Patty_D.
Back Story
Sep 03, 2007
March 2004 Starting over again!!!
I had my first surgery, a stomach stapling, in 1982.
Did well, went from 260 to 165 in a year, got PG and ate around the surgery and weight 215 one month after delivered baby by c-sect. Had to have gallbladder removed in 1989 and Dr. "tightened up" my stapling and added a band to make exit from stomach smaller. Only lost from 250 to 210 in about a year, then slowly gained back up to about 225.
Had problems keeping food down right from the beginning of that surgery but thought it was all my fault because I had over eaten, part of it was that, but part was due to a growing obstruction to the banded area. By 1998 it had gotten so bad that sometimes even water came right back up!! A different surgeon was suppose to remove the blockage, but he reversed the stapling as best he could. I had NOT wanted it reversed, only repaired!! Went from around 225 to 280 between 1998 and now!!!
I am checking into finding a Dr. that will do the open RNY on me. It is really hard to find a Dr. who is willing to take the trouble to work with me because of the previous surgeries!!! They either think I am a lost cause or that it would be too complicated to fool with me. I have done my homework and know that the RNY is 50% more effective than the old stapling, and I have been working on discovering the reasons I overeat and how to deal with them. I have recently joined a gym, the looks I get from some of them!!, and work out on cardiac(stationary bike) for 30 min at a time for 3 to 5 days a week and I do Aquasize for 1 hour a day for 3 to 4 days a week. I have really bad knees so I can not do the treadmill or walk much until I take off a good amount of weight.
I know that I can make this work for me if I can only find a doctor willing to do the surgery!! Back in 1982 and 1989 there was NO support or training in how or what to eat!! We were on our own after the follow up check up after surgery. We were on a regular diet by the time we left the hospital and were just told if something bothered us when we ate it, not to eat it again!! I am 52 and my grand mothers live to be 86 and 90 years old and Mom is still living at 74 and doing as good as she did at 50!!!, so I feel that I have a good 30 to 40 years ahead of me, IF I GET THE WEIGHT OFF!!!!
April 1st, 2004
OK, I am a little peeved right now and need to vent!! I got a packet in the mail today with a nice little note telling me that my appt. for Monday the 5th of April was cancelled cause I need to fill out all this info and send them a clinical fee of $150 that is non-refundable just for them to think about it and then they will call me IF they are willing to check into doing my revision!!! I don't mind being a trick pony and jumping thru any hoops they wish to throw at me, BUT why should I have to pay the $150 just for them to THINK about it???? Even if they give me a consult, it still doesn't mean they will take my case, according to the letter, but the $150 MUST be paid up front!!!
OK, deep breath!!!!!!!!!! Now I am done venting!! That $150 isn't near as bad as some of the bad diet food, rubberband exercise junk and "diet pills" that I have shelled out money on in the past with NO guarantee that they would work. Ok, sorry for that but I needed to do it!! Thanks for putting up with my bit*hing today!!
April 3, 2004
I was researching a new Dr in my state, who had been in practice in another stated doing Bariatric surgeries and he teaches at out state medical school and teaching hopital. I was thinking about going to him to do mine. I would be able to have it done much sooner than with the Dr. I'm with currently because he hasn't built up a big following yet.
In researching him, I came across an official document from the State Licensing Board. It states in it that he had been practicing in the other state and had lost his license due to addiction problems. He moved to our state and started teaching and practicing, doing bariatric surgeries. I have heard absolutly nothing bad about his abilities to preform, but the document went on to say that within 18 monts of his starting here, he was charged with self-medicating with pain killers. His license was held until Board could gather info and make decision. He was found guilty and made to do 6 month rehab, and he is NOT allowed to prescribe ANY pain meds except at the hospital for his patients and only allowed to prescribe other meds in 10 day non-refillable doses at office and hospital, and he will face random drug testing for the next several years.
He is abiding by these rulings and is considered an very good surgeon, but now I don't know!?!?! Should I go to him and have things progress earlier, or should I just stick with Dr I have now. I researched him also, and he has NEVER been brought before the State Licensing Board for any indiscretions. Which does not mean he is squeeky clean, but that he has not ever been caught doing anything that would make him loose his liscence. He also is a very good surgeon, but is in high demand and surgery schedule is very busy so waiting list is longer.
Now I am all for forgivinig someone who has done something wrong, short of deliberate murder, and giving then a second chance. But this Dr. has been found guilty at least 2 times of self-medication with pain meds. I did not go back and search the state where he came from, so I don't know if there were other charges and why he left the state. Maybe he just wanted a move, but then again, he may not have been offered the chance for rehab. and to continue practicing!!!!!
April 4, 2004
I decided to stay with the Dr who charges the fee, my life is worth way more than that $150 and a little time!!!I just feel guilty for judging the 2nd Dr.. I truly believe in 2nd chances, but he really had more than a couple of them. I did some further research and found out he had been displined 5 or 6 times since 1998 for the same thing. I kinda feel he is NOT learning from his mistakes.
A Short Story----Looking for "Bubbles"!!!!
