Fighting my demons

Jul 27, 2011

I am a Christian and strongly believe that God can help me but, only if I can give to him my motives for detrimental actions through prayer.  I have to be able to identify what it is that is driving me to eat and, at this point, I don't have a clue on most of the motives/triggers.

I come from a family with an alcoholic father, an enabling mother, and became the scapegoat in that disfunctional family (I have an older sister, too).  As a result, I have issues that were seeded in that disfunction as well as the judgements I made that are causing me to repeat and reap the insanity of bad habits and addictions--food, caffeine, smoking, drugs, sex, and spending money (to some degree) in the past. Judgements that have me turning to refuge in things that won't deliver me from the fear, hurt, pain, anger, and loneliness.  I have, for the most part, conquered all my addictions except for food.  All by the grace and mercy of God.  He has put people in my path who have helped me and has changed me through my prayers.  However, my ability to put the habits down has left me with the "dry drunk" syndrome.  (if you are not familiar with the term, it means that I have put down the addiction but not addressed the motives for turning to that addiction.)

WLS is a major milestone in my path toward physical, emotional, and spiritual health.  Through the physical steps I take and the whole WLS process, it is my hope that I will not only greatly improve my physical health, I will also be able to sufficiently identify my motives for turning to food.  And thus, be able to release them to my higher power and become more at peace.  Happiness is an inside job so I have to face and confront my demons in order to remove them.  I don't view this as an easy walk, quite the contrary.  I am very scared.  But, I am not alone.  First and foremost, God is with me and I have wonderful support in my family and friends.  I will get to the other side of this challenge and, with God's grace and mercy, a healthy and happier person.

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