arg2689
Starting over.....yet again
Jan 16, 2020
Hey all!
Wow. It has been a HOT minute since I have last been on this page. And the only excuse I have is because I got lazy, distracted and discouraged. And there is absolutely no one else to blame but myself. When I originally started my curvy journey, it was literally about being a plus size girl just trying to get fit and toned physically. Little did I know that was NOT the only curvy journey I was wandering down.
The past couple of months have been interesting to say the least. I have experienced A LOT of emotions and changes with my hormones and body. Struggling with accepting how things were and what is to come. Worried about several different life situations. I was just a mess and went in a downward spiral SO FAST! Which was weird, I left my toxic ass job after a year of being there, but things weren’t bad until 6 months prior. I got my dream job with my alumni school district, where my children attend as well. But it seemed every since, life itself went downhill fast.
Thankfully I am on track with getting the right medical help I need along with just making some over all changes and recognizing my feelings. My husband is extremely supportive in helping me up my communication game and just being there for me and letting me cry. I’m not joking when I say I have been overly emotional and out of whack lol
I have come to the conclusion that I HAVE to get better. Not only for the sake of my husband, children, family and friends, but for ME. I jotted down a few things that I know truly helps me feel better and to keep in check. Not making any promises it will be a daily occurrence, but I am going to give it an honest attempt. It takes several days/weeks/months to form healthy habits, and I am at a point where I have no other choice but to enforce them at full will.
Writing brings me happiness. But I am a slow writer in order to be able to read my handwriting. Then I lose train of thought and end up stopping. So my goal is to take blogging/e-journaling more seriously and do it more often. Whether it is an email to myself, a google doc, blog, etc….I can type as fast as I think (for the most part) so I am confident this will help me along my journey.
This journey is not just for physical health, but for mental and emotional peace and freedom. There aren’t many things I feel I “deserve” but sanity is one i DO deserve, as well as everyone else!
So here are my goals for 2020; forgive whole heartedly, be at peace with my whole self, find contentment in every aspect of life, improve my communication with my head, heart, soul and loved ones. Share my experiences in hopes to someday help someone who may be going through the same struggles but are too shy or embarrassed to ask questions and talk about it. Like me! I would rather bury my emotions to help someone else, I never want to feel like a burden. That mindset has been the unhealthiest one I have ever allowed myself to be swallowed up in. WELL NO MORE. No longer will I convince myself I need to live for everyone else and let outside influences dictate my life desires.
It is always easier said than done to “not give a f**k” or “you do you”....no. that has never been a mindset, it’s always been about other people and letting their lives effect mine, because I allowed myself to allow that. They didn’t force it upon me, I did. And what an awakening that it brought to how poisoned I was from my own thought process.
So here is to a an even curvier journey than imagined, but nothing has excited me this much in a long time. Just grasping the idea of mental and emotional freedom, accepting that I CAN BE HAPPY. Wow. Just thinking about being happy makes me happy!
So thanks to all my friends, family and supporters for sticking with me during this wild ride. It will only get better, with road blocks of course, but with the support of everyone, I know I will succeed. I need to. I owe it to myself right?