April 13, 2004
I noticed in one of the recent post the discussion of trying to find yourselves after weight-loss. I, too, am trying to find who I am!! I haven't had the revision yet, but I am trying to find the happy, playfull girl I use to be 150 lbs ago!! I want to find her and dust her off and start my life NOW with her in control. With her help, I can do this and MAKE it work this time for the rest of my life. Also, my Hubby needs her to come back!! He is becoming a very negative, depressed, down-on-life person and he use to be so positive and upbeat!! I am leaving "MommaPat" on the side of the road and picking Patty back up. She was a very happy, active, talkative and even giggly person that had been dubbed "Bubbles" by a local radio talkshow host back in the early 1970's, because of her bubbling personality. She was very outgoing, outspoken and loved life.
She got "gobbled" up by a rape (which she blamed herself for), 7 pregnancies (2 miscarrages, 4 live births and 1 stillborn{also, blamed herself for}),financial problems, and life in general. She did not have a real firm foundation to keep her grounded and life washed over her and swallowed her identity and left only the "Momma" that took control and surrounded her in a shell of fat, hoping to soften the "blows" that life kept knocking her around with. She went looking for herself, in 1982. She had a good paying job, a good, loving husband, and 3 wonderful sons that she wanted to live for, so she had a stomach stapling to loose the unhealthy weight that had surrounded her. She lost from 260 to 165 and felt better than she had in a long time, but she still had not come to grips with the things she blamed herself for and when she found herself pregnant with her last child (she and hubby had always wanted 4 children) a year after the stapling, the old fears and doubts returned and "gobbled" her up again. And wrapped her round and round with so much fat that she lost herself down in the deep depression of the fat. By 1985 she had gained back all that she had lost.
"Momma" was out in full force, trying to protect the once happy girl from the constant pull of life problems. In 1989, she had to have her gallbladder removed and the surgeon who was going to do it offered to "tighten up" the staple line and add a band to the stoma to make it smaller. She jumped at the chance, but her feelings of failure and guilt from having gained all the previous weight back lead her astray and she only lost down to around 220. She stayed there for a couple of years, but the loss of her job threw her family into a real financial delima and her into a downward spiral of fat once again. She became so depressed that she could NOT hold down a job for more than a short time and the financial problems continued to grow. She stayed shut up in her house and let life pass her by and the guilt for not being there for her children ate at her daily.
Now all her children have flown the nest and she has more time to focus on her wonderful husband who had been there for her through thick and thin. "When had he changed???" She could not believe how sad, down and depressed he had become. His view of life had become very negative!! The financial problems, plus trying to always build up the girl had become more than he could handle and he, too, shut himself off from the world, now all he does is work, eat and sleep. It is now affecting his health, but he won't take care of himself, he puts the girl first, ALWAYS!!
He feels she is worth his very own life!! I MUST find her and bring her home to help them both. I NEED this surgery to open up my life and allow me to do the things I NEED to do. I need to become health in order to live long enough to help my soulmate find his way. We deserve to have a life that we can enjoy. We have both worked very hard (especially him!!)to reach this point and space in time and now we owe it to ourselves to take better care of us. So, I am morphing, even before a revision, back into "Patty" but a better "Patty", so "MommaPat" is no more. I have changed my sign-in name to reflect the girl once called "Bubbles". From this day hence, I shall be known as "Patty" whether I am able to get the revision or not!!! I will no longer put off bringing her back to life, she WILL live again, NOW!!! I WILL find a way to unwrap her from the layers of fat, but she MUST live NOW, she can not wait another day. If I leave her too long, she will sufficate and be gone forever. I know most of you will understand my struggles to keep her alive and bring her out into the light once again!! Thank you!!
Patty
April 19, 2004
Maybe some of you remember, I mentioned I had an appoint with Dr. Voellinger and then it was cancelled only 2 days before the appointment and I was sent a packet to complete and had to mail it and $150.00 in to the office. Well, the day after they cashed the check, I happened to call to see if I could have some of the nessaceary appointments done here in my home town or if they had to be with the Drs on the list they sent. When I asked them this, they informed me a letter was in the mail to me to inform me that Dr. Voellinger would NOT take me on as a patient!! I asked if I could get back the $150 since I never saw the dr and no test or anything had been done. No!!! It was an unrefundable deposit!! Now the Dr. had had my chart from my previous surgeries because they had been done by his current office, and I had an appointment set up already, when they told me they needed a little more info and the check for $150. The info only included my basic info, like weight, date of birth, name, phone #, etc. It did not have any thing more about my previous surgeries. I was told that reason he would NOT take me, is because of how the previous surgeries were done. So why couldn't they tell me when he got the post-operative notes from the first 2 surgeries that he didn't want to take me on?? Why did they have to have my $150 to tell me no????? I could be using that money to travel to another Dr in the state that does do revisions and is already reviewing my case, WITHOUT any money up front. Dr. McDonald's office told me NOT to send any money until they had time to review my post-op files that I faxed them. When the Dr reviews them and decides if he will do a revision on me, then they will set up an appointment and I can pay my co-pay at that time. No up front fees at all!! I am glad I was turned on to Dr. McDonald in Greenville, NC. They will review my case and decide if they can do my surgery, with out me having to shell out any up front money.
