Tammy G.
What to do when YOU are the one who takes care of stuff?
Jun 07, 2011
After struggling for years with my weight, I finally decided to take the plunge and have gastric bypass surgery, more specifically, Roux-en-Y. It wasn't a light decision, but my other health problems on top of my excess weight has made life pretty miserable. I've been in the process for 14 months now, with lots of pre-operative testing and qualifiers. I have changed my lifestyle already, eat healthier than I ever have and although I have lost about 35 pounds, every pound has been a huge fight and I do think I need this tool for success. I am scheduled for surgery next week. I am considered a high risk patient for several reasons, and although I am expecting a good outcome, with any major surgery and anethestic comes risks. That's just a part of life and I understand that. I have signed off on a very detailed, very scary "this could happen" information sheet from my doctor, listing all the complications that are possible. Knowing this, I want to also be prepared in case things don't go quite the way they were planned.I do all the bookkeeping, bill paying, keeping up with finances, insurance, etc. for us. I've always done it and I don't mind and my DH hasn't got a clue about any of it. He just makes the money and I allocate it. I wanted to sit down with him or my daughters and go over all the accounts. They say they is no use for it, everything will be fine. I want to talk about an advance directive and medical power of attorney. Certainly not, they say. It is almost like they feel that if we even consider the possibility of a negative outcome, it will manifest.
So what should I do? I thought about typing up a document listing all accounts with any info needed such as user names and passwords, including my own personal stuff like Paperbackswap & Facebook and just leave it for them just in case. I probably should have that done anyway.
Another thing I have thought about doing is to write a letter to each of my grandchildren, telling them how much I love them and my hopes and dreams for their future. Would that be morbid? None of us is guaranteed another day on this earth and I want those little ones to know just how much they mean to me. I just don't want to upset or stress out my family any more than they already are- People have this surgery every day--just not THEIR mom, DW, Nana, daughter.
Also I am traveling to have the surgery since I am high risk and I wanted the best surgeon & hospital I could get--so a 7 hour trip and my doc wants me to stay after for 2 weeks, which we've prepared for by doing a short term rental on a 1 bedroom furnished apartment. My parents, who are 74 & 69, want to be there when I have surgery. I have told them that that is too much of a trip for them, but they are insisting. I have insisted that I am okay with them not being there and that my DH or daughter would keep them updated, but that isn't enough. I hate to put extra stress on them, especially my dad, who has his own medical stuff going on. I finally just decided that they are adults and can make their own decisions about going. I just feel guilty that they will do all that traveling just to sit and wait in the hospital.
Suggestions? I welcome them. I guess this was a little more than I had expected to write. Oh well. 
