a_better_life81

Send Message

Block

Add Friend

Well we had a very wet and chilly April here in the South. It made it hard to get out and about, but we had a few good days and my girls and I went on a hike and then we went camping. So, it wasn't a total wash. I am down to 167 lbs. Are you kidding me? How on earth did I end up here? I dreamed that I would hit the 150's before my surgery, but somewhere in the back of my head I always laughed at myself and thought, nope, that's impossible. Look how far you would have to go in order to get that small. I also could not imagine what I would look like. I also was hoping it would go fast, but I had got it into my head that it was going to take a long time to get down to where I wanted to be. 

It's been 9.5 months since my surgery and I am down 125 lbs. What? Yes, a whopping 125 lbs. That is what my daughter weighs. I can not believe it sometimes. I have noticed a few things that come up. Mainly that I still see a bigger me. I can wear a 12 comfortably. Yet, I can pick up a pair of 16 pants and swear I am going to fit. I pick up my 12's and every single time think, there is no way I am going to fit into these. I am wearing a M in shirts. I love it. I can not believe it and I love it. I know I need to pick up the medium shirt, but I always feel like I should be trying on the L just in case. I have a couple of shirts that were my go to hide me shirts before my surgery. Too tight and not flattering, but at the time, I thought they were hiding me. I also would not wear anything not black as I felt like it hid more of me. It didn't but that was my comfort at the time. I have lots of colors in my closet now. I have several tank tops that are cute but I am kinda scared to put them on. Scared they won't fit, even though I tried them on and I have lost 4 lbs since I bought them. Scared people are going to comment on my flappy arms. 

I love the new me most days. I feel like I am fortunate on how my journey is going. Yet there are days I can't seem to get into the new me. Like I can't stop seeing the old me. I look down at myself in the car and don't see a huge buldgy stomach and that makes me smile. My husband can pick me up and carry me around, and that makes me feel amazing. But there are times I look into the mirror and think I am still not a thin-fit girl. Sometimes I don't see all the changes. I think sometimes, I didn't see who I really was before surgery-which is a good thing! I guess I never saw just how big I had gotten. I am still self conscience about the way I look. I always seem to be wondering if people are looking at me and like what they see or looking at me and judging me. I usually end up thinking... you should have seen me before. How judgmental I am of myself! 

Don't get me wrong, I have come a long way. I have done well with where I am at right now.  I have about 20 more lbs to goal weight! I started YOGA and working out at the Y. I love it, I don't get there as much as I would like but I am working on changing that. I need to work out, it makes me feel good that I can! 

 

Well we had a very wet and chilly April here in the South. It made it hard to get out and about, but we had a few good days and my girls and I went on a hike and then we went camping. So, it wasn't a total wash. I am down to 167 lbs. Are you kidding me? How on earth did I end up here? I dreamed that I would hit the 150's before my surgery, but somewhere in the back of my head I always laughed at myself and thought, nope, that's impossible. Look how far you would have to go in order to get that small. I also could not imagine what I would look like. I also was hoping it would go fast, but I had got it into my head that it was going to take a long time to get down to where I wanted to be. 

It's been 9.5 months since my surgery and I am down 125 lbs. What? Yes, a whopping 125 lbs. That is what my daughter weighs. I can not believe it sometimes. I have noticed a few things that come up. Mainly that I still see a bigger me. I can wear a 12 comfortably. Yet, I can pick up a pair of 16 pants and swear I am going to fit. I pick up my 12's and every single time think, there is no way I am going to fit into these. I am wearing a M in shirts. I love it. I can not believe it and I love it. I know I need to pick up the medium shirt, but I always feel like I should be trying on the L just in case. I have a couple of shirts that were my go to hide me shirts before my surgery. Too tight and not flattering, but at the time, I thought they were hiding me. I also would not wear anything not black as I felt like it hid more of me. It didn't but that was my comfort at the time. I have lots of colors in my closet now. I have several tank tops that are cute but I am kinda scared to put them on. Scared they won't fit, even though I tried them on and I have lost 4 lbs since I bought them. Scared people are going to comment on my flappy arms. 

I love the new me most days. I feel like I am fortunate on how my journey is going. Yet there are days I can't seem to get into the new me. Like I can't stop seeing the old me. I look down at myself in the car and don't see a huge buldgy stomach and that makes me smile. My husband can pick me up and carry me around, and that makes me feel amazing. But there are times I look into the mirror and think I am still not a thin-fit girl. Sometimes I don't see all the changes. I think sometimes, I didn't see who I really was before surgery-which is a good thing! I guess I never saw just how big I had gotten. I am still self conscience about the way I look. I always seem to be wondering if people are looking at me and like what they see or looking at me and judging me. I usually end up thinking... you should have seen me before. How judgmental I am of myself! 