I just think Dr. Voellinger's office could have been nicer about it and NOT charged the $150 when they already knew what they were going to do!!!
I feel like I was ripped off!! I am really depressed right now!!
I found out the check had cleared the bank on Friday, I called them this morning to ask a question and that is when they told me not to bother making the other appointments, that the Dr. would not be taking me. I asked about the money, but was told that it was to cover the seminar(that I was told I didn't have to attend, because I had had previous WLS, and I DIDN'T attend it) and the handling of paperwork!! They would NOT have had to handle any paperwork if they had just told me when they cancelled tha appointment that the Dr. felt my surgery would be too complicated for him!! I called the Better Business Bureau and was told that since it stated the money was a NON_Refundable, Clinic fee that I had no recourse, Let the buyer beware!! So, beware, if you are asked for money upfront, before you even see a Dr. you Will NOT get it back if they decide not to take your case!!
I am really beginging to wonder what in the world that 2nd Dr. did to my insides to make the last surgeon decide he HAD to reverse my surgery and to make 2 seperate Drs, now, decide that my case was "just too complicated" for them to handle!! What in the world did that Dr do!! I know the second surgery never was right and I had lots of problems with it, throwing up and all right from the begining, but even one of the surgeons in the office he was from refuses to work on me!!! I am begining to feel like Frankenstien!!!!HELP!!!!!
Patty
April 20, 2004--The saga continues
I saw a surgeon today that has only been doing WLS for 1 year, but has been an excelent surgeon for 20 some years. He explained the increase of danger in doing revisions and afterall this will be my 4th surgery in that area!! He said my odds of death will be much greater, that it is 1 in 100 normally(I have heard that and 1 in 200, and I don't know which is correct)but my odds would be around 1 in 50! He explained all the complications that revisions have that 1st timers don't have, but he said, I was in pretty good health and I was young(I wonder what he was looking at, I'm 52)and he deemed me an excelent canidater for the revision. He also said he was not qualified to do my revision, but he would get in touch with Dr. McDonald in Greenville, NC who has done lots of revisions and also teach other Drs how to do the surgery. He is going to send him my chart and share his knowledge of my situation with him and put in a good word for me,AND he is going to set up the appointment! He thinks he can get one sooner than I could on my own!! He really made up for the other Dr, that took my $150 and didn't take me as a patient. I only had to pay my $15 co-pay today and he was really honest with me and is working to help me get the surgery I need!!
Patty
April 30th, 2004 -- Has the Dr been seen yet??
No, I have not seen the Dr. in Greenville, NC yet. I had faxed in all my previous surgeries post operative notes, plus a post-operative report from an endoscope that I had done in 2000 by a surgeon who refused to do a revision at that time, but had recommended Dr. MacDonald to me at that time.
Well, I had faxed it on Monday, April 19th and did a follow up call that day to be sure it had been received in the office, and it had. Hubby and I were getting ready for a short trip to the beach on Tue, the 27th, and I started to call and see if anything had been decided, but Hubby told me to wait till we came home.
While on our little trip, I was having dizzy spells every time I walled more than just a few feet! If I walked 20 to 30 feet, I would have to stop and sit down. I would get real dizzy, my head was swimming, I couldn't focus and I started feeling nauseous!! I had been in to PCP's office earlier in the week and BP was up and he changed my meds, yet again, to try and bring it down. Not working though! I had it checked while we were away and it was 145/95 at the time. Just slightly lower that when in Dr's office on Monday. This fat is gonna kill me if I can't find a way to loose it!!!!
I just had to call the surgeon's office in Greenville, NC today when we got home. The faxed papers, all 13 of them, were still sitting on the receptionist's desk. No one had looked at them at all. Lady on the phone said she didn't know what to do with them. Said she had to talk to Dr's nurse, the one I had spoken to on the phone. I wanted to know why she had not spoken to her when I faxed in the papers or at least when I called to verify that they had been received??!!! But being the "good girl" that I have always been taught to be and not question people of authority, I didn't ask that question!! I did ask if I could give her the info she needed to get it to the Dr. but she said, no, she would give it to the nurse and let her do what ever was needed. I am thinking, so why the HECK did she not do that when the fax came in!!!!????!!!!! Just more of the frustration of waiting, hoping, and wanting a solution for my ever growing girth!!
So here I wait and wait some more for an answer as to whether the Dr. will even consider doing a revision for me. I have hidden nothing from him in my request, I have revealed all in my post operative notes, knowing that the more info I provide the better my chances of NOT being told "sure" and then going in and having my heart ripped out, yet again, as it was with the Dr. in 2000 and the 2 Dr.s in this past month!! One thing for sure, IF I can finally find a surgeon and get this done, I will work my butt off (literally) to make sure this will be the last surgery I will need to help me loose my excess!!! This one will NOT fail!!!
Oh yeah, my PCP has insisted that we have a new month coming up and it would be a real good time for me to go on a real strict, all-the-way Atkins diet! He said that he would document it throughly, so that by the time we get everything worked out with a surgeon that I would have that info to add to the ammo to hit the insurance co. with, and it would help to lower my BP. So I guess it is almost midnight as I write this, so hello Atkins!! RATS!! Here I go again!! I think I will start practicing eating with out drinking and cutting down on my diet colas while I do this to prepare for post surgery days!! Counting my protein intake will be good practice also!! Gotta look at the bright side of things!!
