andereee
My first bloggy-type thingy.
Feb 18, 2009
I wont bore you with the dramatics or a long drawn out story of how I got here. One look at any picture of me will tell you how I got here.I had made the decision to have WLS well over 6 years ago. There was always some sort of barrier, mostly financial, keeping me from getting the surgery. While it was HIGHLY frustrating at the time, I am thankful that it has played out as it has. If I had actually had the surgery years ago, I would have wasted a chance at a better life. Now that I know so much more about myself, I am able to see that previous attempts would have been futile. I would have screwed it all up and would NOT have been successful.
What makes me think that this time is different is the knowledge I was forced to attain about myself, my eating habits, and the effect food had on my psyche.
I am a patient of the Cleveland Clinic. I chose them because I found out that they took medicaid and did NOT charge anything above and beyond. I had tried to go through SUMMA but was told I would have to pay like 1600 out of pocket even as a medicaid patient....which sounds REALLY illegal to me, but they found a way to get around it. So while my choice in hospital and surgeon was solely based on cost, I couldn't be happier.
I had been to a zillion seminars and seen a few surgeons over the years but none of them were as involved as the Cleveland Clinic was. Now, to be honest, the hospital is Crazy-busy...I'm talking OMG HOW DO THEY GET THIS MANY PEOPLE IN THE BUILDING busy. I will be honest, the fact that they have soooo many patients does hinder them in a few ways, mostly in their ability to make you feel like a person and not a number. While some of their staff seem abrupt and cold, it is entirely made up for in skill and expertise. The hospital runs like a well oiled machine. I'm OK with sacrificing a little bedside manner to achieve superior care.
The Cleveland Clinic forced me to undergo a zillion tests and exams that, quite frankly, pissed me off. Not only did I have to undergo quite a few medical procedures, I was also forced into a few things that I wanted nothing to do with. I knew that I would have to undergo psychiatric testing as a condition of surgery, but I had no idea that the Clinic would go one step further and demand that I attend "group psychotherapy" .
I was angry and I was insulted. I did NOT want anything to do with this group thing....for Binge eating!! When one thinks of binge eating, they immediately think of the stuff yourself and then puke that brings to mind supermodels. I had no idea why I would be stuck into the same category. I walked into my first session determined that I would learn nothing and would be wasting my time.
I could not have been more wrong.
I learned that there was no magic supermodel category of binge eating and that as much as I didn't want to admit it, I was a binge eater. I learned why....my triggers...and more importantly, ways to avoid the binge. Something I thought would be the most waste of time ever turned out to be imperative to my success. Never again have I been able to view my eating habits in the same manner.
This is how its been now for quite a few things. The Cleveland Clinic demands I do something, I whine, moan and bitch, but reluctantly do it, and then find that there was solid reasoning behind everything that they have asked me to do. Because of this, I know now that my previous attempts would have failed. I feel much better armed this go around. I feel like I have a REAL chance of being successful, and most importantly, staying successful.
Blah...this is getting long....
So this is where I stand thus far. I completed everything I needed to do in order to submit to insurance for approval....and it took me a whole year! We submitted for approval....and of course was denied. I fought...screamed and yelled, and of course freaked out. I threatened lawsuits and lawyers....sad....but hey, it worked.
We then started the approval process over again....i wont bore you with the details....lets just say that I have the WORST luck where red tape is concerned. For whatever reason, this time I was approved and a surgery date was scheduled. I now know that March 3rd will be the day that my life changes forever.
Soooo here I am 2 weeks before surgery. I have an appointment on Feb 26th for my pre-op blood-work and all that other fun crap. I have to be at the hospital in the AM and will be there ALL DAY....that's gonna suck.
I have also just started my required 2 weeks of liquid diet. Lemme just state how much this sucks....no...blows.....no...it sucks AND blows. While I have lost quite a bit of weight on my own, I cant tell you how hard it is to just "give up food". I guess in the long run this will be good for me and will aid in the transition into a new lifestyle (the first few weeks after surgery is pretty much all liquid anyway) but OMG I AM A HUNGRY BITCH!
I have found that I have been REALLY hard to be around these last few days. I have become seriously agitated and easily angered. I snap at my family for no reason. I would like to say it is because of the no food thing but it may be the stress of everything. While there is nothing in the world I want more then to have this surgery, it's still extremely scary. This is a big deal and people have died. That weighs heavy in the back of my mind, because I have never been a healthy person. I have always....ALWAYS...gotten deathly ill after surgical procedures and dint heal well. The risk of death to me is VERY real...but still....it is a risk that I am willing to take in order to finally have a life.
OK imma not babble anymore tonight. Until next time.....
1 Comment
About Me
Ravenna, OH
Location
39.1
BMI
Surgery
03/03/2009
Surgery Date
Jul 11, 2001
Member Since
