I feel like the blogging party pooper!

Jul 17, 2011

So I don't have much positive to say right now. The last week has been a total joke, as has been the week before. I don't want these weeks to be so bad, but they just are. I cannot wait to things start feeling better again. I'm wondering if the lack of food and support is causing such negativity and bad things to happen. Like the book, "the Secret", am I pulling in the negative vibes. I sure hope not because I still try to be as positive as I can be, even though all of this.

Joe, my fiance, has taken all my frustrations personal and attacked me back. He'd probably die if he knew I put his name in this blog because he is so upset at me right now. Picking fights for no reason except that he is frustrated with me. I thought he was suppose to be my biggest cheerleader? What a joke. With a cheerleader like that, I might as well be on a losing team. However, I won't. I will be on a winning team because I've proven to myself that through my life I don't need others to support me. I raised my children without help - my mom was deceased and father was not around. My kids fathers parents only thought about themselves and didn't feel they wanted to be grandparents or want to even establish a relationship with my children. Their loss! It just has always frustrated me that if my mom had the ability to be around, she would have loved to be a grandmother. She would have jumped on the opportunity and held on to it. There would be no way that she would not want to spend time with her grandchildren. For that, I am sad. For that, I hurt for my kids!

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but Joe didn't want my father to come up. However, I knew my dad wanted to because he kept asking me if I wanted him to. He just didn't want to say it himself. Joe told me he'd take care of me. Well, I see that's been working perfectly lately. HA! I kept pushing my dad away in order to suffice Joe, but have decided and told Joe that its not about him. This is my surgery, my healing, and this is about ME! My father and I need to work on our relationship and what better way, but for him to fly up to be with me. How could I say no to that? How could i not want to work on this relationship? Besides my children, he is all I have. If Joe walked out tomorrow, my father would still be there. I need him! So on a positive note, YES he is coming to be with me. It means more to me then he will know. I need him. So on a positive note.... Yes, there is one. My father is coming up from Florida.

Yay in one sense. Boo in the other. Yay for my dad. Boo for Joe.

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