Patty
May 15th, 2004
I know all of us has gone thru this in some degree or other in our search for help and a solution to our struggle. I have still heard nothing back from the latest surgeon about my revision. I am going thru a very rocky patch right now. I am so very depressed and have not posted or responded to the board or updated my profile because of my depression. I did not want to drag down any one with me. I have stuck to the Atkins induction now for 2 full weeks and have lost 16.5 lbs, but I have to fight daily NOT to overeat!! I try so hard to control the amount I eat!! Oh, how I wish that I could just STOP!! I never feel satisfied with NORMAL amounts of food and when I do finally fill full, I am so ashamed of myself for the amout of food that I have eaten that sometimes I can't quit and over eat to the point of pain!! I am trying to use this time to deal with my addiction to food!! Oh, how I wish my every thought wasn't about food!! God help me, I am so very miserable!! I MUST find a way thru all this!! Just before writing this, I took all my meds, 4 seperate hands full of pills!! When taking them I couldn't even remember when I took them last!! Was it 2 or 3 days ago?? No wonder the depression is worse!! I wish I could stop taking so many pills!! I stay shut up inside all day long. I avoid going out unless I aboslutly have to! I go nowhere unless I am forced too!! I have avoided people as much as possible!! I haven't even read the board in a couple of weeks!! All I do is sit in my chair, watch TV and try to forget that I am what I am; a fat, miserable, depressed. old woman!! I wake up wishing that I hadn't, wishing that I could just sleep my life away!! I know this is a very depressing post, and I am sorry!! I just had to let you know where I am in this journey and I know that there are others who have reached these depths. Please help me find a way outa the pit and back into life!!! I have lost myself somewhere along the way!!
Patty
May 17th, 2004
I got a phone call!! They went over my records that they received and said it would be really tricky, but they thought they could do it, IF everything else went well and I was in resonably good health for my weight. You know, NO stomach ulcers, etc! I think I can work on eating right, and maybe even a little exersize in the mean time!! My appointment is set up for July 1st!!!!
I know this is NOT a date for surgery, but it IS as very big step forward from the STOP and stand still that I was in!! Thank you Jesus!!!!!
WOW!! What a difference a day makes!!!
Patty
June 10th, 2004
Not much to post since my post last month, just playing the waiting game untill I get to see Dr. Chapman. That appointment is on July 1st and I am in the mist of planning a small vaction for hubby and I when we go to Greenville, NC. Hubby has never been to the Outer Banks of NC and I haven't been since I was about 12, so we would like to tour around that area, but it is a bit late to be making room resevations there since it is a holiday weekend. So, I guess we will stay further in-land and the drive to outerbanks each day. Thats about all for now!!
Patty
June 21st, 2004, the first day of Summer!! Yeah!!
Dont really know why that makes me happy!! Summer here is hot and HUMID!!!! And I live in a singlewide, so it is like living in a tincan that has been set on a hot burner!! Electricity gets real expensive in the summer time, which is from the first of May thru the end of Sept. here!! Any who!! I can't believe that NEXT week I finally get to see Dr. Chapman!! The trip to the Outer Banks has been put on hold!! Reservations were not possible at a price that is reasonable for our budget and we only wanted to stay for 2 or 3 days and most places required a 3 to 5 night stay to make reservations, and Hubby just decided to turn his leave back in so he will have it to use IF I am able to have the surgery. We are just gonna go for the appt, and come home. Besides, the new cat, Snowball, would not do well by himself in the house and we wouldn't have anyone to take care of him for us at this time. Please pray for me that God's will is done in this issue. If it were totally up to me, I would have already had my revision!!! But I'm sure God knows what is best for me and my family and even if the answer is NO, He knows what He is doing!!
Patty
July 1st, 2004
Goodbye!!!!! I'm NOT coming back!!
I can't!! I had my consult today!! It was my last chance at surgery!! I will NOT be having surgery!! Because of all 3 of the other surgeries, It has left my stomach with a depleted blood supply and should I have another WLS, the pouch will die from lack of blood and I will die!! This IS NOT an option!! So it is the diet mill for me!! Please understand that I don't feel I can be of any support to others and I just can't face hearing about all the successes when I have lost that option, altogether!! I love you all and I wish you the greatest of luck on your journeys!!
Goodbye!!
Patty
Sept. 22, 2005
All in Good time!! God know what is best for us and if we wait upon His wisdom, He will provide us with what we need!!!
I KNOW I said I was NOT coming back, but God in His great wisdom and perfect timing, has sent me to Dr. Husted in Nashville and he WILL do a partial DS on me!! He will NOT touch the top portion of my stomach, that has a compromised blood supply and is in danger of being effected by any further surgeries and possibly cause the stomach to suffer from a total loss of blood supply and die. He WILL do the small intestines and shorten the limb in order to make up for leaving the stomach at a larger size than normally done in the surgery. He MAY be able to do it "hand-assisted LAP" even though all 3 of the previous surgeries were open!!
