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Today was my first day back.

I had flowers and cards at my desk to greet me and hugs from my co-workers. It was nice to know i was missed. 

As long as i was off, as soon as i started back into work, it felt like i had never left. Especially since my first customers of the day were cranky.  Some co-workers know what i had done and some don't, but most commented in general that i looked good.  Of course the ones that knew asked questions about how i was doing with food and such. It's all good.

It wasn't as bad as i thought it might be and although i'm tired now, i'm not dead like i was thinking i might be. We'll see how i feel by the end of the week. 

I suppose that's it from me. I'm near my period so my weight hasn't changed at all in the last week, i think from general water retention, but i'm not too worried about it, it's not like it's going to stay there. I just have to keep eating properly and doing what i'm supposed to.

Well i had my 3 week check up today. Exhausting bus trek there and back aside the appt went fine. My doc didn't have my labs back yet so i'm not sure how all that's doing, but i haven't had any problems with intolerance, no dumping or vomiting. My only issue was when i ate some eggs too quickly and my pouch decided to put me right.

This week i'm finally starting to feel more myself and not so fatigued, which is good.  I'm going to take one more week off work before i subject myself to the grind, but so far so good. I've been charting my progress in weight loss at the bottom of the page. Dr. Grabers scale was a bit diff this morning than mine, but then i didn't strip to weigh myself and i did eat right before the appt, but either way, i've lost over 20lbs and that's a good thing in my book.

Now..i'm exhausted and ready for bed. My next check up is February 15. Let's see what happens between now and then :)

So Friday was the big day.  The train ride down wasn't bad, the pre-op stuff before was fine, the day of was good too, but boy was i out of it after surgery.

I remember feeling a lot of pain, and not too settled in the stomach if you know what i mean, i remember them saying they'd already given me morphine, but all i knew is i wanted more of whatever would make me feel better.  I think, looking back, perhaps it was more the pressure from the gas they pump in you that was making me uncomfortable, but i knocked out again and once i was groggly settled in my room, they started giving me percacete (sp?) that worked nicely.  I stayed overnight Friday and left Saturday afternoon. I probably could have stayed the extra night, as the hotel room bed wasn't as nice as the hospital adjustable one and there was no percacete at the hotel..but once Sunday came along, i suppose it was as good as it was going to be for 2 days after surgery. 

The hospital staff were really nice and super accomodating, and i had absolutely no complaints about them, the hotel was sparse but clean so i would recommend the motel 6 in Utica, although the walls are paper thin and we were by the exit/entrance and vending machines and next door to a frisky couple. I would ask for something on the second floor maybe away from the exits next time.

Overall, it wasn't anything i expected, but i can't say exactly what i expected, i'm just glad there wasn't any complications.. as of right now i still haven't managed to finish half a bottle of water in a day, and i know i have to try as i start protein shakes tomorrow, but i'm paranoid about the pouch. and really.. it seems an awful lot of work to take it all in.  Which is weird, because..part of me is like.."that's nothing, you can do that" and then the other part is "mmm....pouch no likey that much. DON"T RUIN IT!"

So anyway..so it begins i guess.

I'm sitting here, crying.. 

I just said goodbye to my mom..and she was crying, for various reasons, and i realized how much i really wish she was going to be there on Friday..

There's other things too, and i think i've been so keyed up inside about it all, i needed the release

Tomorrow morning, the literal journey begins toward my WLS

It's funny, most of the time i'm not nervous or anxious and then i'll have days where the anxiety is just sitting in the pit of my (soon to be smaller) stomach.

I FINALLY got the report from the Shrinky Dink this morning. She's charging me 2 hours for it! Gah! My only consolation is that i'll get reimbursed the $340 from my benefits and that i'm gonna make her wait a week before getting payment because i won't have time to drop it off before i leave EARLY wednesday morning.

