catijoefarm
Awakening
Sep 28, 2014
I have a feeling compression wear, shapers, okay…long line girdles! are going to be my new best friend. I went shopping for smaller clothes today (yay!) and got a glimpse of my naked legs in the mirror (boo!). I don’t have full length mirror at home so I’ve been spared this very scary sight. I’ll admit it, I broke down in tears when I saw the flabby skinned, dimpled and varicose veined appendages that are my legs. I cried quietly wondering how I had let myself get to the point where I looked like I did. Yes, I’ve been successful with the surgery and have lost 53 lbs. Yes, I know that at 53 the chances of my skin being elastic and bouncing back are slim to none but it still did not prepare me for how gruesome my legs looked.
I dried my eyes, went out and purchased the tops I had picked out. I DID NOT buy the bag of Godiva chocolate that was near the register. I DID NOT go to CVS and buy chocolate. I DID NOT go to Wendy’s and buy french fries. And that is what is so wonderful about this journey, about my new tool, about my conviction to make this work. I let the feelings I had come to the surface and dealt with them. So, for the time being, for however long it takes, I will not look at my legs until I can do so without feeling bad. It may not be the best thing, it may not be what you think I should do but it is what I need to do to get over this hump, hill, mountain. And I will not use food to cope.