I have got everything together except for the $5000 I need to pay up front and one of my hospital Ins. policies, that pays me $200 a day when I am in the hospital, will not be effective untill March, so I guess I will be waiting until March 2006 or maybe even April 2006 to have my surgery, BUT I AM going to have it!! I can wait 6 or 7 months, I have waited since 2001, so what is a few more months when I know it IS going to happen!!
Dr. Husted and staff are wonderful and even though I have to drive 8 hrs one-way, it is well worth it to have such a qualified surgeon and staff taking care of me!!
Praise God in all His infinite wisdom!!
Patty
Nov. 12, 2005
WOW!! Sorry it has been awhile since I updated, but it has finally happened!! I AM APPROVED!! The Ins. paperwork was received by BCBS Fed. on Oct. 19th and I got the word from Ellen Bell, Dr. Husted's insurance tech, yesterday, the 11th, that I AM APPROVED!!
I have to call the office on Monday and set a date for my surgery. I have my husband's leave calander and a 2006 calander in hand trying to figure out what week will work best for us and then call Dawn at Dr. Husted's office Monday and set it up with their schedule. It looks like sometime late Feburary or early March will work out best.
So what is next? Well, I will RELAX and ENJOY the holidays, then I will do the traditional New Year's Resolutions of loosing weight and getting healthy. This I will do with a vengence!! I plan on going on my old favorite, Atkins, and take of a few pounds to reduce the old liver's size and try to get in a routine of peddling the old recumberent bike to build up my stamina. Why I even plan on putting on the stupid mask and sleeping with the CPAP, Dr. H made me promise to do it for at least the last 3 weeks before surgery anyway.
Still working on the money problem, but I do see a light at the end of that tunnel, so I guess it is full speed ahead!!! God is good and all is right with my world!!
Patty
Nov. 14th, 2005
Well, I called and got my date today. March 20th, 2006!! Isn't it cool that that is the first day of Spring?? The day of new birth, my new birth!!! I am so ready for it, but so much to do to get ready!! Pray with me about the $$$, that is my biggest obsticle now!!
Patty
Nov. 24th, 2005---Turkey Day!!!!
Well, We have just come home from Granny's house and for me it was Christmas!!!! My father-in-law and mother-in-law called my DH and me aside and gave us $400 in cash to cover my part for the Hosp. and Dr for the lumpectomy on Monday. AND if that wasn't enough!!!!! They gave my husband a check a little later for $5000 to cover my outa pocket expences for my WLS!!!
I had been praying about that money and wondered how we were gonna manage it and the Lord, through my inlaws, just gave us ALL of it!! Why right now I could schedule my surgery for the very first opening Dr. Husted has!! Will have to discuss this with DH and figure when will work best and call the office and see what we can do!! First I gotta go thru the lumpectomey on Monday and wait for the results, then I can refigure a surgery date!!
Isn't God Great!! He has provided so much for us!! What a wonderful day this has been!!
Patty
Dec. 1, 2006
Now the Lumpectomy is behind me and benign, I have a NEW surgery date!!
!!!!!!!Jan. 16th, 2006!!!!!
I'm excited and nervous at the same time!! I have so much to do!! Lots of pre-op testing that my PCP will haelp me get done here at home, a trip to Nashville on Jan 9th for Nutritional traning and hospital bloodwork, and then surgery!!! WoooHooo!!!
Patty
Dec. 18th, 2005
In just three weeks, I will be sitting in a hotel room, hoping I can get some sleep before my pre-op test the next day. And one week later, I will be doing bathroom runs hoping my system gets itself cleaned out enough for my surgery the next morning and NOT being able to sleep.
It REALLY is Going to happen!! I am going under the knife, for the 4th and LAST time to get healthier!!! My emotions are all over the place!!! I'm excited and scared at the same time!! Hell, I'm terrified that this surgery won't work for me!! That just like EVERYTHING I ever tried to take off this weight, this, too, will fail!!
I know my In-Laws gave me $4000 (I put in the wrong figures in my posting on that, the check was for $4000 and the cash was $500) for the surgery, but the Dr. is $4500, then there are the pre-op testing, the hotel for the time I have to be in Nashville, the food that we will need, and the hospital it'self. I have been sitting trying to pay ahead on the bills that will require that, and figuring what to pack for a 3+ weeks stay in Nashville.
I sure hope when I get back home, I can find this posting and laugh at myself, but right now I am on the verge of tears. Wondering if I should just call the whole thing off, KNOWING that I will NOT do that!! I KNOW that God lead me to Dr. Husted at this point in time and has even provided most of the money needed. I am trusting in Him to furnish what is left to pull together,KNOWING that somehow He will see me through.
I'm sorry, I know everyone goes through a lot of emotions before this surgery, and I am just another voice in the wind. But to me, right now, it is top priority, I eat, drink, and sleep this surgery and all the "what ifs".
Right now, it is too far away, too close, too soon!!! And it is really, REALLY gonna happen!!!
Patty
28 days to DS Day
Dec. 25th, 2005 -- Christmas Day
Busy, busy, busy!!!
