Fill #4

Apr 01, 2010

Went up to Great Falls yesterday for fill #4, I had .2 cc's put in.  It's been almost a year since my last fill.  I had to drive my mom to Helena so I figured it was good timing.  This with some added exercise should help me lose the rest of my weight.  We joined a gym but haven't gotten into a regular pattern of going yet.  We'll see.  I do enjoy "playing" at tennis with Kristyna.  I have switched back to protien in my coffee and have seen the scale moving, so with the little boost in fill I should do well.  I had noticed my habit of snacking at night starting to come back.  It's not easy to always keep up the willpower.  I realized I missed the feeling of eating dinner and feeling satisfied the rest of the night.  That was my biggest clue that I need a little fill.  My restriction is good but not perfect so I knew I would only need a little.  The doc thinks I should be good for a very long time at this fill level.  He has added a total of 3.9 cc's since surgery a year and a half ago.

The doc's office did take updated pics while I was there and I got to see them.  The change is remarkable.  I still can't believe I was ever that big.  How, oh how did I never see it?  I'm so proud that I've lost over 100 pounds but now I hate answering the question about how much I've lost because it's embarassing to admit that I did have over 100 pounds to lose.  And I was told I have a cute little bubble butt the other day, it just made me laugh :-)

I'm now in a solid size 10 pants.  I'm not buying any more until I fit a size 8.  That's kind of been my goal since the beginning....no more double digit pant sizes.  My shirt size is a large but I wouldn't mind fitting into a medium.  My weight goal is almost another 22 pounds.  Hubby thinks I should only lose 10-15.  We shall see.  I'm happy now but not totally comfortable with myself yet.  I think no matter what, I'll always in some ways, still feel like the fat girl.  It's weird, but I do have skinny days and fat days...it's all a mind game isn't it?

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