Michele P
The BMI index falls:
1) When decision made to do the WLS: 52.8
2) Leaving the hospital- post-op: 51.9
3) One week out - down 10 lbs: 50.1 (almost out of super morbidly obese)
4) Two weeks out - down 15 lbs: 49 (ONLY morbidly obese!!!)
5) Three weeks out - down 21 lbs: 47.8 (YEE HAW!!!)
6) 5 weeks out - down 29 lbs. BMI - 46.4
7) 6 weeks out, down 34.5 lbs. BMI - 45.5
8) 11 weeks out, weight loss slower. Down 45 lbs. BMI 43
9) 16 weeks out, down 60 lbs. BMI - 40.9 (almost out of morbidly obese)
10) 6 months - 71 pounds - and the BMI is below 40! Halleluia - I'm not morbidly obese. I look like a Shar Pei but I'm not morbidly obese. :-)
11) 9 months - 94 lbs - BMI 35. People I haven't seen since pre-op do not recognize me anymore. Down 6 full dress sizes. Wearing fitted clothes for the first time in 15 years. No high blood pressure, cholesterol, and GERD. This surgery has been a wonderful blessing.
12) 10/25/2006 - 10 Months - !!!! 100 lbs --- BMI of 33.8
DATE scheduled - Friday, December 30th
Happy New Year to ME!
PAT completed on 12/14/2005. The final countdown begins. 2005
12/19/2005
I'm in the home stretch before surgery. I'm feeling nervous, sad, scared, excited and confident. My emotions whip saw so fast that as soon as I isolate where I'm at, I've landed somewhere else.
My nurse at PAT suggested that I write down why I wanted to have this surgery in the first place so that in recovery, while in pain and likely terrified that I had done the wrong thing - I'd have something to center myself on.
So- without further ado:
1) I want to be able to play tag in the yard with my kids.
2) I want to get up in the morning without feeling the wrenching back ache.
3) I want to shop for clothes without having to pray the secret prayer that I can still find something that will fit me- never mind that I like the style.
4) I want to let people take pictures of me again. I don't want my children to look back on their childhood and never see ME in the photos. I would like to step out from behind the camera and every now and then, in front of it.
5) I'm tired of being the funny fat girl. I'd just like to be funny.
6) If I have to ask another flight attendant for a seat extender, I could scream.
7) I want to be healthy again.
8) I'm finding that as time goes on, my obesity is defining my life and shaping my choices. Worst of all, it's shrinking my world and the possibilities.
If you hear me complaining post surgery about something piddly, feel free to point me back to my own words.
12/26/2005
I'm back to whipsawing all over the place - one moment I'm totally confident this is the right thing to do and the other I'm a fidgety wreck. I took my before pictures yesterday at the family Christmas party. And they tell me I'm doing the right thing.
I think I should have the before pictures printed - put on the refrigerator and in my wallet so if I ever question what I've done - the proof is right there for me to see. Maybe at the other end of it, I'll create an iPhoto book to document the journey.
In the meantime - I'm just anxious. Thank goodness I'm working tomorrow and Wednesday so I will have other things to think about.
Update - Preop- Thursday 12/29, Surgery - Friday December 30 - recovery at Barix from 12/30 - 1/02/2006.
So - I'm HOME!
And I'm going to be extra lazy- oops, I mean efficient- and type up one big journal entry here - and copy/paste to the profile later.
Thursday night-
In classic fashion, everything is running behind. When I got to my Mom's to drop of the kids- my brother, my nephew, and my Mom were waiting for me. I got the long dirge-like farewell. My brother wouldn't stop hugging me and my dad started to cry. I told Andy that if I was ever told I needed to enter hospice, I can't imagine a much different send off. Too weird.
Dad called me at 11 PM to tell me it wasn't too late to change my mind. I cracked a joke on the ride over to Barix that the "News of my demise have been greatly exaggerated." Andy did NOT find that amusing and spent much of the ride choking back tears. Such a fun night. The support was just overwhelming.
Friday AM -
Pre-op. In a strange coincidence, my PAT Nurse happened to be covering pre-op due to the holiday weekend. It was great to see Barb and have her talk Andy down out of the trees. I was pretty upbeat and chipper- good to be actually progressing things forward again.
Friday Post Op -
I feel like death warmed over. After 1 abdominal surgery and 2 C Sections, I felt like I knew what I was in for. Actually, I think my memory had developed a nice patina of forgetfulness that waking up in post-op cured me of. Barb reminded me that the first 4 hours after surgery were the worst and to try to remember that if I started struggling with why I was in that much pain. I hung onto those words for dear life for the next several hours.
At some point, Andy tells me that Theresa W has called - (Thanks to Theresa!) and that they repaired a previously unknown hernia while they were in there. I float in and out of various states of consciousness due to the anthesia and the pain drugs. And while I try to appear positive with Andy - who after all needs a resistent husband saying I told you so at this point?- I am in my head questioning if I am unhinged. Too late to worry about it though. It's done.