Spent most of Christmas Eve at my folks house (an hr away), My sister (who lives in Woodstock, GA) her Hubby, and 3 kids came, too!! I only get to see my Sis once a year!! Maybe after my surgery, I will be back to my old outgoing self and just drive down and visit her!! I also have a good friend in Atlanta that was my best friend in school since the 5th grade. Would love to visit her, too!!
As is a family tradition, we drove 1 1/2 hr to my inlaws to have lunch today. We all usually show up around 12 or 1 and stay till 3 or 4. We do this every, Easter, Thanksgiving and Christmas, and that is the only times of the year that we all get to see each other.
It is kinda wierd that this is the very first year that Hubby and I have not bought gifts for anyone!! Even the year that we both lost our jobs, we sold our wedding bands and HS rings to buy Christmas for the kids!! But this year, they all told us they would rather we use the money for hotels and such while we are spending the 3+ weeks in Nashville for my surgery.
It really feels GOOD to know that ALL the bills are paid on time, this time of year!!! Usually one or two of them is a few days past the due date in December!! I'm in the process of packing stuff to go. We will be leaving in just under 2 weeks!! I am SO-O-O-O READY!!!
I hope everyone had a
good ___(insert holiday here)_____!!!!
Patty
*22 days to go!!!!
December 2005 -- What a Wonderful Year!!
In January 2005, I still believed that I would NOT be able to have WLS and I was all on my own!! I tried to loose weight on Atkins, but my heart really wasn't in it and in 2 months I had stopped loosing and gained back all I had lost (15 lbs) plus more to take me up to a grand total of 310 lbs.
I felt totally defeated and just knew I would die "Fat"!! I was very depressed and the more I babysat my Grandson, the more I realized how hard it was for me to do even small things with him! I realized that I was NOT going to be able to play with him as he grew if I did not do something, so I started back on a low-cal, low fat diet. I just did not do well at all on that one!! I felt hungery ALL the time and I felt deprived. I never lost more than 5 lbs in 2 months. I went to my Dr. and begged him to reccomend a therapist that could help me get thru the depression. I went and started seeing her once a week. She helped me realize that I must take charge and change a few things.
I thought seriously about it and told my husband that either I give up and just totally quit worring about being fat and just live with it, or rather sit around and watch life go by without me, OR I had to find someone who WOULD do WLS on me.
I remembered having watched DHC about 2 patients of Dr. Husted and talked with my Hubby about him and even got him to watch the shows. He was VERY impressed with Dr. H and suggested that I get in touch with him BEFORE I just gave up!!
I did and the rest is history!! I will be having surgery in January 2006, just a few weeks away!!. I decided to make other changes in my life. I had donated my hair to Locks of Love in 1997 and again in 2002, it was now long enough to get caught in my crack and I would have to pull my braid outa the way to sit on the toilet!!
My hubby who had let his hair grow out, and I went to a beauty salon where they give you a free haircut for donating to Locks of Love. He gave them 12" of hair and I gave them 31" of hair. I had my hair cut really, really short just after Christmas. I have NEVER had my hair this short. Well, I think 2006 will be a year of NEW things and experiences!!
Patty
Patty
March 12, 2006
Anybody got any crackers, cheese, and fruit?? I have definitely got the WHINE!!!!
And after promising myself I would NOT let myself get into this state of mind!! I could have NOT posted this, but I want my profile to be as honest as I can make it so others will know the good, the bad, and the UGLY, and this is definitely ugly!! So here it is!! and also posted on the DS board for a little compassion from others who have been there!!
OK, here it is!! I am NOT happy!! My scale likes to freak me out!! I think it has an alien being inside that is laughing at me!! I am NOT taking the weights on that scale as my official weights, because I am weighing in at my PCP each month, on or around the 16th, my surgerversary. BUT I admit to having various compulsive disorders and weighing each day, even several times a day is one of them.
I will say that I KNOW that the weight will fluctuate thru out the day, and day by day, BUT this thing is going from 268 to 290 overnight!! I know I am not being as good as I should about the carbs. I am eating too many of them each day. I have paid for that sin with bad gas, but it isn't too smelly just painful. I find that if I eat too much fat at a meal, in 30 min, the thunderstorm starts in my belly and the bathroom better NOT be too far away!! I have NOT succumbed to the sugar monster, YET, but I never was that much into sweets, except Hershey Hugs and Kisses. I am cleaning out the cabinets, yet again, and Hubby is helping get rid of the high carb foods that snuck back into the house, and I am gonna have him hide the scale AGAIN!!
I still am not hungry, I am only eating because I have too, but I am not eating the way I know that I should be eating. I am NOT getting in all my protein, but I manage to consume carbs at every meal! I KNOW this is wrong and this is an issue that I intend to take up with my therapist when I see her on Monday. She had the RNY and is very helpful with these issues of comfort foods and bad eating habits. I know the surgery will NOT do all the work, I know I have to do my part. I just hope that I will go back and re-read this over and over again anytime I find myself slipping into bad habits.
I just wanted to be honest with everyone, and I am hoping that the PCP's scales are better to me this week when I go weigh in there. Thanks for putting up with my whining!
