Helping myself

Jul 08, 2011

I responded to a discussion post and thought I'd paste it here as a reminder to myself... WLS is a journey and the surgery a tool in that journey.  I need to treat the whole person, not just the body.  I need to get to why I turn to food and give that up to God so that He can take it away from me and replace it with His peace.

Hi, Jennifer,

I see you've had 8 people read your post but, as yet, no one has responded.  So, I am going to take a stab at some kind of response though it may not directly answer your questions.

I had a similar epiphany, very emotional, just a couple days ago.  I will be having my first appointment with the surgeon on Tuesday and, because of the realization I had, was very tempted to stop this WLS process before it started.  So, on that note, THANK YOU for sharing yours.  I now know I'm not alone in that feeling and thought.  There was one difference in my epiphany, though, it was in how I will view myself and how I will treat myself once all the weight is gone.  Will I still treat myself and view myself as the same person pre-WLS?  Will the whole process help me to have a healthier view of myself?  I  do know that others will view me differently.  I have not always been morbidly obese... I started gaining in my late twenties.  I have seen how I am treated differently with the weight versus without it.  I have even seen a difference in how people treat me at my current weight based on whether or not I am wearing makeup.  It is human nature to treat someone who looks good or shows they take an interest in how they look better than someone who doesn't.  That's in reference to people who don't know me, strangers.  I also know that people I know, friends and family, will also view and treat me differently.  Some will be very supportive, some will be threatened, and some will be scared by it.  I may lose some friends... hopefully not as I am being very open about it in the hope that others will be comfortable in talking to me about it.  Bottom line is that I know I will change... in how I look, obviously, in how I feel physically, and, with God's help, how I think of and treat myself.  I'm turning to food to fill a void and to sooth my negative emotions.  It doesn't work, though.... it doesn't fill the void, just my stomach, and it doesn't deliver me from the negative emotions.  I'm looking at the WLS journey as just that... a journey to a healthier physical, emotional, and spiritual me.

Now, this brings us to your relationship with your husband.  I am not currently married but, I have a devoted support person, a friend, who will be with me on this journey.  My surgeon requires that my friend sign a document which indicates that he has read all the introductory material or attended a seminar going over the same material.  It also indicates that this support person, my friend, understands that I will lose weight and that I will change in physical appearance as well as change drastically in my eating habits.  Has your husband been prepared for the journey along with you?  Has he been educated on what to expect?  Not just in what you will be going through but in what he may go through?  If not, then maybe that's a direction to take this issue.  I know men don't always like to talk but, communication and understanding go a very long way in keeping a solid relationship.  I suggest you talk to him about what you are feeling.  Try to do it in an open and compassionate way.  My guess is that he's frightened and confused about it all and how to handle changes in your perspective.  Both your and his perspective on food will change in this process.  Be honest but gentle.  Let him know that you think you may have hurt his feelings and apologize; ask him how you can make amends and be frank and honest about what you need in the way of his support.   You may be more comfortable in asking your doctor to help your husband understand what he can expect.  Or, your psychologist if you are seeing one.  In any case, life will change for him, too, as you go through this journey.  It is inherent. 

All of my response is my perspective only.  I am not an educated counselor.  Please get other perspectives and perhaps advice from a professional.  I just know that communication in a safe environment works wonders.  Hang in there...

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