chaly
A Wife Sometimes Has To Vent
Jan 05, 2014
As I contemplate writing this blog many things come to mind. Am I upset? Am I hurt? Am I frustrated? Am I jealous? Which of these is it? I guess if I had to choose one I would say frustrated, but in many ways it's not even that. I can honestly say it is really not any of these. What is it that I am "frustrated" at, you may ask. Well, let me tell you. A little over two months ago my husband and I undertook this journey together. I walked into it trying to put my mind in the right place. This isn't a race, it is the journey. I was going to do it right, or try as hard as I could. I had to pay for my surgery, and paying the amount I did I surely wasn't going to allow it to go to waste.
As the days have turned into weeks and the weeks into months, I have tried very hard to stick to the program. I have had times where I "allowed" myself to deviate from the plan. I have ate a teaspoon of mashed potatoes here, or a corner of a tortilla chip there. Nothing that will ruin me, and never any considerable amount has ever been consumed. Just enough to say I have had it, and I am good. For the most part I truly stick to the program. Even these "allowed" deviance's that I chose to make I have always wound up criticizing myself for them, and have not eaten the amount that I was allowing myself to eat.
Well, here we come to my situation. I have been watching my hubby deviate from his plan over the past few weeks. At first I let it go, thinking he's a big guy, he's still eating less, he will still lose the weight. Then his larger portions moved on to eating things that are not on our plan, crackers, potatoes, chips. Well, once again I had to put myself into check. How is that any different from what I am allowing myself to do? It is not any different in the aspect that I chose to eat a corner of a chip, but it is different when we come to quantity. Tonight I watched in horror as I saw my husband come and sit down with his plate. Although, it was a small plate, it was piled high. Tonight he made breakfast dinner for him and the kids. Sausage, bacon, eggs, and hash browns. Ok, not so bad if he chose to eat the first three, but as I looked on his plate I saw a considerable amount of hash browns. I know that they weren't measured, as my husband has never measured anything for as long as I could possibly remember. From my estimation I am thinking at least a half of cup was hash browns, although, I believe that to be generous. It scares me that he is doing this already this soon after surgery. I have watched it get progressively worse as far as portions are concerned. I have subtly made comments of him having an iron pouch, as he can eat virtually anything. Me I puke with one bite too much, or one food choice gone wrong. I fear saying anymore to him about it as I don't want him to think I am judging him. Tonight though I was able to say one more thing. He told me he weighed in and is up to a 41 pound loss since surgery. Me, I am at a 31 pound loss since surgery. We were neck and neck at our 4 week appointment. Now we are at a 10 pound difference. I was able to let him know it is frustrating to hear as he eats considerably more than I do. He just laughed.
So there it is. I guess I am frustrated. Maybe perhaps a little jealous. I am so happy for him, but just wish that I could drop the way he does. I guess I will do it my way. Not that I have any other choice. Slow and study. I know my weight will come off as time goes on as long as I work the program. Lord please help me to keep my eyes on my own progress and not his.