Saturday-
Andy heads home - both kids are sick and Katie is having all kinds of issues with her asthma. I'm happy because I don't like being fussed over and I'd like his sour puss out of the room. I just want to sleep, wake up, blow the thera-pep, suck the spirometer, move - sometimes only when they make me- and just generally be a sorry, miserable, self-pitying goober. By myself. On the plus side - I decide that since there isn't likely to be a lot of visitors and all - as many of the folks that are in have come some distance and it's New Years Eve - I content myself to watching so much Animal Planet, TLS, and VH1 that I will be cabled out on my return home.
It's 10 pm and I wake up to the sound of noise makers. Someone knocks on my door and wants me to wear a Party Hat. I look at her like a) who are you? b) why are you in my room and c) just bug the heck off. Her name is Angela, her Mom is in the room next door, and she had the RNY 5 years ago and has maintained her weight loss the whole time. Angela even brought over her before picture to show me. It was one astounding transformation.
She wanted to make sure I still had a fun New Years. I'm shocked anyone would have bothered, touched at the gesture, and being crabby and a bit feverish - want her to go away. I'm later overcome with catholic guilt about that - so more on that later. I did put the hat on but I would not wear it on my journey around the halls.
Sunday-
I wake up feeling about 75% better. I'm perky. I'm more like myself. I actually want to take a stab at the clear liquids. My pouch tells me it is NOT interested in cold liquids and that the popsicle is just out of the question. Not being dumb, I say yes Ma'am to the pouch - which for some reason wants beef broth. I don't even like beef broth. But my new pouch thinks it's awesome and a hundred times better than chicken broth. Go figure. And right now, the pouch is the boss.
At some point, I get a shower. God is in the shower. How is it possible that a few minutes of warm water will change your perspective utterly? I just know that it does and it did. I go back to my room and put on makeup base and blusher. Might as well go for broke.
Monday-
Remember that Catholic Guilt I mentioned? Well, I got truly flaggellated by it this time. Someone trying to simply cheer me up on New Years out of the goodness of their own heart - and I was busy being crabby. Believing that god can be present in the unlikeliest moments and times, I started to think that in my depression and loneliness - he sent the answer he thought I would hear. If I didn't recognize it, it was my problem. But if I didn't tell Angela how grateful I was for the gesture, I was well and truly a turd of a human being.
So, I got up with the chickens and waited for her to come pick up her mom. I didn't want to miss the chance to tell her that while I was less than appreciative at the time, I really truly did value the gesture. It was a great conversation - and I'm sending her the link to the OH Michigan Board. I think you guys would love her.
So - we made the journey home today. I'm not so much hungry, hungry. I do have head hunger though - I keep thinking of pizza and eggs and PROTEIN.
It's demented. I have an incision the length of Indiana and I'm trying to figure out what to eat at my first available chance. I just have to remind myself that surgery is a tool - it's up to me what I do with it.
2006
January 6th - Weighed at the doctor - one week from surgery- down 10 lbs. One measly tenth of a point from being out of the super morbidly obese category. Yee Haw! Next check-up with the Doctor - January 17th.
Wednesday, January 11, 2006
Late night head hunger... FULL Liquids S*CKS - LONG
I was laying in bed with dreams of egg salad and roast chicken in my head. No- no sugar plums. Not one. Just sources of protein.
So I got up and made a Nectar shake. I'm feeling the physical grip of hunger let go and starting to feel more like myself.
I'm really trying to get the hang of what I should eat and when but when the head hungries hits - good grief.
I will admit, I told my husband today I was dreaming of my first meal on purees - in another week and a half. Not that it isn't totally psychotic. I've even started my grocery list. And how twisted is that?
I have my bariatric recipes all staked out but the first thing I want is roasted chicken with a little green beans. Yummy. Pureed or no, I want some meat.
What did he do? While I was taking a nap, he went to the store and bought roasted chicken... I woke up smelling it and about came unglued. He said I made him hungry for it and that he hadn't thought about how I'd feel. I said I wanted to beat him silly for doing it and being a giant dumb *SS. I think I mentioned no jury in America would convict me either under the cirmcumstances. Like I said - UNGLUED.
I think I'm doing something wrong - either not getting enough protein or not eating often enough. I'm really struggling with the 6 small meal thing because I'm hating everything I can have. So then I get taken over by the hunger monster and I'm just channeling evil.
Ugh. As you all have said repeatedly - this is a journey. The surgery wasn't the end. Honestly, I feel sometimes that WLS is like having kids.
Everyone told me having kids it was the hardest thing you could do but so rewarding. This seems similar - I didn't get big because I hated to eat. I didn't get big because I didn't love to try darn near everything under the sun and experiment. So this repetitive liquid phase is really not playing to my strengths.
I just have to have faith the rewards are coming.
Oh well - thanks again for letting me vent. The Nectar container indicates better success if you have some right before bed and again, immediately on waking up. I'll give it a shot and see if tomorrow goes better. Can't hurt.
1/11/2006: Update - Nectar before bed and Nectar on rising seems to be helping. I don't feel like a total food freak for the first time in days.