Don't get me wrong, I have come a long way. I have done well with where I am at right now.  I have about 20 more lbs to goal weight! I started YOGA and working out at the Y. I love it, I don't get there as much as I would like but I am working on changing that. I need to work out, it makes me feel good that I can! 

 

Wow, it's been a while since I have been on here. Things have been a little nuts around my house for a while. I started a new business so it's pretty time consuming for me. 

 

I am down to 172 lbs and about a 12. I go back and forth a lot and don't always do what I should. I am not off my rocker and eating a bunch of crap. Just the opposite. I still don't eat enough most days. I certainly don't get in all the protein I should and that is all my own fault. It's hard to get in all the protein with out writing every little thing down. So, don't be like me..make sure you do it!

 

I broke my stall the other day after a couple of months, so I was pretty excited about that. Mostly I need to exercise more and get back to the Y and work out more often! 

Well after a stall that has been depressing me for about 3 weeks now. The scale finally moved! Not only did it move, but it moved below 200.. I am officially 199 this morning. I have been bouncing back and forth between 202 and 205 for a couple of weeks. I can  not begin to tell you how happy I was this morning. 

 

Thanksgiving was a non issue for me this year, ate what I needed to and nothing more. I was kinda sad that I couldn't really enjoy what I wanted too, but as everyone else was miserable from there eating to much, I was fine. 

It was a great feeling! 

 Ugh, I feel like I am doing something way wrong. I am losing so that is still awesome, but I am losing so slowly. I am sure I am not getting in enough protein and water, but I do eat and I am only losing about 2 lbs a week. I know that is "good" but it seems this early out, I could be losing a lot more per week. I am finding shape in my new body though! I can feel my bones now, my collar bone is coming out and when I lay down and put my knees together my bones rub. I still have a tummy and I hate that, but it is noticeably smaller. So, I know things are changing, I just wish I was doing better with it. 




But over all I am down 70 lbs right now so I guess that is no small step. 

 Well, it's official. I have reached my half way goal today for my weight loss! This is my half way goal from my heaviest weight back in Dec. So, as of today I am down 65 lbs from Dec. I am down 35 lbs from surgery 2 months ago. =) It's a wonderful feeling to look at a pair of pants and think.. my butt is never going to fit into those..then slide them on and zip em up!!       I am having a couple of minor issues this week, mostly it's due to some vitamin loss so I have to up my intake on certain ones. Mostly vitamin D and iron. But all in all things are going pretty well. I have not had much trouble with eating, though at my check up yesterday the Dr said I am not eating often enough and still needed to up my protein intake some. 

 Well, it's been a crazy ride so far. I am down about 60 lbs from where I began this crazy change and almost 30 from surgery. I won't say it's all been easy now that I can eat real food. I have had a few problems. All self inflicted, but it's all part of the learning how to live my new life. I hate the term "my tool" to me it infers that the surgery/pouch/stomach etc is doing all the work. It annoys me, I am not sure why it bristles me so much but it's like sandpaper on a sunburn for me. I prefer me.. I am the one working so very hard to make sure I am doing the right things, eating the right things and improving me.. yes the surgery helped me focus and getting me in the right direction, but I am still the one doing the learning and the hard work.. okay enough ranting.  I have gotten a few things stuck. I got some over cooked shrimp stuck and that was no fun at all. I also got a left over chicken baked taquito stuck. I think the chicken was too dry the next day. I also got some chicken wings stuck. Each of these I can attribute to being eaten too fast, or being too dry to go down. When I get something stuck it is an awful feeling. The pain starts out like a belch that won't come up then quickly changes to pain in the front and into my back that feels like I have swallowed a bouncy ball. It takes about 20 min and then it all comes back up again. I almost always instantly feel better!! Sugar and I are not complete enemies though I have found if I keep the sugars under 11 per serving I am okay. Anything over that and I my tummy does not feel well. I made this mistake with a 1/2 pudding cup one day when I grabbed the wrong one. I didn't have any dumping problems, I just felt  yucky for a little while. I am starting to be able to have plain water again, though not always. I have not tried proteins shakes again yet though my husband keeps pushing me to try them again. I am struggling to get in 40-50 grams of protein a day let alone 60-80 it's hard when all of my protein comes from 2-3 oz at a time. I  don't think I eat enough food at one time, I am very afraid of getting sick or stretching my stomach out, so I am careful not to eat to much. I do keep track of my weight closely and of course have weeks where I don't lose anything and feel deflated and other weeks where I loose about 5-8 lbs. I am in a comfortable 16 now from a 22/24 when I started. I didn't buy clothes in between as I was out of town..but found a goodwill and bought some new clothes. I had to keep trying on smaller sizes until they fit and went into a 16. I was thrilled. This morning I bagged up everything that didn't fit and a lot of my shirts I could cross over from waist, to waist. It was a good feeling for sure! 