Patty
March 24, 2006
I am a bit behind in my updateding, but I did get my pictures taken on 3/16, so they are accurate for my profile at 2 months out from my DS. Again they are in underware. I will switch to a bathing suit when I can fit into a 2 piece number!! But until then the underware will cover everything sufficently(I HOPE!!).
My BP was still up at my 1 month weigh-in so my PCP increased one of the BP meds that I was still taking and that, unbeknown to me, caused me to retain fluid, so for my 2 month check up on 3/16, I weighed-in. I had GAINED up to 286 lbs!!!! Man was I depressed!! I went to the DS board and the girls over there had to talk me down!! I was so very upset!! I was so sure this surgery was another failure, in a long line of failures, for me! I had a Cardiologist appointment on the 3/20 and he said I was holding fluid and I told him about the change in meds. He increased my diuretic and said the one that had been increased causes many people to hold fluid. With in 3 days I was back down to 273 lbs!! I have not weighed since then so I don't know how that is going, but I am so glad it was the meds and not me failing at something else!!
More later!!
Patty D.
Dr. Husted
1/16/2006
hw sw cw gw
315/307/273/145
May 8th, 2006
Hi All!! My computer is still down. It is beginning to look like I am gonna loose EVERYTHING on it!! But still searching for a solution! I lost my 3 month photo$ on the darn thing!!!
I have to tell y'all about a WOW moment!! My Magic Carpet Ride!! We used my hubby's car to drive to Nashville in Jan. 'cause it gets around 40 mpg on the open hwy. and my automatic only gets about 32 mpg on the hwy. In his car the seatbelt almost didn't go around me!! I had to pull it out to the max and suck in my gut and hubby clicked it with some difficultty!! And it was really uncomfortable coming home!!
Well, we had to go to run errands to get our new doublewide set up on Thursday last and we decided to take hubby's car because gas was so high!! I sat in the passenger's seat for the first time since the trip home and the seatbelt buckled with about 3 inches to spare!! I was riding HIGH!! I was so proud!! I KNOW I played with that seatbelt the entire trip!!
I was still floating when we ran into my "common law" DIL. She went to get her friend to introduce us to her and I heard her tell her "..she is the short, heavy lady with BROWN hair..." Well, I have been very proud of my natural BLONDE hair for many years, it use to be white as a baby and darkened as I got older, to a very light brown with golden blonde highlights in the summers. But for the past 4 years, my depression and weight had kept me hiding indoors and only going outside if I had too! So my hair got darker and darker. AND I have not had any compliments about my weight loss cause no one has noticed yet, even with 60 lbs gone!! I was feeling real good about myself though, untill she pulled that rug right out from under me.
Well, tonight, I fixed part of the problem!! I am now a bottle blonde!! I frosted my hair and now have the golden highlights that show that I use to be a real blonde!! But now it is fake!! Hee Hee,
and I don't even have a hair dresser to know for sure!!
I can NOT wait to have people notice my weight loss, how long does it really take for that?? AND how long before I get to shop in the back of my closet?? I have had only a very slight change in size!! Well at least my 3X pants are going in the doll clothes bag and the 2 pair of 2Xs are getting a work out!!
I figure the size 24 jeans will be a L-O-N-G time away!! My spare tire is now hanging down to mid thigh!! It is just too much to "tuck" into the pants, but the pants WILL slip on and fits my butt and legs real well right now, maybe I should add a maternity panel so they will fit!! What do y'all think??
Patty
(I was 260 at last Dr. appt on April 17th)
Copy of my post to DS board here on May 13th, 2006
HELP!! PLEASE!! Fighting Demon!!!
I know I agreed to weigh in on Sunday and post my findings here, but now I am aftaid to and decided to wait and weigh in on the 16th at my visit to the PCP for BP check up.
I am so D@#^ close to my "blocked" weight of 250 that I am afraid that I WON'T make it below that mark!! When I weighed nearly 2 weeks ago I was at 255. I have NOT stepted on that scale since then.
I have found myself closely reading the "miricale" diet drug ads these past 2 weeks and seriously contemplating "getting help" crossing over this "block". I wasted a small fortune on these things and bogus exercise equipment over the past 35 years, but now I find my self thinking that I will NEVER make it unless I seek additional help!!
Am I the only idiot on the block?? Have others feared that they need "help" with their DS?? Why can't I just trust it will work?? Because, even when I had the first stomach stapling, I had to resort to diet pills to finally loose 100 lbs!!! Of course then, the "block" was the 200 lb mark on the scales. I started that journey at the 265 mark.
Maybe if I can break this "block" unassisted I will be better able to face that dreaded 200 "block" when that time comes!! Why does this seem like an impossible dream to me?? Someone, PLEASE HELP!!! Talk me down off the ledge!!
Patty
May 16th!!!
I Made it!! 247.5 lbs -- 67.5 lbs lost!! Yeah!!
Patty
May 23rd, 2006
My new computer should be here by the weekend!! Yipeeeeeeeee!! I swiped hubby's 'puter tonight to post. I am grossed out by the Steven King movie tonight, so I thought I would borrow his lap top and visit the boards.
I have one very HUGE confession to make, one that NO ONE except my hubby knows about.