I guess my body must have been trying to tell me I needed more protein? Does my memory serve me correctly that I need to up my water intake on days my protein is higher? I have a vague memory about protein being hard on the kidney's and extra water to flush it through? Can't remember my high school biology that well so if anyone could explain why that would be awesome.
Getting the hang of all this can be pretty confusing.
01/17/2006
The last few days have been really, really hard. When I was put back on the prescription painkillers, one of the side-effects is that it slows down the intestinal tract. The side-effect of that side-effect is relentless dry heaving. This required another medication to moderate the dry heaves and speed the tract back up. The bad part is that the two meds together negatively work with what I was on for existing meds as well as make me deeply, deeply sleepy.
As a result, from last Thursday at lunch until today – I’ve been in a twilight life of barf buckets and drug induced sleep. Andy said to me the other night at 2 AM, as he brought me ice water to the sink where I had taken up residence – that this was just like both pregnancies except there would be no baby to show for it in 9 months. Truly – sometimes the man demonstrates a serious death wish. Although, he was bringing me ice water which in the end, saved his life.
Today I spent mucho quality time with my assigned nurse (who has had the surgery), my nutritionist, and the surgeon for my follow-up appt in Holland. Things are healing well and overall, they are really pleased. We have a plan of attack for all of the issues – one of the solutions for the energy issues is a liquid iron/B12 supplement that I’m dreading. One person described it as “Tasting just like you would imagine licking a rusty, dirty bike tire would taste.” Just can’t wait for my dose tonight.
They think with the supplementation, I should start getting some energy back in a week.
Oh – on the good side – as of today I’ve lost 9% of my excess body weight. In two weeks. That’s a huge success because at the 6 week mark they want to see you down between 10% - 15% of excess body weight. I’m on track to exceed all goals and that makes me happy. If I can get the energy to get walking every day, I should blow that away. I guess I can use that for motivation in “licking the rusty bike tire.” UGH.
1/24/2005
Hooray!!! I'm feeling so much better. Food is going better and I have a ton more energy. I'm smaller so it's easier to get around.
I gave up on the liquid iron - just can't be done. I couldn't do it - the stuff is evil. I found the teensiest tiniest little iron pills and I can keep them down with no problems. They have made a huge difference in my energy level. Which is great because a week ago I was a bit worried about how I would go back to work next Monday.
Andy stresses that he sees me every day and therefore all change seems gradual. However I just did an IPhoto slide show of my before picture and he said "Wow - I do see a change!" And my PCP saw me today and said I look great.
I'm turning the corner and I'm really glad I had the surgery.
February 25, 2006
It’s been 7 weeks since my surgery and so many things have changed over that time.
I think I can classify it under the good, the bad, and the ugly.
The Good:
- On any given day, I have a lot more energy than before.
- I’ve lost the equivalent of a toddler – imagine carrying a 34.5 child everywhere. Now imagine how free you feel when you aren’t carrying it anymore. I’m feeling free.
- I no longer have to ask for the seatbelt extender on flights. THANK YOU DR. SCHRAM!!!! (Although, don’t go thinking I have a ton of extra space in the seatbelt. I don’t. Let’s not go too crazy yet.)
- My back doesn’t hurt nearly as much when I get up in the morning.
- I’m starting to wear clothes that tuck in again. I haven’t worn that look in 4 or 5 years.
- One of my friends commented that I’m practically morphing in front of her eyes.
- My incision has finished healing over.
- I love to look in mirrors to try to see if I’ve changed.
- I love for people to take my picture because I feel something positive is happening.
- I feel much more confidant – the obesity had begun eroding my self-esteem. It’s not that I’m NOT obese today – I am- I’m just more aware of the strength and courage it took to take this path and I think that is coming out in my everyday interactions.
The Bad:
- Fish, fish and more fish. My pouch likes fish. I do not. The pouch always wins.
- Did I mention the fish?
- The unthinkable has happened, I have gotten so busy that I have forgotten to eat. I can promise this has never happened before in my life. This is an issue because if I don’t forget to eat over a period of time, I’m compromising my nutritional status.
- Vitamin intake. This is far harder than I thought it would be. About two weeks ago I noticed a huge lethargy in the mornings. I was literally so tired when the alarm went off that I could barely lift my head off of the pillow. The vista post-op vitamins have arrived and I’m hoping to have more success with them than I’ve had with the small pharmacy of vitamins I have already tried.
The Ugly:
- As the weight comes off, I can see my skin getting loose. Right now it’s only evident on my thighs but I’m sure that I’m going to end up with a Panni. I can see why many bariatrics opt for the plastics afterward.
I am so glad I worked up the courage to do this surgery – despite the lack of support from much of my immediate family at times. This surgery didn’t come without cost and learning how to eat again – particularly when much of my work life is organized around meals, events, and travel- has been a challenge.
I would never want to minimize the difficulty associated with this choice. And yet, the decision to proceed with the RNY is right up there with deciding to have both of my children. Not easy, sometimes discouraging, but with unexpected blessings that vastly outweigh the costs
