinic.  I didn't realize the support group was only for that clinic's patients or those looking to get the surgery.  It didn't say online that this was not open to the public - so I went anyway.  The guy running the group meeting chose to start the meeting by asking everyone which surgery type they had or were getting, and to give a brief recap of the progress etc.   When it came to me, I said my stats - and he looked at me, like - I don't remember you being a patient.  But he didn't say anything and just moved on to the next person.  He got to a segment where he started to discuss weight gain, and of course I wanted to put my two cents in on how I gained weight etc.... but I kept it to myself.  They had a new person who was interested in getting the surgery - so I elected to stay quite.  I certainly didn't want her to become afraid nor did I want to put anymore light on the fact that I wasn't a patient of this clinic.  

After the meeting, the group leader pulled me to the side asked what my situation was.  So I told him.  He was immediately and genuinely empathic and told me I was welcomed to come to any meetings the group held as long as I wanted to.  He then asked me for my number.  He asked if I would be willing to share my story, perhaps bring in photos, clothes etc for an upcoming special group meeting for post opers only.  I said yes.  I would love to participate.  YEeeaaaaHhhhh!!!

My weekend eating hasn't been as good as I liked but for the record:

Friday

-Breakfast: Isopure protein drink  - 160 cal / 40g protein

-Snack: 5 slices of turkey lunch meat

-Lunch:  10oz of Hot & sour soup, 6oz of grilled terriyaki chicken from Panda Express

-Snack: Almonds.  I didn't count how many.  1 SF pudding

-Dinner: 1 grilled chicken taco.  plan.  just meat and corn tortillia.  I ate half of it and then started to pick out the chicken from the rest of it.

-Snack: Almonds.  I didn't count how many.

-56oz water, all vits taken today and I went to the gym this morning.  26 minutes on treadmil @ 12.0 incline & 3.7 speed. 25 minutes of weights, squats, and leg press.

Saturday:

​-Breakfast: 1 grilled chicken taco

-Lunch: I made seafood&sausage gumbo w/ Zatarains - but for the life of me I can't figure out how to count the calories on this. Oh well...it's damn good and well deserved.

-Dinner: another bowl of gumbo

-Snack: Trail mix, pistachios, and a small bag of cashews.

-Water: 54oz. I forgot to take my vits and I didn't go to the gym.  

Today:

Gym: I walked to the gym, burned 300 calories on treadmill, 40cal on bike and walked back home. 

Breakfast: 40 oz of my version of the mean green drink.  this time I added half a large beet and some ginger and raw cranberries.   YUM

Lunch: more gumbo I'm sure. 

Today, I'm still happy I had RNY in 2009.  Trying to get back on track!

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