My secreat is that before I had my DS, my depression was so bad that I didn't want to do anything. I mean nothing at all!! I didn't cook, we had fast food or freezer to micro, I didn't clean house, I am a total slob!!!! I Hated to take a shower!! My tub in my single wide is plastic and has cracks in it and I have a big fear of falling and was afraid of the tub breaking and me falling thru and having to have the emts come and haul my fat ass out of the hole and take me to the hospital.
I thought that the fear of that was my problem, but we put in a new tub in the hall bath that was heavy fiberglass and I still didn't want to take a shower!! Maybe it was my depression!! I don't know, but I didn't do anything and I didn't go anywhere, so I didn't really get dirty. Only my hair would be so oily and dirty by about 3 weeks that THEN I took a shower, hating it every min. I did clean my privates daily and hubby said I didn't smell at all. So no one really knew about my horriable secreat and I was afraid to tell my Dr. or therapest!!
So do y'all hate me now!! The fat assed, dirty slob!! Are there any others who shared my secreat?? Am I the only one who hide from everyone and everything?? The only one who hated to do anything to take care of themselves or their home??
Well, now with 70 lbs gone I don't bathe daily, but I do bathe a lot more often and even enjoy the shower!!! We just bought a double wide and I special ordered a whirlepool tub!!!! I can not wait to be able to lounge in that tub and just soak!!
I went out today and got a new haircut, I highlighted it a week or so ago. I WANT to buy new clothes, but worry about spending too much on clothes that I won't wear very long. I am starting to feel "SEXY", I had really forgotten HOW that felt!!
I am cleaning up around me and doing some experimental cooking again. I use to do gormet(sp) cooking alot!! I can't wait to get set up in my new kitchen. I will have cabinet and counter space to stock up on supplies and to do all kinds of cooking. I can't hardly stand the wait!! Only about 2 weeks and we can move in!! I am getting a freezer too, so I can stock up on meats!! Ain't life grand??
Oh, thank you to all of those who don't diet!! You keep me from feeling like I am failing at the DS! But I really respect Y'all who can diet and work out so hard to make the most of the DS!!! I know that I should be making the most of my "window" but I can NOT tollorate the idea of dieting again!!! I eat what I want when I want, and surprisingly enought I mostly want high protien foods, meats and cheeses!!! I did develope a craving for fruits this month, something I never ate much of before, so I have had berries, melons, pineapple, and bananas!! Not a lot of them, but some every few days. Also, I really love a ggod salad with a meat in it, chicken, ham or turkey, mostly, but tuna and ground beef in there sometimes. A good taco salad is so satisfing!!
If I want It I eat It!!!! If it is carbs, it is usually complex, but if I want spagetti and meat sause, I'll eat it!! Mac and cheese is a great comfort food and I can handel it in small quanties. Nothing is in the amounts of what I ate pre-DS!! I just eat till I am comfortable and then stop. I drink my diet, caffienne free sodas. I take ALL my suppliments as directed by surgeon and nut. I get in ALL my fluids!! I don't always get in all my protien, but I am still working on that and never get less than 70 grams of protien and usually around 100 grms. Thanks to ALL of Y'all!! You have been my greatest inspirations and my helpers in all of this. You ARE my support group!! Thank you!!
I warned you this was long and winding!! I guess I should wind it up now!! hopefully that terriable move is off by now!!
L8R!!
Patty
315/245/145
July 17th, 2006--6th month "Surg-iversity
Hi Y'all!!
It is hard to believe that it has been 6 months sometimes and sometimes it seems as if it has been years and the weight is coming off too slow!!
I lost from 239 at month 5 to 233.5 today. 5.5 lb loss. That seems way too slow for me!! I want to go back to the 20 and 30 lb losses!! BUT, now just 5 lbs and I can feel it in my clothes. 'Cause now my clothes are fitted and before they were all stretchy and stretched out!! Then it took 30 to 40 lbs to see a difference and now I can feel it in only 5!! ONE-derland is finally within my sight-lines!! I would have never thought I would actually see the underside of the 200s this time last year, but here I am creeping up on it!! I feel so much better. I am even starting to feel a little more sexy and "girl-y". I am now wearing pink toenail polish 2 gold toe rings and 2 gold ankle braclets all the time!! Hubby loves my new attitude. No food is off limits but many foods are on a limited quantity bases. Funny thing is, some of them I really don't want at all, it was just the "forbidden" that attracted me before!! Life with the DS is truly a "trip" and I am enjoying almost every min. of it!! I'm still "FAT" but the day is coming that I won't have to say that anymore!!! I have actually started researching plastic surgeons since "Henry, the hernia" has started growing!! I know it will be a while before I can have that done, but I am starting to look for one!!
6th month labs were drawn today, I will report back with the results. We are almost settled into the new house and Hubby took my "underwear pictures" for my profile page. I will get them posted in a day or so. I have to install my Paint Shop Pro onto my new 'puter and put them on photobucket before I can get them up.
Thank you, everyone, I have learned so much from Y'all!!! Thank you so very much!!
Patty
315/233.5/145
Sept. 6, 2006
I Finally made it!!! I have now lost ONE HUNDRED Pounds!!! Only 70 more to go!! ONE-derland, Here I come!! I will follow up with pics soon, I promise!!
