Alicia S.

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I guess I haven't written anything in a while because I'm still busy trying to adapt to everything. I have lost just under 50 pounds since the surgery. Which I think is pretty amazing. I still feel like I have quite a ways to go...but...I feel as if there is a way out this time. I'm more adjusted to eating now. In the beginning I was getting sick a lot because I would eat too fast. Eat too much. Not chew enough. All sorts of things. I'm still bad with vitamins. It's a constant struggle for me because on top of the vitamins I have my regular pills I have to take. Who wants to revolve their days around taking pills? I really don't have a choice though. And it's really a small price to pay in exchange for getting my life back. Other than that, all is pretty much quiet. Honestly, what I feel now that I never felt before is hope. That's what this operation gave to me.

I made it. I survived surgery. I'm still amazed that I actually went through with it. I wasn't nervous at all leading up to it. Not even while strapped down on the operating table and I think it's because I honestly didn't believe it was actually going to happen. Anyway, so what happened was this. My surgery was scheduled for 1:30 pm and I had to be at the hospital at 11. We got there early and I had a while before I had to check in so we walked around a little. I think the worst part of the whole experience was watching my mom and aunt eat and drink. I was starving and really thirsty at that point because I hadn't eaten or drank anything since the night before. After that we go register at the hospital. They take me in almost immediatly to fill out paperwork. After that they led me to the pre-op area where I had to take off all my clothing and jewelry and put on a gown. After that I just had people coming and going,  explaining things to me, taking blood, having me sign things. They let my family stay with me until it was time to go upstairs. Finally someone from surgery came down to get me. She brought me up and had me put on a cap to cover my hair and had me wait for a few minutes in a waiting room of sorts. Then a women came and got me and led me to the operating room. It was FREEZING in there! They had me lay down on the table and they strapped my arms and legs down. They ran an IV in my arm and all I remember is talking to everyone and then being out all of the sudden. I woke up in recovery in pain. Nothing terrible, just not comfortable. I pulled of my oxygen mask and told them it hurt. They showed me where the pain pump was. I pressed it and kept pulling at my oxygen mask until they finally put an oxygen thing in my nose. They got my mom. She was allowed to stay for a few minutes and then I fell back asleep. I woke up to being wheeled to my room. I had a private room with a tv which was was nice. I felt much better by then. Although I was still very thirsty. I just watched tv and kept hitting the pump though. The next morning they took me for my upper GI. I had to wait 3 hours in a wheelchair until they finally got to me. They had me lie on a table and made me drink this awful liquid for the x-rays. I was cleared though, I had no leak. And by the time I got back to my room there was broth, jello, applesauce, decaf tea and water. I was so thankful. Drinking felt sooo different though. I had to take such tiny sips to be comfortable. All and all everything went pretty well though. I walked when I could. I was able to eat and drink. My pain was tolerable. And I was released the next afternoon. I slept as soon as I got home. But after I woke up I had some nonfat yogurt. They gave me vicodin but I've only used it twice so far. It's really amazing how little I hurt after what was done. I've been out everyday since I got home. So i've been walking some. Today I over did it though. I went to a sidewalk fair thing around my house where there was a lot of walking and it was very hot. I ended up drinking too much water and throwing up. Not fun. But I've lost 10 pounds since surgery. So everything is going really well right now.

So this is it. My surgery is on monday. I'm not scared about the actual surgery yet, I guess I will be the morning of. I'm nervous about the pain, I just hope it's tolerable. The emotional aspect is what I'm going to have to work on. I've been overweight since I was a child. I don't know how I'll deal with being smaller. Or with the new way in which people will treat me. There's so much to think about. Not that I haven't already thought about EVERY single thing that can/will happen. I'm going to try not to give too much thought to it for right now. They wait is killing me. I just wish I could close my eyes and it would be a year from now. Well, I guess this is it. The next time I write anything I'll be done with the surgery part of my experience at least. Wish me luck.

I don't really have the head to write anything tonight. All I've been thinking about lately is the surgery. I feel like I'm so close, but anything could happen to fuck it up. I'm waiting on the last step before they try to get my insurance approved. The psychologist thats connected to the surgeons office wants to speak to my regular psychiatrist. Now the regular psychiatrist told me he supports my decision to have this surgery. So hopefully when they speak everything will go alright. I'm just really nervous because I haven't had what someone would call a "stable" life. I know this is a big decision though. I've been thinking about it for over 2 years. This isn't impulsive. This is the biggest decision I've had to make in my life so far. It's something I want. And I'm not going to give up. I know it will be beneficial, and so does my family and friends. It's out of my hands right now though. There's no use worrying about something you can't control.