 Well, things have been going pretty well these past couple of weeks. My wedding rings are falling off and I will need to get them sized soon. I also was rummaging through my closet today trying to find something to wear. My pants all still fit and by fit I mean will stay on. But I can take all of them off with out unbuttoning them and they look pretty saggy on me. They range from 20/22-18/20

So, I tried on a pair of  16 to see how much longer I had. I held them up and figured I wouldn't be able to get them past my thighs...they went ALL the way on and are about 2-3 inches from buttoning.. REALLY??? I have not worn a 16 since my oldest daughter was born...11 years ago. Anyway several years ago, my husband bought me some Capri's from Torid size 18.. I was wearing an 18/20 then and these expensive but cute pants would not fit. I could button them but felt like I couldn't breathe. They still had the tags on them. I slid them on this morning all the while saying.. "these things are never going to fit, they've never fit there is no way they were 18s...and then they zipped!!!  I jumped on the scales which read 233... I was 276 when I started all this back in Feb. I have a Dr's apt today and their scale is always 2-3 lbs lighter then my at home scale... I go by what mine says, but I LOVE to see the number on theirs! 

I went to goodwill before my surgery and bout a pair of 16s and a pair of 14s so I could have some at home and know when to go buy new clothes... It felt weird and I never really thought I would get there..but now I think I might be in 16s by this time in Sept! 

 Well,
I have had a rough, rough week. Last night I was at a point where if I could flip a switch and undo my RNY I would have. I am sure I would regret that in a week or so, but I was at a bad place last night. 

I have been having trouble with my protein. A lot of trouble. The smell of it makes my tummy churn a bit, but drinking it makes my stomach cramp up and then I feel awful for a little while. I got to where I could not even bring myself to drink any. I tried everything, changing flavors, adding ice, letting it sit so it wasn't so cold, adding milk, taking out milk..nothing makes it better in my stomach. I am so over it that three days ago I just stopped drinking it. In fact on Sunday all I had was three bites/drinks of soup.  Yesterday all I had was water. So I called my Dr's office. I could not get anyone to call me back. 

I finally called the after hours number last night and talked to a nurse. She was not at our practice, She called from SC. She paged the DR and talked to him, then called me back. So everything was relayed third person. I was not thrilled about that. She actually told me I was just going to have to put in the effort to get the protein in...that was almost my last straw! I have put in the effort. I have been drinking this crap for 3 weeks now. I drank it while I laid in the bed and my stomach tied it's self in knots and then I threw up. I don't think its appropriate to tell me to "put in effort" if you have no idea what I have been doing...and I told her as much!  The Dr said it could be I have developed a sensitivity to the Whey, since I drink whey isolet protein. He said try something else and see if I could keep that down. 

My friend who had this surgery two years ago said there are these protein liquid shots at GNC that to her tasted like watered down drinks that she used cause she didn't like the protein. So, I guess I am going to run over to GNC and pick one up and see if I can get it down. I was ready to just move myself to the pureed diet last night so I could get something down!! I am going to try to wait until I talk to the Dr this week if they can get me in. But, my actual Dr's apt is not until the 10Th almost two weeks from now. I don't know why it is so far out, but I am not waiting that long to start eating again. So someone better call me back today. 

I don't hate my RNY, I hate these little bumps I am having and the fact that someone accused me of just not trying and I'm upset with the Dr's office for not calling me back yesterday. I am moody from not eating and I am tired of not being able to enjoy a meal with my family. I have lost about 10 lbs this week since my surgery and almost 40 lbs over all since my pre-op diet. I get it's working and that once all this smooths out I will look back and be okay...but for now, in this moment. I am struggling. 

 Well, I had my surgery on Tuesday. I was pretty nervous about it but then friend hugged me and my husband kissed me and the nurse gave me some kind of drugs she called a margarita and that's all I remember until I woke up in recovery. I guess my surgeon even came by and I talked to him. I have no memory of that. 

I spent much of Tuesday sleeping with some family in and out to visit me. I was not as bad off pain wise as I expected to be on Tuesday. 
Wednesday I was a little more sore and had trouble walking.  I was very unsteady on my feet. My legs felt as though they were jello. I walked a few times and finally was able to pee so they didn't have to put my cath back in
Today I am sore...so very sore. The vein my IV was in blew this morning and now that arm is very sore. I am a lot more tired than I thought I would be and a lot weaker than I expected. I am going to have to start getting some protein and calories in soon. I am not hungry, so I will just have to take it nice and slow. 

It feels weird to be on this side of surgery. I did "gain" a few lbs being in the hospital but the Dr said its from all the swelling and water and that walking will help that.