onlysunnydaysahead
My Food Grieving - Bad Breakfast??? WTH???
Nov 02, 2014
WOW. About 2 weeks ago a guest speaker came into my class. She said she went through food grieving and cried for like 3 days. I thought, this chick is crazy, what the hell is she talking about. That following week when I ate something I actually thought about it and the fact that I wouldn't be able to eat this after surgery. When explaining this in my class last week, my teacher said she thought I was going though the food grieving process. I still didn't get it. Well as of yesterday it really really hit me. I get it.
Nice morning after trick or treating with my family, I decided that I would like to go out to Denny's for breakfast. I got sad when we got in the car. My husband asked me what was wrong and it dawned on me that I was sad because i felt guilty about going out to eat. I knew I shouldn't be eating out. I knew I was going to order food and food portions are crazy and I always eat it. I felt like I was setting myself up and I felt bad. OK, pushed out the bad thoughts and ordered.
When my food got there it was wrong. My husband asked me "well what are you going to do?" That was like a brick to the face. I couldn't believe I was ready to eat this just because it was there. My feelings about my options were scary. A. I could just eat it. B. I could ask for them to replace it. A. would mean that I was settling to just eat whatever and I felt like that was wrong because I wouldn't be doing that if it were post surgery. B. felt wrong because it would mean that I was making a big deal over food. I was sad again. I decided to reorder and make them fix it because of point A. because I won't just eat anything after surgery.
I was sitting and watching my family eat. I had two thoughts. One was that Denny's had just ruined my breakfast out with my family. the other was, what the hell was I thinking? Because the food was wrong, my time out with them was bad. What a dumb ass! It became clear to just sit and talk and be OK with the time there and not to care about the food.
When my food came out again, it was wrong again. Wholy wow. Seriously... as if I didn't have enough food issues right now!!!!
I made them fix it and put it in a to go box. I ate a couple of things off my daughters plate and I was happy just being there. It was a nice breakfast out after all. And my to go plate was picked at through the day. I honestly don't know why I would have sat and ate that much in a setting anyway. I am getting through this food thing.
Next step is to go back to the beginning and start focusing on what I can have and exercising so I can lose my pre-weight. That hit a halt for a minute while I was going through this. Mainly because I had the mindset that I should get it all in now. That was good and bad. Good because I think if I didn't do that I wouldn't have had this process. And bad because I could have lost a couple of pounds already. Oh Well. Its a new week tmrw!
