Feeling Good!

Jul 27, 2014

Am now 5 weeks post-op and am feeling great, loving exercising , and hating to eat . Still having problems with stomach bubbles, nausea, and vomiting. Before anyone makes the statement--I am calling my surgeon on Monday and have a follow-up appointment for next week. As long as there are no complications that need addressed, I am happy that my stomach (Bruiser) is so finicky. It keeps me from over-eating and I am attentive to what I eat and how it will affect me.  Have lost 56 lbs in 4 1/2 weeks and that is what has me feeling good, both mentally and physically. I can see and feel my clothing getting loose on me. I feel like exercising and enjoy it when I am doing it. I don't feel like I just want to drop after a minute or two, and afterwards I feel so positive and rejuvenated. It is so funny when I put my shoes on as I have 2 dogs. Before they would lay around and not move until I call them; now when I put my shoes on they both perk up their heads, jump into standing position and are primed for one of our walks. It seems that they have been trained that my shoes mean one of our frequent walks. It is so cute to me that it makes me want to walk.   As I said before, my stomach is very temperamental. I choose to look at it as a positive thing as I am one of those hard learners when it comes to eating. The miserable feeling when I eat the wrong thing or too much is good at teaching me portion control. I have tried measuring everything out that I am going to eat to the appropriate amount, but I am now finding out that it is only a part of portion control. Usually doing this results in 2-3 meals. Have learned that it is important to keep food to the correct serving size, but you also need to look at the whole plate and how much total is there. While my plate (which I have started using a small dessert plate) may only have 200 calories of food in the correct serving size, the complete plat of food is more than my stomach can consume. Therefore, most of the time I have to put half of the food in a container to warm up for another meal . The vomiting is a firm reinforcer to not eat the wrong foods and to listen to my body, eat slowly so I can recognize the signals from my stomach before I get to the vomiting stage. 

Did make a change this week in my goal weight. Have had several people voice concerns about me having a goal of 140 which is what charts show as a normal weight for my height. While I stuck to the choice as that is what a "chart" recommends, my signif/other made some arguments that made me reconsider that goal. At first when he found out the goal weight was to say "No, that is too much." At first he was throwing "Are you just wanting to be thinner than me?", "Where did you come up with 140 as a goal?", What is your motivation for that weight?" I started really thinking about that figure and realized that that weight was chose from an abstract chart and that others that were close to my starting weight had achieved it so had "Why can't I?" attitude. He than stood up and asked, "Do I look fat and overweight?" I stated, "No" and his reply was "So you could be happy about this weight" and guessed that he weighed 185 lbs. I replied "yes" and he stated to get the scale out. His actual weight was 162. We talked for another hour discussing reality vs. fantasy. I have been obese my entire life and getting down to a "chart" weight may not be a reality for my body. He also stated not to set myself up for failure; that I needed to set a goal weight that is achievable and reasonable then if I am able to set a lower goal do it in increments so I am not possibly setting myself up for one big fail instead of many little successes. As he made sense, and looking at my health, I decided to change my goal weight to 175 lbs. I would be under 200 which is important to me, that weight would not over-stress my body, and I believe that I could comfortable. (He also stated he like a little "meat" on the bones of his woman.) Had to smile at that. He loves me no matter what, but as long as I am losing weight, I guess he is putting in suggestions to sculpt his ideal woman. He was understanding when I told him how I wanted to shop at regular-sized clothing store and not have to pay extra for larger sizes, to wear any swimsuit I liked without having to look for suits that cover fat so I don't have disgusting fat hanging out, or be able to sit in a chair without hoping it doesn't collapse. He stated he understood and his concerns about me setting myself for failure would be alleviated if I did my goals in achievable increments. So we discussed weights and what we would both agree is a good starting goal which was  175. When I reach that, we will look at whether I feel good and am comfortable at that weight or if I want to lose more and set a goal at another 10-25 lbs. lower.  

While my depression gets to me sometimes, spent the day in bed a couple days ago and it affects my appetite, I am trying to keep working on improving it so that I don't episodes. However it is hard as I live in a small town of probably less than 300 people, no vehicle, no transportation system, no businesses other that post office, and very very few community activities. Needless to say--I spend a lot of time on the phone. Signif/other does provide transportation and we occasionally go on outings, but he works 40 hours a week and his car has so many quirks that I would not feel comfortable driving it and he prefers to drive me because of all the problems. He is very protective of me since I almost died a year ago due to a medical emergency. Am going to talk to Dr. at my appointment next week as may have to adjust. In addition have had a headache for almost a week; would like to get rid of that. Ok, enough with the negative.

Even though having a few problems, as everyone does, I am feeling good about myself and what I am achieving. I feel that I am a success and that my life is improving. I have a superb support system that not only cheers me on, but also makes me look at things realistically so that the achievements continue so I have a positive outlook. Thanks everyone for being there for me and wanting "everything to come up roses". You are my roses and you make a beautiful bouquet. Love you much.  

5 Comments