I'm taking the train down to Utica from Toronto Wednesday so i'll be there for my Pre-op stuff Thursday. My best friend is driving down Thursday afternoon because she works that day and she'll be with me for the surgery.  

I'm anxious that everything go smoothly up to the surgery, I haven't even started thinking about the surgery yet.. Tonight is officially the last time i'll eat like me. I start my liquid diet at midnight up till surgery day..ugh.. Just keep reminding myself..it's worth it..it's so worth it.

Surgery is just about 2 weeks away..13 days really.

Some days it doesn't feel real and other days i get that anxious nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach.

I had the last of my real pre-op tests on Thursday. I had my stress test. It was long but not bad really.  The only thing i have to do is go back to my family doctor so she can give me one last physical once over and sign off that i'm ok for surgery, and then fax whatever i haven't to the surgeons office.  I'm still waiting on the Shrinky dink to finish up on her evaluation, but that's ok because i have all this coming week to get that to the surgeon.

I don't think i've lost any weight since i've seen teh surgeon.  Not that he asked me to really, but i hope i haven't gained any weight. I of course went through that whole "must say goodbye to food"  mode and inhaled all sorts of bad food.  Since i went to a Dietician on Wednesday i've been trying to follow a better way of eating that will hopefully help me feel a bit better and maybe shed a few pounds in the next 2 weeks. We'll see.  As long as i haven't gained i'll be happy.

I was at Value Village last weekend with a friend of mine and found a Jacket from addition-elle that still had the tags on it for $9 or something, but it was technically a size too small, but my friend reminded me that in a few months it'll probably fit just fine.  Funny to think that even though i can't envision the after, that it really IS going to be like that.  CLothes i have aren't going to fit the same, ones i've held onto even though they didn't fit right anymore are not only going to fit, but turn into too big.

I don't think i've been able to wrap my mind around that part of it.  That i really am going to get smaller, that by this time next year, i'll hopefully be near goal..a weight and size that i can't ever recall being as an adult..not even in highschool.  I'm sure i was over 200lbs when i started highschool, but since i have so rarely weighed myself i can't say for sure. The unknown is undeniably scary...

Well, Surgery is just under a month away. 

Got my bloodwork done, EKG, Am currently seeing the shrinky dink for my Pysch evaluation and i have an appointment with a dietician on the 24th.  I emailed dr. Graber because i wasn't sure about the cardiology consultation..if i need more than just the EKG. I would think havening to see a cardiologist would be something of a pain to schedule in now that i only have just over 3 weeks to go.  

I'm paying through the nose for the Shrinky Dink,  i should get that all back through my work benefits though (i hope) but the dietician will only be $90.  

I've decided not to tell my Dad about the surgery.  I know he won't be supportive and i don't know if i want to deal with his negativity. I think it would stress me out more to have to deal with that than not telling him.

Went to my consulation today, went great. Dr. Graber was super nice, and really answered every question in the book.  We were there a little bit because there were a few patients getting seen, but it was still totally worth the drive. I have a surgery date! Nov. 9 will be my unofficial second birthday.  I'm excited and yet.. i don't know how to explain it.  I haven't quite been myself lately, but i don't know, i think i should be more excited about it.  Maybe i'm just tired. It's been a long day. Now i have a list of things to do before that date. Find a psychologist, and a dietician, bloodwork won't be done till closer to that date.. Talk to my work about the things i need to do for time off. Tell my dad.. Not really looking forward to that part, but it really has to be done..

It's late. Yay for the date though :)

Well today i got the revised approval letter for Dr. Graber. A week after sending the original, not bad, and the approval period is from the date of the letter, which gives me an extra month, also good.  the 17th is coming quick.

Well i got a letter today just two days after i'd faxed my revised OCC forms to OHIP which was also sent to my original Surgeons office that they had cancelled the approval for them. An approval for the new surgeon wasn't with it, but i'm assuming it shall follow (i hope) and at least i know my paperwork has been looked at. I'm shocked at how quickly someone reviewed it.