Ashamed to leave the house

Mar 03, 2014

Thankfully I was finally approved to have VSG surgery on 3-13-14 so I'm counting down the days.  I haven't worked in about 3 years now because my daughter was going through some difficulties due to my ex-husband; I was going through a difficult time too because of things he put us through.  I was heavy when I was working too 230, 248 but since I've been focusing on being a stay at home Mom I've really put the weight on.  282 there I typed it 282.  Having a sluggish thyroid hasn't helped.  I also had PCOS and over the past 3 years have had two large cysts removed from my ovaries- 1 was the size of a grapefruit, after it was taken out I lost 20 pounds fast only to put it + more back on cause of having another cyst so large it had grown behind my uterus for which I had to have a complete hysterectomy.  Ladies I'm fairly young 39, and no matter what your Doc or friends say you do gain weight after having a hysterectomy.  I tried hormone therapy for a while but only got fatter.  My endocrinologist told me that someone of my size should have enough estrogen built up in my body to not have to take any HRT meds.  Also, over the past two years I've had kidney stones so large that I had to have them busted up, so I had to recover from that too.  I suffer with insomnia and as my thyroid is messed up some days I am LAZY, I do take thyroid meds but some days they don't seem to help.  My activity levels consist of doing laundry, cleaning house 2x week and taking my dogs in and out and loafing in front of the tv.  When I do venture out in public & run into someone I haven't seen in a while they are always shocked they always say "Stephanie is that you" yes it's me!  My Mom & Mom in law even make hurtful comments about my weight, though my Mom-in law was doing that to me even when I was at 170 so go figure.  Anyway I am dreaming of being healthy and fit and just can't imagine how it's going to be.  Finally getting approved for surgery after trying for two years has been a struggle too.  The only supportive people in my life are my daughter & my parents.  Everyone else including my husband-who has gotten used to me being home all the time are none to thrilled.  Lord I wish my surgery was tomorrow and that I could see into the future to see what my life is going to be like this time next year.

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