Ms Shell
Confessions of a former fat girl...
Mar 13, 2010
Well good morning everyone!! It's been a minute since I sat down and got all "deep" with it, lol!! While "they" say the further out you get the more "normal" life becomes, I have seen my share of now "normal" people leave and low and behold some (not all) come back 6 months later with their own "confessions" of thinking they were "normal" and now having gained some weight back. So of course NOW they return to the scene of the crime, looking for advice because they forgot. Well that's not really where I was going with this post but I guess that's how it started.
When I went into this surgery I went in because my mother died. Not because I was sad about being fat, not because I had ANY co-morbilities but because the obesity related illnesses of my mother and subsequent death was what I needed to realize that while I let NOTHING stop me I wasn't living a healthy life nor the life God intended me. Actually let me correct that I believe God was with me all my fat years and with His help I touched many a girl and "helped" them to live their fat life. So NOW God's direction for me is different. I NOW understand how important it is to cherish and nurture my body. Ok that's not where I intended to go with this post either...
Here we go...confessions of THIS former fat girl. I was fat ALL my life, you know chubby "cute" child, fat teen, obese adult, morbidly obese adult (you see the pattern right. So going into this surgery I KNEW that because I accepted and LIVED a certain way for 37 years that just because I had surgery I wouldn't be "fixed" for awhile. It is my belief that MY bad habits would just chill out as long as they wanted and when the opportunity arose they would SPRING to the surface and be like "yeah we got her now." So THAT'S the reason for my post...emotions and bad habits.
Since having surgery I have "learned" that I TURN to food when angry. You would have thought I would have known that...but nope I hadn't so after surgery a couple folks pissed me off and I wanted to eat...couldn't but the urge was there. NOW I feel the anger and deal with it. It's HARD as anything I could imagine but it's better then grabbing some food and STUFFING down the emotions.
Since surgery well actually before surgery I KNEW that I eat when I'm bored. Nothing like being a couch potato with my Law & Orders or CSIs on and now Criminal Minds and grabbing something to eat....num num num...I am STILL working on this one.
Well yall THIS week I LEARNED and in a forreal way that when I am exhausted, tired, sleep deprived even that I really don't care and RAN to old favorites...ice cream, chips, donuts, etc...and YES got sick as a dog...even when I was trying to do good and made me some egg/tuna salad I DECIDED it was a good idea to eat the whole bowl which had 3 eggs and a small can of tuna...well it went down for all of 10 seconds and straight I went to the toilet. I SAW the eating and binge coming but almost felt powerless to stop it. I was NOT prepared in my house like I "normally" am, which didn't help me. So NOW I know this little bit about me and in the long run even though I gained 4lbs this week it's a lesson I will LEARN and GROW from. I woke up when the scale hit 199 cause I PROMISED myself that I wouldn't go back to 200 no matter what...
I will always or at the very least a VERY long time be apart of this forum. I can't forget that I was a "former" fat girl. So yall will just have to put up with my meanderings just a little longer.
My advice if you ask...LEARN from everything you will go through in this journey. Learn that YES you may fall down but get back up as quickly as possible. Give yourself something to shock you back on track. For me it's my mom for most times and this week it was NOT wanting to see 200. I staved it off by 1lb...so I'm back in the game!!
Ms Shell
